He stands from his seat, the computer chair hitting the wall with a loud thud. One of the photos above the desk sways, reminding me of the twisted game I’m playing with Enzo.
“I know what you’re doing!” He commands my attention with that one single sentence. My body fills with so much life, so much darkness. I crave it. I crave him.
“Then let me do it! Let the walls down... You have nothing to be afraid of!” I shout at him, my own face growing red with anger.
An icy glare is shot my way as I can feel the temperature rising.
“I was once an evil man. A man who would’ve killed anything that crossed him the wrong way.” He comes to stand in front of me. His height, his body, his menacing stance causing my body to go into hypertension. Enzo’s hand reaches out, pushing the locks of hair behind my ear. The motion is soft and gentle, something I don’t want right now.
“I’ve watched you kill. I’ve seen you covered in blood. I’ve even killed for you.” My declaration comes out as nothing but a whisper. I know he hears it. His eyes lift, going straight to the wall behind me.
“I’m not him anymore. I’m not a callous killer, and I’m not going to put you through whatever it is you want from me just because you want that other person back.” The air fills with tension. Did I want to go against this bull, can I handle the horns? The pain I’ll cause myself?
“You are him,” I growl, my hand slamming against his chest. Enzo raises an eyebrow at me in warning. “Underneath all this bullshit is the man I fell in love with. The man who made love to me and fucked me like he meant it when I needed it. The man who gave me our first child, and the man who I married,” I shout, the words falling from my lips without a care.
“I. Am. Not,” he shouts back. Tears threaten to fall from my eyes, but I hold them back, not allowing my emotions to get the best of me.
“You are. He’s in here. I can feel it. With every stroke of your cock inside me, every beat of your heart against my own tells me he is right there.” I poke him in the chest. “Right underneath your flesh, waiting for the one moment when you finally unlock the cage you hold him hostage in.”
Fuck.
“The person you want is gone, Amara.” His face grows cold. “The further you push, the harder you dig, the more I couldn’t care less about being here. If you don’t want me for who I am, then you don’t need me at all.”
I take a step back, shock coursing through me. I watch him, waiting for his expression to change, for a flicker of guilt to show in his eyes. Instead, he stares at me for a long moment before turning around, grabbing his keys and leaving. I hear the roar of his engine come to life, but I still stand there, trapped in place by his words and my own emotions.
All I want is him, the man I fell in love with.
Throwing myself onto the couch, I finally allow the tears to fall.
Enzo
My fist lands against the brick wall, my knuckles cutting open as blood drips from my hand. I want the pain to make the ache in my chest go away, but it doesn’t. It just makes it grow bigger and bigger.
When I left the house, I did so because I couldn’t handle the words I had to say, and I wonder if I truly meant them. I love Amara with every fiber inside me, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to bring back that person she wants so badly. I want to be her everything, but I also want to be stable. Going back to my old ways can wreak havoc on my life. If anything, I’m scared of the damage I can and would cause.
I text Eli, telling him to meet me at a bar. I need someone to talk to, someone who will call me out on my shit without a second thought.
“Sorry I’m late, I have to…” He stops mid-sentence, taking in my facial expression. He knows my feelings better than anyone, almost as good as Amara did.
“I’m so fucked,” I admit before bringing the beer to my lips and taking a long pull from it. I don’t want to be that man, the one who constantly fucks up. I want to be the best dad I can be, and I want to be an even better husband.
“How so? Like in a literal sense or in a ‘you just did something and feel like life is screwing you like a two cent hooker?’” A smile forms around my drink. Eli always finds a way to pull me from the mayhem going on in my head. Eli smiles at me like he just won some amazing prize by making me smile.
“In an, ‘I fucked up and said something I shouldn’t have to Amara, and now I’m not sure if it is the right thing.’ Hell, I’m not sure if it’s even okay to say...” I sound devastated, heartbroken. How can that be? I still have her.
Eli tilts his head at me as if he is a little too amused for my liking. “You mean to tell me you finally fucked up and caused an argument?” His question seems to piss me off more.
“Whose side are you on?” I raise my eyebrow up at him.
“Whoa, I haven’t even heard the issue yet. Let me get both sides before I pick one.” He puts his hands out, acting all innocent.
I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“Why do I feel like you don’t even care to hear my side of the story?” I take another swig of my beer, the effects of the alcohol not even setting in.
“Honestly…” He smiles. “If Amara is pissed, you probably did something really fucking wrong.” My mouth gapes open. What is he trying to say?
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you fucked up. In the literal sense. She basically broke every rule for you. You have been through tons of shit with her. Shit that any normal woman would’ve broken down from. I mean, you killed people in front of her, hell, she killed someone for you. If she’s pissed about something after all of that, it’s probably serious.” I want to slam my beer down on the bar and punch Eli in the face.
“And what about all the serious shit you did? Is that inexcusable in a literal sense, or is that you just fucking up?” I spit back at him, pissed the fuck off he’s right.
“Calm down there, killer. This isn’t about me, fuck-face. But since you brought it up... I have fucked up in every way possible, but at the end of the day, when push came to fucking shove, I’m man enough to go crawling back to her on my own motherfucking knees. I didn’t get to have no pity-fucking-party. Therefore, take that princess crown off your head and start acting like a man.”
“Fuck!” The other bar patrons don’t even bat an eyelash at my outburst. The music from the jukebox is far too loud, that, and they are used to a scuffle or two taking place in this bar.
“Now, I must ask… what is it you did?” The look on Eli’s face makes my stomach flip. I’m exhausted and so fucking disappointed in myself. How can I behave this way?
“I got home yesterday. James came and picked up Gia, and Amara was acting strangely. I mean super fucking strange, and then she spilled the beans on what is bothering her.” I pause. “I was so fucking taken aback by her words that I allowed them to eat away at me the past twenty-four hours.” Anger is on the verge of splitting me in two. I’m like a volcano ready to erupt at any point in time. There would be no warning or mercy to those in the way of my destruction.
“Well, what’s bothering her?” Of course, Eli asks the hardest question of them all.