That’s all it takes. Just one heartbeat for my world to fall apart. At his words, realisation smashes into me with the force of a wrecking ball. I literally feel the heat drain from my body as my eyes widen in horror.
Theo has been my Man Crush Monday all this time. Not Jared, but his twin brother.
nineteen
The air around me seems to disappear as my heart stops and then starts back up triple time.
Not only is Theo my crush from the train, but … I also kissed him! Two weeks ago, on the train. I kissed him. It wasn’t Jared. I kissed Theo.
The horror is building inside me, and I feel sweat breaking out all over my body.
Jared frowns down at me quizzically. “You’ve already met?”
I open my mouth, praying words will come … but I’ve got nothing.
Thankfully, Theo jumps in and saves the day. “Only once or twice. I noticed her hair; that’s all.” His tone is dismissive and nonchalant, and I see Jared nod in satisfaction. Theo holds out a hand towards me, his whiskey-coloured eyes, an exact replica of Jared’s, burning into mine. “It’s nice to officially meet you.”
His gaze is penetrating, as if he’s silently trying to tell me something, but my brain has turned to mush.
My eyes flick up to Jared. He’s smiling happily. He knows nothing.
Oh no, what do I do?
Around me, everyone is watching the exchange, and I become painfully aware that I’m standing there, frozen in horror, mouth agape, staring. I force myself to move, lifting my hand and putting it in his offered one, shaking it. “You too.” My voice is barely above a whisper.
Tears are burning in my eyes. I need to leave. I’m about to lose it. My mind is whirling.
Jared looks down at me, his arm tightening on my waist in prompt. “Okay?”
I give an awkward nod and force a smile. “Yeah, yeah,” I lie. “I just actually really need the bathroom. I think the alcohol has gone to my head.” I exaggeratedly roll my eyes and look down at my empty cocktail glass.
Jared dips his head and kisses my temple. “It’s at the top of the stairs, first door on the right.”
He lets go of me, and I wobble on my unsteady legs as I rush inside, needing to be alone for a couple of minutes because the freak-out is creeping up on me at an alarming pace.
I set my empty glass on the table and hurry up the stairs, locking the bathroom door behind me and leaning on the sink. My breathing comes out in short, sharp wheezes. My eyes lock on my reflection in the mirror, and I loathe myself.
It is Theo that I’ve been crushing on all this time, Theo I’ve fallen head over heels in love with on those Mondays, Theo who did magic tricks and gave up his newspaper, Theo who helped old ladies off the train and shared his phone so little kids could watch cartoons.
I cover my mouth as a strangled whimper escapes. Tears well in my eyes as panic takes over.
When a knock on the door behind me sounds, I gasp and turn, looking at it in horror, praying it isn’t Jared. Because … what do I say to him now? I thought you were someone else, and by the way, I snogged the face off your twin brother a couple of weeks ago?
“It’s occupied,” I croak, watching as the handle turns.
“Amy, it’s Theo. Are you okay?”
Oh God.
At the sound of his voice, my stomach clenches in anguish. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Can I come in and talk to you real quick?”
I huff out a breath and debate on saying no. I want to put this off for as long as possible, but I know I can’t. This needs sorting; it can’t stay hidden.
I close my eyes and reach for the door lock, flicking it open. He opens it immediately and steps in, relocking the door behind him, trapping us in this small space together. I press back against the sink, and my eyes wander over him. He’s exactly like Jared, the strong shoulders, the eyes, the mouth I kissed …
My breath catches in my throat as I quickly look away.
He laughs awkwardly and sweeps a hand through his hair, messing it up even further. “Look, I know what you’re stressed about, and don’t worry; I won’t say anything.”
I swallow around the lump that’s formed in my throat and wipe away a stray tear as it silently streaks down my cheek.
“The kiss,” he clarifies when I don’t answer. “It all makes sense now. I’m assuming that scene on the train wasn’t for me.” He raises one eyebrow in question, and I nod dumbly. His lips press into a thin line. “I’ll be honest with you; I was so shocked the other week when you kind of pounced on me. It came out of nowhere, and you were so different from your usual shy self on the train that I was taken aback. Now, I know why.”
My heart is pounding. I need to sit down. “I thought you were Jared,” I rasp.
He nods, watching as I sit on the edge of the bath and put my head in my hands. “Yeah. Not gonna lie, I did enjoy it, but it does make this a little awkward.”
Awkward is the understatement of the century.
A strangled sob leaves my throat, and he crouches in front of me, gently placing one of his hands on my knee. “Look, don’t worry about it. It’s happened before; you’re not the first.”
I look up at him through watery eyes and shoot him a disbelieving glare. “Jared’s other girlfriends have kissed you and said you looked … oh God.” I can’t finish the sentence. My face flames with heat as I think about me pronouncing how perfectly fuckable he looked.
Theo chuckles darkly. “Not exactly like that, no,” he admits. “But we’ve been mixed up plenty in our lives. Our own mother used to confuse us all the time until we were, like, eight.”
“You’re identical. I’m not surprised.”
He shakes his head. “We’re not exactly identical. We’re mirror twins.”
When I look up at him blankly, he moves to sit beside me on the edge of the bath, crossing his ankles. He seems to fill the whole space, and my own traitorous body reacts as my temperature bumps up a couple of degrees at the closeness of him. Then, another wave of loathing washes over me, and I hate myself even more for noticing how warm and hard he is while pressed against my side. I slide a few inches away before I go insane.
“Mirror twins,” he repeats, turning towards me a little. “For example, I have a mole here.” He reaches up and points to the small freckle he has under his right eye.
I look at it and nod. “So does Jared.” I’ve kissed that tiny mark numerous times; it is my favourite.
Theo shakes his head. “No, Jared’s is on the other side, under his left eye.”
I frown in confusion and look at it again, and my mouth drops open in shock. He’s right; it does look out of place. I didn’t notice when he pointed before. It’s such a small detail to overlook.
“We’re mirror twins. It means, if we were to stand facing each other, we’d be the exact reflection of the other, like you looking in a mirror,” he explains. “We’re opposites in everything. He’s left-handed; I’m right. He’s left-footed; I’m not. Everything is the opposite, like a reflection.”
I recoil and let that information sink in. It all makes sense.
Theo slaps his hands on his knees and stands up. “So, just stop stressing. I won’t say anything about the kiss. I don’t want to ruin what you’ve got going on with my brother. I’ve not seen him this happy in forever. Actually, I don’t think I’ve seen him smile this much in his whole life. He’s so reserved and quiet; he’s a pretty guarded person, and he usually doesn’t let people get to know the real him. But with you, he’s able to be completely himself. He’s utterly crazy about you. I know this because he’s told me so.”