"Sassy as ever, babe. That's what I love about you. And no, that isn't my kink either. I was just wondering if you were feeling that I took advantage of you. I made the first move."
"And I made the second," Mariah replied, settling into the corner of the couch and tucking her bare feet under her. "I have no regrets."
"That's good."
They stared at one another for a long moment, neither one wanting to be the next to speak. This was the tricky part.
Sighing, she rolled her eyes. "So...talk to me. We kissed. Do you want to do it again? Because I do."
"Hell, yes. Of course I want to do it again."
He was still standing in the middle of the living room.
"But we need to talk," she finally said. "We need to decide if it's a good idea. If we can really do this."
His shoulders slumped slightly. "I want to make this work, Mariah. I'm just going to take a leap of faith and put that out there. I've never been able to get you out of my head or my heart. I want a second chance. What about you?"
He'd been brave and now she had to do the same. Her heart was pounding and her hands were shaking so hard she had to tuck them under her knees. For all her jokes and bravado, she was scared shitless. It was like jumping off a cliff and praying that someone below had accidentally left a mattress behind to break your fall.
There were no guarantees. They'd grown up but had they changed enough? She didn't have the answer.
"I want that, too," she said, sounding almost breathless which wasn't surprising. She was almost dizzy just sitting here from lack of oxygen. "I'm scared, though."
He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Me, too. I don't want to fuck this up. I want this to work, Mariah."
"But...?"
"No buts. I want this to work and I'm willing to do what it takes. I just–"
He broke off just as Mariah had finally taken a deep breath.
"So there is a but."
"I don't want us to fall into old habits. We've both changed. I just want it to be enough."
At least they had the same fears. It would be easier to face them together.
"Can I tell you something that I learned from my marriage and divorce?"
"Yes, as long as it's not how much you loved and adored him."
Rubbing at her temple, she shook her head. "I learned that no matter what you do or how hard you work, if you're not with the right person it's not going to be okay. Bobby and I did everything that we were supposed to do. We went to marriage counseling. We did all the homework, we went on date nights, and we shared our feelings. Ultimately, it didn't matter because we just weren't right for one another."
He gave her a dubious look. "I'm not sure what you're saying here."
"I guess what I'm saying is that I think that you're the right person."
It was scary saying it out loud. They'd been apart a long time.
"I think that you are, too," he said softly. "I want to make this work. I don't want to walk away and wonder what might have happened."
She didn't either.
"You don't live in Chicago."
She wasn't sure why she was bringing up that fact at this particular moment. It was just one of a myriad of issues that they'd face in the future. Perhaps she wanted to see right here and right now if he'd compromise. He'd had trouble with that before.
"I don't," he agreed. "That's going to be an issue. I can talk to my bosses about possibly working out of Chicago. I don't know if they'll agree to it, but I can try."
"You would do that?"
"I can only try. If they say no, then I'll have to travel back and forth. I would hope you would travel, too."
"I would." She nodded, her mind going a million miles an hour. He'd done it. He was capable of compromise. She could almost hear angels singing. "I might consider moving to Seattle, if you can't move here."
His brows shot up. "You'd leave Chicago? You love it here."
She almost opened her mouth to tell him that she loved him too, but it was too soon to be making emotional declarations. They had much to work out.
"I won't ask you to make all of the compromises. It wouldn't be fair."
"Careful," he chuckled. "We're almost sounding like a mature couple. We don't want to get too crazy."
"We do sound mature. How boring," Mariah teased. "Next thing you know we'll be discussing the weather and fire insurance."
"Fire insurance is important," he agreed with mock solemnity. "And I think it's supposed to rain tomorrow."
They both burst into laughter, the weird tension between them starting to drain away. They knew each other so well. Her date had been right. It didn't matter that they'd been apart for over a decade. They had a history together. She knew that he didn't like black olives and he knew that she cried easily when watching movies or television. She knew that Christmas was his favorite holiday and he knew that Halloween was hers. They knew the deep stuff, too - the fears and the dreams. She wanted to learn all about any new dreams he might have, too.
"I like the rain. I just don't like storms," she replied. It was inane but they were both just gazing at each other sort of stupidly. She wanted to stand up and run into his arms but she wasn't sure what the next step was.
Luckily, Ryan appeared to know what to do at momentous moments like this. He stepped forward, a smile playing on his handsome face.
"Can I kiss you again?"
She wanted that. More than she wanted to breathe.
Her heart raced and her hands trembled with emotion. She'd never admitted it to herself but this was what she'd wanted. Ryan.
Gathering every bit of courage she had, she answered his question.
"Only if you make love to me, too."
From the grin on his face, she was pretty sure his answer was yes.
21
Mariah didn't remember making a conscious decision to move into the bedroom with Ryan but somehow that's where they'd ended up. Rolling around on her mattress, they couldn't seem to get enough of one another, their hands constantly touching, exploring, and pulling at clothes that were simply in the way.
There was a confidence in Ryan that he hadn't had the last time they were together. Not that he hadn't been sure of himself...he had been. But now it was different. It was the quieter, more mature confidence of a man that was comfortable in his skin. There was no hesitation and there was also no haste. The sex with him had always been good but she could already tell that this time was going to be amazing. His fingers seemed to find all of the most sensitive spots on her body and his mouth and tongue were doing dangerously delicious things as well. It was so good and it was only the beginning. If they played their cards right, they'd get to do this together over and over again for years to come.
She liked the sound of that. Together. For years. This man had owned her heart for so long. It was only fair that she owned his as well.
Their clothes were in a forgotten heap on the floor as Ryan kissed a wet trail down her neck and between her breasts. The pads of his thumbs stroked her peaked nipples until she was twisting under him, soft sighs escaping from her lips.