My stomach twists. “Are you saying you’re going back to your old firm in New York?”
She scrunches her face. “I don’t know. They would take me back, but I left for a reason. They do pay well though.”
“There are a ton of high-paying firms in Chicago. Why don’t you look for something here?”
“I’d have to take the bar exam in Illinois.”
“So, take it. Or look for something else. The job market is booming right now. You could do anything here.”
“I’ve been out of work for two years and don’t have anything to put on my résumé besides my attorney experience. I’m not exactly marketable right now.”
“I don’t think that is true. A lot of employers would love to hire you.”
“You’re biased.”
Panic grips me. “So you’re just going to leave?”
She softly says, “I don’t know. I don’t want to.”
“Then don’t,” I sternly say.
She closes her eyes, and her face turns maroon. “Steven, I transferred the last of my retirement account today. There’s nothing left. It’ll be gone in two months and will only last that long since you paid my rent. That’s how bad it is.”
Hope pulls my ear so hard, I think it might fall off. I shift her to my other hip.
“I have plenty for both of us. You don’t need to leave. Find something here.”
“This isn’t easy for me. I just told you I have nothing left. I pawned my grandmother’s earrings for God’s sake.”
“You have me.”
Silence.
My stomach pitches. “Or am I not enough to keep you here?”
She places her hand on my arm. “Steven, this isn’t about you.”
My insecurities take over. “No? Sounds that way.”
“It’s not,” she firmly says.
Hope slaps me, and I put her in the playpen. “Tell me, Harper, what are we doing here?”
Her eyes widen. “What do you mean?”
“You know what I’m asking.”
Her lip shakes.
“This is just a week of fun to you, isn’t it?”
Her eyes glisten. “I never said that.”
“I think you just did.”
Her tears spill in the silence. And my heart shatters into little pieces of sharp glass, and it feels like they’re stabbing me.
How could I be so stupid?
“I’m going to get some air. I’ll see you later.” I spin, and when I get to the elevator, she calls out, “Steven.”
But I don’t turn around. I can’t. The air in my lungs is thick and stale, and every piece of any hope I have we are real and she is the one, dies.
And I curse myself for getting involved with her. I knew I was playing with fire, and I did it anyway. It wasn’t a secret she was going back to New York. I knew it before I ever kissed her. And I had my rules and structure in my life for a reason.
But until just now, I didn’t realize how deep I had fallen. It once again makes zero logic to me. It’s not even been a full week since I met her.
This is what happens when you sleep with someone before you properly date them.
For hours, I walk the streets, spiraling. When it gets dark, I go back to the penthouse. I want to see Harper, but I don’t. I don’t trust myself around her. She’s broken down all my walls, and I shouldn’t have allowed it.
She wants this week just to be casual sex.
You’re already in over your head. Get out now.
But I promised my sister I would look after my niece, so I return.
In theory, it’s easy to tell yourself you’ll just keep it in the friend zone going forward, but in practice, it’s not realistic. Once you’ve dipped your toe into the place you shouldn’t go, there’s no going back.
So when Harper wraps her arms around me and claims I mean something to her, I tell myself to keep it casual for the rest of the week so I don’t get burned any further because I can’t resist her. I need her, so if all I have is the next few days, I’m going to take every second I can with her.
But casual has never been something I can do.
And that’s the problem when you have sex in complicated situations. It muddies up everything.
16
Harper
There’s a hardness in Steven’s face, and it only leaves when we have sex, which was several times last night and this morning before and after he worked out. But as soon as we finish, his chiseled face turns to stone. It’s as if he put a wall up and any intimacy we had is gone.
And he makes me beg. Harder than I ever have before, he keeps the inferno burning in my body and on edge with adrenaline simmering forever before he unleashes it in full.
I’m not sure what to do. Anytime I try to talk to him, his lips, hands, or any other part of his body turn me back on, and we’re going at it again.
“Am I still going with you tonight?” I quietly ask him before he leaves.
He clenches his jaw. “Don’t feel obligated.”
“I don’t. I want to go.”
“Sure. I need to get one of my tuxes at my place before I pick you up.”
“I can get it.”
He opens his mouth then snaps it shut. His jaw twitches. “I’ll handle it.”
“It’s not a big—”
“I’ll pick you up at six tonight.” He leans down and kisses Hope on the head. “Have a good day, sweetheart.” He briefly glances at me. “You, too.”
Before I can say anything, he spins and leaves.
No kiss?
I follow him to the elevator. “Steven.”
“I need to go, Harper. I have a ton of stuff to get through before the sperm donor’s event tonight.”
I reach for his tie and yank it so hard, he has no option but to lean down toward me.
“You forgot your kiss.”
His blue eyes blink once, but he doesn’t move. I stand on my tippy toes and kiss him. At first, he doesn’t open his mouth, but I don’t back down, and he finally caves, slides his hand around my waist, and kisses me so hard, my toes curl.
I keep my face close to his. “That’s better. Have a good day.”
His face is finally soft, and he murmurs, “You, too.”
I slap his ass. “Well, get out of here. Scoot.”
He bites back a smile and leaves.
I turn to Hope. “All right, sweet girl. We have dresses to try on today. Should we put you in one, too?”
She tilts her head. “Should I show you what I’m talking about?”
She reaches out and tugs my hair.
I get her changed and fix myself up then put her in the stroller. Vivian’s isn’t far, and it’s a beautiful day, so I walk the several blocks.
When I get inside, Anna and Vivian are drinking coffee.
“You’re early,” Anna says.
“Sorry, too early?”
“No, just surprised since you think eight is, and it’s only seven thirty.”
“Steven gets up and goes to work at the ass crack of dawn, so...”
Vivian raises her eyebrows.
“What?”
“Are you going to fill me in on what’s happening between you two, or should I keep filling in the blanks myself?”