Cam understood. She probably thought she might have helped her son if she’d known of his problems. It was Cam’s experience that some people were inherently evil and couldn’t be helped.
“You didn’t know.”
“That’s just it. I did know.” She frowned. “I once had a daughter named Elizabeth.”
Startled, he cocked his head at her. “Is that so? I wonder why Mari didn’t mention it when we chose the name.”
The dowager pushed out a shaky breath. “She didn’t know. My daughter died many years ago.”
A prick of sympathy went through him. “I’m sorry. Mari’s sister lost a babe once, and it haunts them still.”
“Children have so many things stacked against them. It’s a parent’s job to protect them. That’s why I’m the one to blame for my Eliza’s death.”
He studied her thoughtfully. He’d never before seen such emotion touch her expression as now. “I doubt that’s true,” he said kindly. “I think we often take on more guilt than we’ve truly earned.”
She shook her head. “Sometimes. But not in this case.”
She seemed to want to tell her story, so he gave her the opportunity. “What happened?”
She was silent for a long moment, then she began in a voice thick with emotion, “After having five boys, my husband and I were blessed with a girl. Her older brothers doted over her. She was their princess, always cheerful and happy. But when she reached about ten, she became quiet. Not having experience with little girls, I thought it normal. But nothing about the situation was normal. It was only a few months after her eleventh birthday that I found out she was with child.”
Cam gasped in shock. “Good lord. I’m so sorry,” he said, knowing his words were inadequate. He almost hoped she wouldn’t finish the story. There could be no happy ending for this beastly tale.
“Of course I made her tell me who had touched her. I expected her to name a servant or a visitor. I would never have guessed it to be her own brother. Mathias was nineteen, heir to the dukedom.”
Mathias. Cam had never heard the duke’s given name before.
The dowager paused to gather herself, and Cam was grateful for the moment to put his thoughts together.
Good God. Mari’s former husband had defiled his own sister. A mere child. Cam knew the man had been a monster, but he’d never realized he was this vile. Not just cruel and violent, but truly depraved.
The dowager’s eyes closed. “We needed to do everything possible to mitigate the scandal and protect Eliza. I sent her off to our country house while I stayed behind to deal with my son. My husband wanted him charged. I wanted to protect my daughter, and I knew a trial would end with her ruined and no real punishment for Mathias. He was a future duke, after all. So I forbade it.”
Cam remembered the scars on Mari’s breasts, and how she’d told him her husband didn’t like her body, saying her breasts were too large. He’d been unable to perform. He hadn’t liked her body because it belonged to a woman, and he was attracted to—
Cam swallowed down bile and once again wished the sick bastard had still been alive so he could bloody his sword on him. Surely there was a special hell for that kind of beast.
The dowager continued with an unsteady voice. “I sent Eliza away with one of the maids. When I arrived at the estate a day later, I learned my little girl had fallen over the second-floor banister and died.”
The old woman didn’t cry. No doubt she’d cried endless tears over the years and had finally made what peace she could from the scraps of truth. Cam felt great sorrow for her. It made sense now why she’d built those thick walls around herself. Holding a foul secret like this inside for all these years would eat away at a person’s soul.
But a small part of Cam wished she’d done things differently. If she’d allowed her son to be arrested and charged, maybe Mari would have been spared her ordeal.
He understood the dowager had done what was needed to protect her family.
In the end, at the expense of his own.
He didn’t speak for fear he would end up yelling at her and getting kicked out of the house. It was much too late to take his wee daughter away to find another place to stay for the rest of the night.
“I wasn’t able to protect Eliza,” she said quietly. “Nor was I able to protect Marian.” Her breath caught on a slight sob. “But by God, I will not fail this little one. I’ll do whatever I must to make certain my son doesn’t hurt another innocent person.”
She pressed her thin lips to Lizzy’s head and held her up for him to take.
He scooped up the baby and held her close, using his other hand to help the older woman out of her chair when she struggled.
“For a Scottish brute, you’ve been ever so kind,” she said without meeting his gaze, and left the room.
When he heard a door close down the hall, he looked at his daughter. “She’s a touch batty, but I can’t say I blame her for it. If someone hurt you, I’d have their head removed from their body, as well as a number of other parts.”
He took the chair and rocked his already sleeping daughter. It would have been safe to place her back in her cradle, but he wanted to hold her a little longer.
“I’m still not ready to give up,” he said softly. “I have to keep thinking.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Through the night while holding his baby daughter, Cam’s sadness faded and was overrun by intense anger. How dare Mari ask him to give up on their life together? How dare she not fight to be with him and their child?
She was ready to stroll up to the gallows and face death without protest.
It would be easier for her. She’d be gone. One more day and she’d not know this pain—the intense pain Cam would feel for the rest of his life. Or the empty spot in Lizzy’s life where her mother should be.
“No. No. No!” He slammed his fist on the breakfast table, making the dishes rattle.
The dowager hadn’t come to breakfast, which was good. In this mood he would most likely call her out for not stopping her son from taking a second wife and hurting her as much as he had his first wife and his young sister.
But as mad as Cam was, he wouldn’t lay any more guilt at the poor woman’s feet. He’d seen the torment in her eyes. She had been imprisoned by it for nearly her whole life. She’d punished herself enough.
Unable to eat, he stood. After seeing that Lizzy was safe with the nurse, he left Blackley House for the trial. Mari had asked him not to come back. But he couldn’t stay away. He needed to be there for her. He might have a chance to spirit her away, and he needed to be ready.