Enough! He was being ridiculous. How absurd to yearn for something that would never happen. Noel rolled over in his cot and blinked the burn from his eyes. Jairus sighed.
“I’m not a virgin anymore, Noel,” he said in awe.
“Congratulations.” Noel tried to keep the bite from his tone. He didn’t think he accomplished it.
Jairus’s bunk squeaked. “Are you all right?”
“Of course,” Noel lied, even as his heart broke. “I’m fine.”
Hesitation. Then, “O-okay.”
Night encased them, and Jairus fell silent. At long last, his breathing deepened, and he started to snore. And Noel… Noel wept.
Committed. Riley was Jai’s Committed. They’d bonded.
Fury sprouted to life in Noel’s gut as he released Jai’s clammy hand, scrambling to his feet. The revelation had broken Gideon, and the Prime gawked at Uriel, an odd squeaking sound leaking from between his lips.
“He’s not my Committed.” Jai gingerly rose to a sitting position, scrubbing his ashen face. “There’s no bond.”
“Oh, there’s a bond, all right.” Uriel hoisted Jai to his feet, where he listed dangerously to the side, his eyes unfocused.
“There is no bond!” Jai bared his teeth, but even as he denied it, terrified doubt buzzed through the Other bond.
A terrible anger bubbled to life in Noel’s veins, and he swallowed the envious creature in his chest wanting to beat Jai to a pulp. He faced the mousy Archangel. “They can’t have bonded. Riley and Jai aren’t… they never…” Except could he really say that? How was he to know if they’d bonded? It was a rather intimate affair—cue the envious rage.
The creation of a Committed bond didn’t require sex, but the two acts usually went hand in hand. And Jai had been so defensive, wracked with guilt. They all felt guilt, of course. They all three felt responsible. But Jai carried it more heavily. Because more had happened in Riley’s bedroom than he’d first confessed.
“Did you fuck him?” Noel glared as Jai placed a hand on the wall to steady himself. He cringed, refusing to look at Noel, and it was answer enough. Wrath overtook rational thought, and Noel snarled, “You son of a bitch!”
Before anyone could stop him, he lunged at Jai, smacking and punching as he succumbed to his rage. Riley had left them, purposefully abandoned them, and Jai hadn’t stopped him. No, Jai had fucked him instead. Jai had taken Riley’s virginity, and now he was gone.
“How could you?” Noel swung without thought, and Jai took every hit. He didn’t fight back; he didn’t even shield himself. Jai accepted every violent strike like he deserved it, and a sob exploded from Noel’s throat as someone dragged him off his Other. “You selfish asshole. How could you?”
“I didn’t mean to,” Jai whimpered as Gideon hauled Noel across the room, clamping his tree-trunk arms around his torso to hold him back. “I didn’t mean to.”
“Shut up! Shut up.” Noel’s fight evaporated as quickly as it flared, and he slumped in Gideon’s arms. Tears burned his eyes at the betrayal that wasn’t really a betrayal. Riley was Jai’s as much as he was Noel’s, and yet…
And yet.
Why didn’t Riley come to him? He thought they had something special. Did Riley not want him? Was he not good enough? Why did he choose Jai?
No! No, that wasn’t right. That was insecurity and jealousy talking. Riley wanted him; Riley loved him. But he’d still chosen Jai. Gates of Hell, it burned like acid.
“How could you do this to me?” Noel sobbed, unsure if he spoke to Jai or Riley.
“I’m sorry,” Jai whispered, curling in on himself as a bruise bloomed on his jaw where Noel’s fist had connected.
Shame washed over Noel, and he buried his face in his hands. He fought to control the emotional upheaval. Jai had done nothing wrong, yet he’d allowed Noel to lose control. He just took the unwarranted anger like he’d earned it.
Fuck, it wasn’t supposed to be like this.
“Everyone, shut the fuck up!” Uriel barked, the Dominant in him lacing the order with authority. Then the tiny, scary Archangel leveled Noel with a glare. “Get your shit together, Guardian.”
Noel nodded, and Gideon carefully released his death grip on Noel’s body.
“Riley isn’t my Committed, okay?” Jai said quietly, eyes locked on Uriel. “There’s no bond. There can’t be.”
“Did you have sex?” Uriel’s blunt question made both Jai and Noel flinch. Gideon stiffened, his hands tightening to fists.
Jai’s jaw ticked. “That’s none of your fucking business.”
“Maybe not, but it’s relevant.” Uriel waited, but Jai remained silent, shoulders hunched. The Dom sighed. “Your skin feels too tight and flushed, yet you can’t stop shivering. You feel emotions that aren’t yours, there’s a pulse beneath your breast that doesn’t match your heartbeat, and there’s something under your skin you can’t quite explain. You’re feverish and nauseous, and there’s a burning in your chest. Your heart is beating too fast, and you can’t catch your breath.”
With every word Uriel spoke, the paler Jai became, and his dark eyes lifted to Uriel’s in horror. “You feel like you’re dying inside, but you know that if Riley was here, if you could just touch him for a moment, it would be better. If he was only here, you wouldn’t feel this way.”
“Stop.” Jai recoiled from Uriel’s outstretched hand. “Please, stop.”
Uriel smiled sadly. “He would fix it, wouldn’t he? If you could hold him for a little while, all of the pain would stop.”
“No, no, no.” Pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes, Jai groaned like a dying animal, and their Other bond tugged. He was in pain. Jai was Noel’s Other, his better half, his everything, and he was hurting.
Noel approached carefully, measuring each step to ensure he didn’t spook Jai or incur Uriel’s wrath. When neither spurned him, he sidled up next to his Other and slid an arm around his waist. Jai startled but didn’t remove his hands from his eyes. Noel’s head found its home on Jai’s shoulder.
“He isn’t my—he can’t be. He can’t be,” Jai said.
“Uriel, are you sure?” Gideon’s voice was raw and thick.
Instead of answering, Uriel circled Jai’s wrists and yanked them away from his face. “Look at me.”
“He isn’t my Committed! I would know if we’d bonded. He can’t be!” Like an insolent child, Jai glared at the tiled floor, sweat trickling down his temple.
“Look at me, Jairus!” Uriel captured Jai’s jaw and forced eye contact between them. “What happened with Riley?”
With a shuddering sigh, Jai closed his eyes, and defeat crushed his shoulders. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. I told him we shouldn’t. But he…” Jai met Noel’s gaze for the first time, his expression tortured. “I didn’t mean to, but he begged me. He begged, No, and I couldn’t… I wasn’t strong enough. I’m sorry.”
For the first time in decades, Noel watched his Other break down into tears. Jai cried, pleading for forgiveness, for absolution he didn’t need. Noel’s heart wrenched in his chest, their bond twisting, and his eyes welled. When Jai hurt, Noel hurt, and this was no different.