“I understand. I sometimes have…bad memories too.”
“You do?” she asked as he wiped away her tears. “How did you get over them?”
“Well, I can’t say I’ve figured it out myself yet.” He’d not share the example of his biggest failure tonight. Instead, he decided to tell her of another way his mind and body had not been aligned. “After a battle or raid, I think about it for a long time. Still react, sometimes. I know I’m not in danger anymore, but my body still has the need to protect and defend.”
She nodded slowly. “Yes. That’s it. I wonder how long it will be before I’m in control.”
“I canna say for sure. But mayhap it will be easier if we try touching.”
Her eyes went wide, and he shook his head at himself.
“Holding hands,” he amended. “While we sleep. I think if we get over the shock of it, we’ll get used to one another. Like when you first jump into the loch, it’s terrible cold. But your skin becomes accustomed to it and then it’s not so bad.”
He should have left the fancy words to the poets. That was the most horrid thing he’d ever said to woo a lass.
“So, touching me is a bad thing for you?” Her brows pulled together, and he winced.
“No, not at all. Forget that part.” The only thing jumping into a freezing loch had to do with moving slow with Mari was that both had his cods shriveled up. “Can I stay in bed with you?”
“Yes.” She gave a nod that was more determination than enjoyment, but he’d take it if it meant sleeping in bed next to his wife rather than the floor.
He settled in next to her and reached for her hand. He gave it a squeeze and looked over at her even though he couldn’t see in the dark room.
“That’s not so bad, right?” he asked.
“No. It’s not bad at all. It’s nice.”
“Good. See? It’s the first step to feeling comfortable with one another.”
He felt her nod and wondered in resigned frustration how many more steps lay before them.
Chapter Eleven
The next morning Cam woke to find Mari still in bed next to him. He’d never been a late sleeper, but she had been up and out of their room before he woke the day before.
Now with the sun coming in through the window, he was able to look his fill at his wife. She was a beauty. Long, dark-gold lashes rested on her cheek. Her brows curved in a way that made one think she was about to say something astute. And those lips…
He let out a sigh and got out of bed before he spent too much time gazing at her lips. His body was already hard from just the fact it was morning. Staring at her lips would not ease that ache, for certain.
He left their room as quietly as possible and headed downstairs. After saddling his horse, he left the castle to check in with the perimeter guards to the west. He was almost happy to find them sleeping so he had a reason to vent some of his frustration.
“And what if I’d been the McCurdys? The castle wouldn’t have any warning of an attack.”
One guard leaped to his feet, rubbing his eyes. “The McCurdys wouldn’t attack us on one horse, but all the beasts they own. That many horses would have made the earth shake and we would have felt them coming.”
That only provoked him more.
“You know how else you might know an enemy is coming on you?” Cam demanded, then paused to see if they’d dare answer. “You could keep your bloody eyes open and watch for them! Which is why you’re out here in the first place.”
“All’s well, Cam. There’s no reason to worry.”
Cam could see as much, but he really wanted to yell at someone. Being stressed and frustrated with Mari would set them back even further in feeling comfortable with one another.
“Just stay awake,” he ordered gruffly and headed back to the castle.
Mari was sitting in the back of the hall with one of the women from the kitchen. Rather than speak to her in his current foul mood, he went to the head table where Lach was eating with Bryce and Liam.
He flopped down on the bench beside the laird, still muttering his displeasure with the guards, the weather, and the world in general.
“How are things with you and Mari?” Lach asked, nodding toward where she was laughing with her friends. “She seems happy enough. Why do you look ready to bust through the castle walls?”
“Aye, she seems happy. But she’s not. She’s terrified.”
“Of what?”
“Me.”
“You?” Lach looked to Bryce and Liam, who also looked confused. Three sets of eyes glared at him. “What did ye do to her?”
“I didn’t do anything to her, and you well know I never would. Wipe that look from your faces right now or I’ll help you do it.”
“My mistake for thinking you rough.” Lach rolled his eyes.
“I don’t know what to do with her. She goes along with everything I say. She doesn’t want to cause any trouble.”
“My, that sounds wretched.” Bryce smirked.
“It is. She’s afraid of me. Her late husband was a right bugger the way he treated her. She flinches and cowers whenever I come near her. I can’t stand it.”
“You need to push her until she pushes back,” Liam suggested. “Like a timid horse.”
All three men looked at the boy and laughed loudly at his suggestion.
“Have ye even kissed a lass yet?” Bryce teased.
Liam’s face and ears went red, and he scowled at them, then jumped up to go find another place to sit.
When their laughter faded, Cam rubbed his chin and shook his head. “It might not be a bad idea, at that.”
“I was just thinking the same,” Bryce agreed.
“If it works, I’ll have to apologize to the lad,” Cam admitted.
“If it works, I don’t think you’ll mind.” Bryce gave him a wink.
Nay. Cam wouldn’t mind at all.
…
“And he hasn’t done more than kiss you?” Kenna asked as they sat in her solar later that morning.
Mari had seen Cameron at the morning meal, but he’d hardly looked at her, let alone come to speak to her. She didn’t know what to do to set things right between them again, but she was certain Kenna could help her figure it out.
Mari tied off on a piece of embroidery while Kenna watched.
“No. He’s been a proper gentleman. Which is quite infuriating.” She’d liked kissing Cameron, and she wanted to experience what came next. The way he’d looked at her last night made her think he was ready to take that next step.