“Honey,” I begin, “the reason you and Rayne have the same last name is because he’s your daddy.”
“I’s has a daddy? I’s never had one of those befores.” She looks up at me, as if I’ve just opened the sky to let all the stars shine through.
7
Rayne
“Can I gives him a hug?” I hear my daughter attempt to quietly ask her mother.
“Of course, you can, baby girl,” I answer instead of giving her mother the chance to. “My arms will always be open and ready for a hug from my special girl.” I feel mist begin to form in my eyes as she whips her head in my direction. “I don’t bite, Hadley, I swear.” I hold up my hand as she begins to giggle.
“People’s don’t bite, only doggies,” she says as her giggles form into full-blown laughter.
I smile as the melodic tone leaves her mouth. It’s music to my ears, a tune I never knew was missing from my life until this very moment. Hadley slowly wiggles down off her mother’s lap. Once her feet hit the floor, she looks back at her mom. Jacey nods, encouraging Hadley to come see me. My arms feel empty as they await that, what feels like forever ago, promised hug. I have to tamp down the urge to run over, grab her, and scoop her into my arms, to never let her go.
Hadley hesitantly walks in my direction. It seems to take forever before she’s standing directly in front of me. She lowers her doll into the chair next to me, then opens her arms wide for me to pick her up. My hands begin to shake violently as they reach under her armpits to bring her closer to me. Once she’s eye level with me, she graces me with an earth-shattering smile as her arms wrap around my neck. She’s so tiny in my large arms that I fear that I’ll break her if I squeeze too hard.
“Hi, Daddy,” she says as she buries her face into my neck.
“Hi, beautiful girl.” With tears clogged in my throat, I just manage to get the words out. I look over at Jacey and notice tears gliding down her cheeks. Thank you, I mouth to her before my eyes close. I get lost in the loving embrace of my two-year-old. My eyes snap open as her name begins running through my mind. The meaning suddenly hits me like a battering ram. “You named her after my mother and grandmother?” I ask Jacey. My mother’s name is Nicole Joy Wilde, and my grandmother’s name was Hadley Emerson Staton-Wilde. I’m not sure why neither I nor my sisters put two and two together when we were engrossed in reviewing her information.
“Yes. I wanted her to have a piece of her father’s history in her name.” Those words are my undoing and I bawl into my girl’s shoulder as it sinks in. She knew how important those two women were, and are, in my life. She gave me a dynamic gift, even if I didn’t know about it.
“You have no idea,” I say, not able to get the rest of the words out.
“I think I do,” she whispers.
And she would.
After all, she was a key player in my life growing up. She knows all the good and bad things that have transpired in my life. “How long will you be in town for, Rayne?”
“As long as I can.” I have no definitive plans at this time. My only recourse is to get to know my family.
I once knew Jacey well, but I have a feeling a lot has changed since we parted ways.
I want to know the mother side of her, not the girl who used to spend endless summer nights in the backyard with me.
Jacey
I spent the day feeling like a bystander, and interloper whose only mission is to watch as the father and daughter bond. Rayne and Hadley clicked instantaneously, it’s as if they’d never spent a day away from each other. He helped her dress and then re-dress Annabelle several times; the doll has an outfit for every occasion. I still have the blisters on my fingers from the last one I painstakingly made. The two of them watched all her favorite Disney movies, and she gave him multiple tours of the house as something new entered her brain.
I’m in the kitchen stirring a pot of boiling noodles because Hadley requested and insisted that her daddy gets to eat her favorite dinner with her. So, here I am, making Chicken Alfredo and homemade garlic bread. Lost in thought, I don’t hear Rayne enter the room.
“My sisters have been texting me all day. They’re anxious to meet their niece. When do you think we could set that up?” I look at the portions I’m making and calculate if there’d be enough to serve them too.
“They could come have dinner with us if they’d like,” I answer him.
I’ve missed those girls, and whereas I’m excited to see them, I’m also scared shitless. Justine and Sibley won’t be hard to get through to, but Billie, she’s going to make me jump through hurdles of tangled ropes. Rayne pulls out his phone and his fingers begin to type away. Suddenly, I’m wishing I’d put this reunion off for another day . . . maybe a year or two further down the road. But knowing those Wilde girls the way I do; they’d never let that stand. They are three of the most hardheaded women I’ve ever known. When they want something, nothing and nobody is going to stand in their way.
“The girls will be here in fifteen,” he announces, not giving me another glance as he leaves. My eyes lift up from the boiling water and watch him as he leaves. He still has the power to make me go weak at the knees.
This is not a good thing.
“Fucking wonderful.” I sigh as I pull out another loaf of bread. “Let the party begin.” I’m so lost in what I’m doing that time manages to fly by. The doorbell ringing catches me off guard as I strain the noodles of their water and I jump from the shock of the noise. Hot water splashes everywhere and the singe of my skin has tears immediately forming in my eyes. “Shit,” I hiss. Throwing open the freezer door, I stick the entire length of my arm inside. The pain radiating from the burn has me dancing as I try to will the painful sensation away.
“Oh look, a grown woman doing the pee-pee dance,” Billie states in a tone that has my back stiffening ramrod straight. Oh, yay, the attacks are already beginning before the hellos get said.
Wonderful.
“Billie, I see you still have that delightful sense of humor.” I bring my arm out of the freezer and slam the door shut. The sound bounces around the room, echoing off the walls in my small kitchen. “So, are we going to have it out right here and now? Or do you think we could wait until my daughter isn’t within ear’s reach of us?”
“Oh, don’t fret, Jacey dear, you and I will be having a little chat. But, unlike you, I will always put my niece’s best interests first. You may have temporarily won the battle, Jace, but we, well, we’ll win the damn war.”
With that said, she turns around on the heels of her feet and proceeds to stomp away from me. I see I’ve already been judged before I even get a chance to state my case.
I hope she never finds herself in my shoes.
Matters of the heart don’t matter.
What’s important, well, it’s securing your child’s future. I couldn’t let my hurt feelings get in the way of what I felt was best for her. If I’ve lost my pseudo-family in the process . . . well, it is what it is. But Hadley, she’s irreplaceable and too damn young to make pertinent decisions for the future or herself.