"It sounds like he does now. Do you think he might have changed?"
Ryan had changed. The question was...how much?
"I do, but it's been a long time. I'm not sure we even know each other anymore."
"Then get to know each other," Grant suggested. "It sounds like you still care about him. It might be worth finding out if he feels the same. But let me suggest that you might know more about him than you think you do. You spent your formative years together, after all. Sure, he might be stubborn but is he a good person? Is he honest? Hardworking? Does he care about others and have empathy? Do your morals and values align?"
"He's all of those things."
And more.
"Do you think he still has feelings for you?"
"That's a loaded question," Mariah said, pleating the napkin between her nervous fingers. It was a query that she hadn't wanted to think about too closely, afraid of the answer. "I have no idea how he feels. I know that his original plan was to avoid me."
That statement made Grant smile.
"Then he still feels something. If he didn't, then it wouldn't be any big deal to be around you. It sounds like you and this Ryan have some unfinished business."
Mariah frowned. "Is this what you usually do on dates? Talk the women into going after other men? It seems like a rather limiting strategy."
"I'm an idiot when it comes to love and relationships. But there is one thing I know for sure, and it's that I want the person I'm dating to be totally into me. If not, then I need to move along. No harm, no foul. No recriminations. Maybe friends were all we were meant to be."
"You want to be friends with me?"
"Everyone can use more friends."
It was almost the exact same thing she'd said to Ryan.
"I think that I'd like to have you for a friend. You're a nice person, and wise, too."
"I like laying some wisdom down every now and then. So what are you going to do about Ryan?"
"I have no idea," she confessed with an uncomfortable laugh. "I'm not sure that I'm convinced that he's still carrying a torch. He doesn't seem the type."
"Keep your eyes open when you're with him. I can give you some body language advice if you'd like it."
Mariah wasn't sure she wanted it. She wasn't sure she wanted to do anything about Ryan. Or their relationship.
Because if Ryan still had feelings...and she had feelings...then what in the hell were they going to do about it? She didn't want to go after something that was destined to fall apart anyway.
Was Ryan best left in the past? Or did they deserve a second chance?
She didn't have any answers, but one thing was certain. She didn't want a second heartbreak at the hands of Ryan Beck. She'd barely survived the first one.
17
After finishing up with Trent, Ryan headed back to his apartment. He'd received a message from the office that they had information for him, and he wanted a chance to sit down where it was quiet and review it all. He only had Isla left to talk to and she was being difficult, being vague about when they could meet. Stepping out of his cab in front of his building, he was greeted with a sight that he didn't like at all. A rush of emotion punched at his gut, almost taking his breath away.
Mariah. And another man. Hugging on the sidewalk. She looked happy.
Why am I so angry that she's happy? I should want her to be happy.
And I'm not angry. I'm just surprised.
Happy, but not that happy.
This - feeling - wasn't welcome. He didn't have any business being jealous of Mariah in the arms of a man. He didn't want to be jealous either. It wasn't convenient in the least. He was still working on trying to be friends with her, and now he wanted to knock that guy into the street and let a bus run over him.
He must have been standing there staring because eventually she noticed him, giving him a cheery wave as she bid the man goodbye. She stood on the sidewalk as he drove away before turning back to Ryan, who still hadn't been able to move from his spot.
Just like that. In a mere split second more than a decade had melted away and he was twenty-two again. Life hadn't seemed nearly as difficult or complex. Twelve years ago he would have strode up to Mariah and pulled her into his arms, kissing her senseless.
Today? He wasn't going to do that. He was going to remember that they weren't a couple anymore. That he'd moved on.
Funny, I don't feel like I've moved on, though. Is this why I didn't want to see her?
It was like being hit on the head with a clue-by-four. He'd wanted to avoid Mariah because his emotions when it came to her were messy. They'd separated mutually back then but he'd never found anyone that made him feel the way she had.
And it appeared that she still could. Shit, this was not good. Clearly, she'd moved on. Married, divorced, and now dating someone. She wasn't losing any goddamn sleep over him.
Now he was even more pissed off.
"Who was that?"
Christ on a cracker, could he be any more obvious about his jealousy? He needed to keep his mouth shut but for some reason that was proving more difficult than usual.
"A friend of mine. We had lunch."
He held the door open for her and they entered the much cooler lobby.
"A friend? Or a boyfriend?"
He wanted to slam his head into the wall but instead he simply pushed the button to call the elevator.
I am such an idiot.
Mariah didn't appear perturbed about his intrusive questions, which only served to piss him off more.
"It was a date. If that's what you're asking."
"I wasn't asking anything."
"It sounded like you were asking if he was my boyfriend."
"Why would I ask that?"
The doors slid open and they stepped into the elevator. Ryan tugged at his collar, wishing he were just about anywhere but here.
"I don't know. How about we change the subject? What time are we leaving for dinner?"
Ryan had completely forgotten that they were supposed to go to dinner with his parents that night. Together. Like they were a couple.
"You don't have to go."
Shit, that sounded rude. He hadn't meant it to come out like that. He'd just wanted to give her an out. His parents had put her on the spot yesterday.
"Why would I not go? I told your parents that I'd be there."
"They didn't really let you say no."
"If I had wanted to say no, I would have said no. But I want to go. I like your parents and I love the cook's roast chicken."
"It's just chicken."
The doors slid open and they stepped into the hallway, the tension thick between them. He followed her to her apartment door.
"Ryan, can you please just say what you mean?" she asked, placing her key in the lock. "Did you want to have dinner with your parents alone? Because if you do, then I'll stay home."
That sounded like one of Dante's circles of hell. A four-course dinner of torture.
"No, but–"
"Then I'm going. If you don't want to ride together, I can go on my own. Just let me know."
"Fine, and you don't have to be so snippy about it. I was just giving you a chance to bow out if you really didn't want to go. I would think you'd be more grateful."