Guilt is choking me, clogging my throat. My eyes fill with tears again.
He laughs and reaches out, taking my hands and pulling me to my feet. “Wipe those tears. Everything is fine, I promise.” He passes me a wad of toilet tissue he’s pulled from the roll.
I force a smile and reach up, carefully wiping at my face as I try not to smudge my make-up or make my eyes red. “Thanks, Theo.”
After I flush the tissue and take a couple of deep breaths, I turn to face him. He smiles and leans in, wrapping his arms around me, engulfing me in a hug.
I gasp, shocked, but don’t pull away. It’s a nice hug, soft, affectionate. As I lean in and hug him back gratefully, I notice that he smells different, holds me differently, stands less stiffly than Jared does.
“Come on; it’s okay. No one will ever hear it from my lips, all right? Our little secret.”
He pulls back and zips his thumb and forefinger across his lips and then mimes throwing away the key, pretending to slam-dunk it into the plughole. It’s so silly that I can’t help but laugh.
“Get that game face on, and let’s rock the shit out of this party. Someone mentioned cake and dancing. Just be warned: stay the hell away from my mum’s cocktails because they’re deadly.”
I grin at that. “If your mum doesn’t try to give you alcohol poisoning through a homemade cocktail, is she even your mum?”
He laughs loudly and looks over at me, his eyes twinkling with amusement as I follow him back down the stairs to the garden. “Look who I found. She got lost,” Theo jokes.
Jared grins at me, the one that makes his eyes crinkle, and guilt hammers at my insides again.
twenty
Nothing’s changed, I try to tell myself.
But I know that’s not true. Everything has changed.
I fight my guilt and torment, trying to pretend like nothing is wrong as Jared takes my hand and pulls me to his side.
“Okay?” he whispers, looking at me worriedly, as if he can somehow sense the building horror inside me.
No! I kissed your brother.
I force a smile and nod. “Yeah. I think it was the cocktail,” I lie, pressing against his side as his arm slips around my shoulders.
One side of his mouth quirks into an apologetic smile. “I should have warned you. Sorry. I think her cocktails are, like, eighty percent vodka. They’re toxic.”
I chuckle and shrug. “Theo just said the same thing.”
After that, I’m engulfed in the conversation happening around us. Their aunt Theresa is reminiscing about old times, bringing up tales of the twins and Emily’s rebellion years and teenage angst. All the while, she’s sipping on her lethal cocktail through a straw of all things. I find myself loosening up again. The ball of tension that settled in my stomach is slowly unravelling as Jared unconsciously strokes his thumb against my shoulder.
“Oh, and remember that karaoke machine you boys got for Christmas one year?” Aunt Theresa suddenly asks Jared. “You must have been about ten years old. You and Theo were the cutest things ever!” Her smile is so wide that it’s almost manic.
Jared groans and closes his eyes. “Can we not, please?”
But Aunt Theresa chooses to ignore his obvious unease. “You wanted to start a boy band. Oh gosh, what was it you used to sing again? Deborah, can you remember? They’d sing it over and over for hours.” She grasps her sister’s elbow and gives it a little squeeze, her forehead creased in concentration as she tries to remember.
“Please stop talking,” Jared begs, shaking his head.
Deborah laughs and nods. “Kris Kross. They had a dance and everything. Called themselves T and J.”
My mouth drops open. I need to see this immediately!
“Mum. Stop. Talking,” Jared says. His face is scrunched up in what I guess is mortification as he rubs at his forehead with his spare hand.
Theo laughs and playfully nudges Jared with his shoulder. “We should do it now for Amy. Revival of T and J!”
Jared scoffs, “I would rather shit in my hands and clap than do that right now.”
Laughter erupts from the people milling around, and I almost choke on my drink, coughing around my fit of giggles.
Theo grins and turns to me. “You want to see it, Amy, right?”
My eyes widen as I nod in agreement, trying to stifle my laughter. “I don’t just want to see it. I’ve gotta see it.”
Jared turns and gives me the side-eye, which just makes me laugh harder. “Not happening, I’m afraid.”
“Oh, come on,” I tease, pouting at him.
He’s saved from answering by a loud bang that echoes into the night.
I jump in fright, and Deborah squeals and claps her hands. “Ooh, the display is starting!”
I look up as more fireworks crackle and fizz into the sky.
Jared leans down, talking into my ear over the din, “There’s a fireworks display at the local playing park. That’s why we’re outside most likely—free entertainment.”
“Oh, okay. Frugal party planning. I like it.” I nod and tap my finger to my temple.
He grins and sets down his empty glass, stepping behind me, wrapping me tightly in his arms, his chest pressing against my back as we both watch, oohing and aahing in all the right places. Turns out, his favourites are the loud ones that make your stomach quake, and mine are the ones that sizzle as they fall.
Where his arms are around me, he feels me shiver. It’s getting colder now, and my thin bomber jacket is more for looks than practicality. The patio heaters aren’t banishing as much of the cold as they should as the temperature drops.
“Are you cold?”
When I nod in reply, he pulls away and unzips his own jacket before leaning back against me and tugging the sides around me, so I’m cloaked in his delectable scent, trapped in his jacket with him. I can feel the warmth of his body that’s seeped into the material, and it’s wonderful. His arms go around me, tugging the jacket, so it covers us both as much as possible as he leans down, planting a kiss on my cheek. His breath and mouth are warm on my skin, and I press back into him further.
I hear his mum, “Aww,” but I don’t look over at her.
I just enjoy the moment and pretend that he’s not making my heart ache with guilt.
When the fireworks finish and the last light from them fades away, leaving smoke trails in the sky, Jared turns to his dad. “Maybe we should move the party inside now? It’s getting cold.”
Kenneth nods. “Good idea. It is getting a bit nippy.” He claps his hands to get everyone’s attention. “Let’s move inside now before we all catch our deaths.”
I smile gratefully at Jared.
Deborah steps to our side. “Jared, can you help your father turn off all the patio heaters and put the covers on the firepits, please, darling?”
“Yeah, sure.” He nods in reply, and the warmth of his body disappears as he steps away.
I try not to whimper at the loss of contact. I instantly feel a little vulnerable and lonely. As he walks off with his dad, Jared glances back over his shoulder, catching my eye and winking at me before he proceeds to do the Kris Kross legs-and-jump dance combo, and then he just carries on walking as if nothing happened.
I burst out laughing just as Deborah smiles and loops her arm through mine.