“I cans get her myselfs,” she angrily pouts. I don’t know what phase she’s going through, but lately she’s been adding an ‘S’ to her words. “I does not knows why you tooks her without telling me first.”
“It’s ‘can’ and ‘myself’, first of all,” I correct her, earning me a stomp of her foot. She hates it when I do that, but as a mom, I can’t help but want her to use the correct verbiage when speaking. It’s my job to make sure she’s well educated and versed through life. “And it’s ‘don’t’, ‘know’, and ‘took’.”
“Stops, Mom. Don’t be means.” Dear Lord, someone help me to not lose my cool with my ill-tempered daughter. There’s not enough sleep in the world to help with that feat, especially when she’s on a roll like she is right now.
“Hadley Nicole, I am not being mean to you. I did it for you so your dolly was nice and sparkly.”
“No mores. I give her baths. Okay, Mommy?”
“Sure, Hadley. Whatever you say.” I internally roll my eyes at her words. I can only imagine the way she’d clean Annabelle. Her dolly would be clean, but I’d have a mess on my hands afterward. “We need to leave here in ten minutes. Let’s go brush your teeth and hair. You’re gonna go visit Mrs. McGuire while Mommy works.”
“She smells funny.” My little girl scrunches up her nose. Mrs. McGuire is in her sixties. She goes to the retirement house and oversees bingo there every Thursday night. Her house does smell like that of an older person, but she’s good to Hadley. She loves her as if she were one of her natural-born grandchildren.
That thought makes me internally sad knowing that I’ve hidden Hadley away from her biological grandparents. My parents would make me come home with my tail tucked firmly between my legs if they knew about my daughter. Then I’d have to face Rayne and his family.
No, thanks. I’m nowhere near close to being ready for that particular confrontation. I’ll keep Hadley and myself in our own little bubble until my hand is forced.
Which, hopefully, will never come.
The wedding went off without a hitch or a hiccup.
It was smooth sailing.
Even Stephanie’s in-laws looked and acted impressed, though I’m not sure if that was all for show or if they were truly happy with the outcome. Needless to say, I’m exhilerated that I’ll never have to be in the same room with them again. They snubbed their noses at me every chance they got, but I just ignored them. If I can handle a bunch of loud, out-of-control rockers, I can deal with those who believe they’re better than everyone else.
I may not run in the same social circles as they do, but that doesn’t mean I’m any less important than they are. Granted, Stephanie’s husband loved everything, and they’re the two whose opinions mattered.
As soon as I have Hadley down for the night, I fill my tub with water and pour in a generous amount of bubbles. My feet are aching and my back is sore from all the walking and lifting I did today. I could use a good night's sleep and temporarily contemplate taking an over-the-counter nighttime medication, but I nix that in the bud. I need to be able to wake up and be alert if Hadley needs me throughout the night.
You never know when it comes to children.
One minute they’re running around the house and the next they’re sicker than a dog. It can hit just like that. I should know, I’ve had my fair share of sleepless nights.
Hadley is prone to ear infections and one night, she woke me up with blood running down the side of her face.
That scared the ever-loving crap out of me.
She waits until they’re so bad before complaining about her ears hurting. She’s so used to having an earache that she blows it off until it’s so bad she needs immediate medical intervention. I have no idea where she gets such a high pain tolerance from, but I can guarantee it’s not from me.
I cry when I so much as get a hangnail.
Climbing into bed, I close my eyes and am immediately swarmed by thoughts of Rayne. He used to be what I lived for, but now, it’s all about Hadley. I know I’ve robbed them both of a relationship—a daughter needs her father after all. No one knows this, but I went to find them when I first found out I was carrying Rayne’s child. What I walked into—a party in full force in the ‘party area’ of the club they were visiting—had me hightailing it back out. Rayne had embraced the single life and ran with it.
I’d never seen that side of him before, and when the true reason he wanted to be single slapped me in the face, I made the ultimate sacrifice and never looked back, keeping my daughter away from the spectacle of the spotlight and endless rounds of women.
I’ll never forget that night as long as I live.
5
Jacey
Three years, six months earlier . . .
Walking into Club Enigma Streaks, which sits in the middle of downtown Atlanta, Georgia, my nerves are frazzled and frayed. Will he reject me and accuse me of getting pregnant on purpose?
Fuck, I’m nervous.
I know the band will be in the VIP section. Grabbing my old pass that states I’m the band’s manager, I flip it out for the guard who’s in charge of letting people into the secured and forbidden area. He quickly scans my credentials then lets me pass.
We’ve been in this club before on previous tours, so I know exactly where Rayne will be sitting. When I locate him, my eyes bug out and my stomach churns. He has some bimbo on her knees between his legs, her head bobbing up and down as two other groupies are groping him, nuzzling his neck as his hands are massaging each of their tits.
It’s a motherfucking orgy in the making.
There are drugs and alcohol everywhere. Rayne’s sisters are also dealing with their conquests of the evening, so no one pays me any attention as I stand there, jaw to the floor, with tears welling in my eyes.
“They don’t need you anymore, as you can clearly see,” Jameson, my old assistant, coldly says to me. “Their life is so much happier without you in it.” His expression is one of delight as he witnesses my heart being ripped from my chest.
“Fuck off, Jameson,” I angrily seethe in his direction.
“You were nothing more than heavy baggage they were so ecstatic to have gotten rid of. It’s time to move on, Jacey. Don’t look back. Take your cue and leave with some pride left.”
“He needs to know,” I mumble.
“Know what, Jace? That you’re a pathetic human being who can’t move on from her gold-digging ways?”
“No, asswipe. That I’m pregnant with Rayne’s child.”
“Now you’ve just hit an all-time low, Jace. Are you not woman enough to stand on your own two feet? Is that it? You can’t make it in the world on your own, you need your money makers? Look at them. Their life is finally the way they want it without you holding them back. Rayne has had a different woman in his bed since the day you ran off. Don’t be ‘that’ woman, Jace. The one who uses a man to ensure her future. If, and that’s a big ‘if’, you are really pregnant, shouldn’t your kid come first? What kind of life will it have touring the country? Don’t be selfish. Think of someone other than yourself for once. You tell him this, and he’ll quit to be with you. He’ll end up working some menial job and be miserable for the rest of his life. Not only will he stop doing what he’s passionate about, but you’ll take his sisters down with him. None of them will keep going without him by their side. He’ll never forgive you for yanking his life out from under him and trapping him in a nine-to-five job. I’ll make sure you get financial assistance from the band, as long as you hand me proof that you are indeed pregnant.”