He won’t let me go as he said, but he won’t have a choice.
As Ethan drifts off to sleep, I remain awake despite his gentle plea to sleep.
“I’m here for you,” he reminds me again and again.
However, despite what we’ve done and his nearness to me, I need to make a stand for myself. I need to do some things on my own to be strong enough for him. He’s been proving over and over he’s here for me, and I have to hope he’ll understand. I’m done running and hiding. I need to be seen on my own terms before I can give myself completely to this man who deserves every part of me and more.
Card 28: Eggshells
Toss them in the garden for compost
[Ethan]
I wake alone facing the windows of Ella’s room, but I sense a presence behind me and quickly roll to find Jacob standing beside Ella’s bed.
“Get fucking dressed,” he growls at me, and I roll back to the window. Once I hear his feet thunder down the stairs, I slowly sit up. My eyes are drawn to Ella’s mural, which is torn from the wall. The images litter the floor minus one. Slowly, I rise and concentrate on the one picture staring at me, beckoning me.
Ella looking over her shoulder, staring out of the photograph.
My heart sinks.
She’s gone.
I know this before I see the note stuck to the wall under the picture.
It isn’t you. It’s all on me. Please understand. The way you look at me is the way I feel about you. I’m looking at you, too.
That’s it. That’s fucking all she has to say to me. Grabbing my costume from her bathroom, I head to my room and dress in jeans and a flannel. I meet Jacob in the kitchen. He sits on a stool at the island, hands clasped before him.
“Pam called me. Tell me what happened.”
I repeat the night’s events up to the point of bringing Ella home.
“And what were you doing in her bed?”
I don’t answer as I lean over the island myself, my arms braced to hold me up.
“Where is she?” I ask instead.
“Answer the fucking question!” Jacob yells at me, a vein straining in his neck. He watches me, and I stare back at him. “Did you fuck my sister?”
Before I can answer, he’s off his stool and at my throat, pushing me back into the double oven. He’s shorter than me but a scrapper, and he took me by surprise.
“No.”
“Did you fuck my sister?” he repeats, hollering in my face.
“No, man. No. I fucking love her.”
Jacob stares at me, and I’m startled myself.
“I love her.” My face falters, and I knock my head on the stainless-steel appliance behind me.
“How did I not know about this?” Frustration fills his face. His sister hadn’t mentioned us when she saw him in New York, and the secrecy hits hard. Maybe she never really wanted to be with me long term. Maybe I was filling a need for now. The thought unsettles me.
“You didn’t need to sleep with her for the money. You only needed to protect her.” Jacob shoves at me.
“Fuck you, man,” I say, pushing Jacob off me. “I didn’t sleep with her for the money. Fucking keep your money, just tell me where she is.”
Jacob sighs and scrubs at this face. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
“Pam called me last night, and I took the first flight here I could get. I called her when I landed, and she told me not to worry, but Ella was safe.”
“What does that mean? Is Ella with Pam?” Why did Ella leave me? Where did she go? And why did she go with Pam?
“I don’t know. Pam’s being secretive, and I should fire her ass, too, but I need her right now. She’s my connection to my sister.”
I don’t need to ask. I’m fired.
I don’t want to ask about the money. Like I told him, I want him to keep it, but for some reason, my parents come to mind. My mum. My dad. Their struggle.
“I’ll get my things,” I say, turning for my room, my heart in my gut.
“Where will you go?”
“Why do you care?”
Jacob sighs. “Because if she comes back, I’m guessing she’ll want to know where you are.”
I don’t know where I’ll go. I hate the idea of going home. I’m thirty-fucking-three and returning to my teenage room seems like a cop-out on everything. But I can’t call Pam and ask for a place to stay. If she’s hiding Ella for some reason, she isn’t going to help me.
Instead, I make another call.
+ + +
“You can stay in this room. The bathroom’s down the hall.” Jess Carter looks up at me with pity in his blue eyes.
“Man, I really do appreciate this.”
“No worries,” he says. “I get it.”
Tossing my bag on the floor, I fold to the bed as Jess leans against the doorjamb to a spare room in the house he shares with Emily.
“What happened?” Jess exhales, folding his arms over his chest, and I cover my face with both hands and fall back on the bed.
“Don’t you already know? Pam intervened,” I snap.
“My sisters are always meddling,” Jess states but chuckles where I fail to find the humor.
I give Jess the basics of how Ella and I were involved and how she left without more than a few words this morning.
“I don’t know what to do.”
Jess nods, agreeing with me. When Emily left him, he didn’t know what to do either. He turned sour and pissy for weeks. Fortunately for him, he had a happily ever after when all was said and done. I’m not sensing such a romantic ending for me.
“I’d recommend chasing her if you knew where she went. For now, you just move forward as best you can. Take it day by day. It’s the only advice I have.” It’s kind of shit advice, but Jess has more responsibilities than I do, and he had a reason to live his life day by day when Emily left. He shrugs. “And you hope for her to come back to you.”
I stare up at the ceiling. “What if she doesn’t?”
Jess sighs. “Then she was never going to be yours, E.”
“That’s crap advice,” I mutter, still grateful he’s going to let me crash here for a night. I can’t face my parents, not yet.
“I’m not an advice columnist. I leave that to my fiancée.” I roll my head on the bed and look directly at him.
“Fiancée? When did that happen?”
“A few weeks ago, but I told everyone at the party last night.” He chuckles again. “What a night. Between you and Tricia, I don’t know who had it worse. In all the excitement, I hardly had time to announce my engagement to Emily.” I instantly sit up and stare at my friend.
“Dude, congratulations. I’m so sorry I missed it. What happened to Tricia?” I question, concerned for his youngest sister.
“Take a shower. You look like shit. Then come downstairs and I’ll tell you what I know.”
Oh man, this does not sound good. Between her nasty ex-husband and her new roommate, I’m worried about what could have happened to her. However, I’ve seen Leon on occasion, and that dude would not let anything happened to Tricia. His protective nature reminds me of how I feel about Ella.