…
The answer turned out to be no. At least not in the three weeks since Cam first had Mari naked in his bed. Each night since, he had followed her to their chamber.
His men had mocked him in the mornings, calling him a needy pup, but he didn’t care. He simply smiled wide and pushed them harder during their drills as punishment.
If it had been just him, he might have found a way to rein in his urges, but Mari wanted him just as often, and he’d not let her go unsatisfied. It wouldn’t be the husbandly thing to do. Instead, he serviced her as often as she liked, and made sure to keep his heart secure. It was getting more and more difficult as she became familiar enough with him to be playful and happy. He still never got her to scrapping with him, but he knew it wasn’t from fear. They got on well, especially since he’d stopped doing things on purpose to anger her.
They fell into an easy routine. She would go to the kitchen in the morning with the other ladies, and he would push his men most of the day in drills. Later, he would make his rounds of the border.
Occasionally Mari would ride with him. Even more frequently, they would find a quiet place hidden in the trees to satisfy their needs when the time before retiring for the evening seemed too far away.
“I’d like to ride the borders with you today,” Lach told Cam as he headed for the stables.
But Cam had already made plans with Mari. He’d even shared his plans for what he wanted to do with her when they were alone.
“Aye?” Cam said.
“Och, it’s the first time I’ve seen you without a smile on your face in weeks. I’m sorry to interrupt your afternoon interlude with your wife. If you don’t think you’ll make it the rest of the day without having your hands on her, by all means let me know, and I’ll stay behind.” Lach’s grin pulled up on one side.
“Bloody arse.”
Lach laughed at his displeasure.
“The least you can do is hurry along.” Cam sent Liam to inform Mari of the change in plans. He might have gone himself, but he didn’t know if he’d be able to leave her again if he saw her.
Lach was still snickering as they rode through the gates.
“I remember a time not so long ago when you and Kenna went to your chamber soon after the noon meal was served. I ken she’s too large to service ye at the moment, but I don’t have such problems.”
The other man laughed even louder. “You think we canna manage it in her condition?”
Cam’s brows creased in confusion. “Truly?”
“Aye. Some women have a mighty appetite when they’re increasing.” Lach winked at him. “Not just for food. You ken?”
With wide eyes, Cam stared at the man. “I don’t know how I’d survive a mightier appetite than Mari already has.”
“I’m sure you’ll try your best when the time comes. Make sure to eat when you have the chance. You must keep your strength up. Be ready for anything at any time.”
Cam shook his head. “It’s not something I plan to have to worry about.”
“Nay? You don’t want children?”
“How can you ask me such a question when you know I dinna even want a wife?”
“I thought things had changed.”
Things had changed. Cam cared for his wife and enjoyed her company in and out of bed, but his vow had not wavered. He would not fall in love, and he would not allow Mari to feel love for him.
“I like bairns well enough, but I don’t want any of my own. It would not be fair to Mari or the children.”
“You mean if you don’t come home to them, like your da?”
“Aye.”
“You’ll give up the gifts life has to offer on the off chance you could have it happen the same as before? It seems a lot to give up for something that may not happen.”
“Nay, it’s a lot of grief to give up. Bedding her is one thing; it’s pleasant and we have become friends. But I’ll not let us risk our hearts. Not when I could end up breaking hers.”
“I wish you could find happiness together.”
“Happiness is enough. Mari and I have that already. If ye mean love, I’d ask you not to curse us with such a wish.” Cam shook his head.
“I wouldn’t be able to live with Kenna and not love her. I didn’t have a choice. It just happened.”
“Love is not for everyone. Even if the laird wishes it so.”
Lach nodded and gave up, but Cam found himself thinking of Mari often during their ride. He wanted to brush it off as lust, but it wasn’t just her naked body that filled his thoughts.
He envisioned her smile and her laugh, and the honesty in her eyes when she leaned up to place a kiss on his chin. He would need to keep watch over himself, lest he became smitten with his new wife.
For both their sakes, he needed to avoid her.
And for the sake of the clan, he needed to eliminate any chance of losing the upcoming battle.
…
Mari became worried when Lachlan sat at the table for the evening meal, but Cameron hadn’t returned.
“Did my husband come back with you?” she asked after giving Lachlan and Kenna a moment to reunite properly. She looked away as he placed a kiss on Kenna’s cheek, but she didn’t miss seeing him press another kiss to his palm and place it tenderly on her round belly. It was an intimate moment between them she shouldn’t have seen. It made her feel things that weren’t to be.
“He’ll be along shortly. He went for a walk down by the loch.”
Mari relaxed and finished her meal, all the while keeping an eye on the entrance to the hall. When she was done and Cameron still wasn’t back, she went looking for him.
She loved the MacKinlay lands, the rolling hills and sharp peaks under a wide sky. Freedom. She could breathe here like she’d never been able to before.
As she walked the familiar trail, she thought of how nice it would be if she came across him bathing. The thought of seeing his wet skin against the setting sun caused her feet to move faster. She was only slightly disappointed to find him fully clothed and sitting on a rock. He was tossing small stones into the water, causing the ripples to span out from his perch.
As she stood there, she felt as though she’d encroached on a private moment. Similar to the way she’d intruded earlier on Kenna and Lachlan’s moment. As much as she loved it here, she knew she didn’t truly belong. She needed to keep everyone at a distance so she would be able to leave them at any moment if it became necessary.
It was odd to see Cameron so still other than in sleep. Before she had the chance to leave him to his thoughts, he turned and spied her. Instead of the normal smile he offered upon seeing her, he turned back and looked out over the water again.