Then, if I get in somewhere…
There’s no way I’m going to make it through even a week of med school in this state. Forget about four years plus residency and specializing.
“No one would fault you for taking a semester off.” Kara shifts her weight between her heels. She brushes a dark strand behind her ear. “Have you thought about that?”
“I can’t lose momentum.”
She nods and adjusts her cream and navy dress. Kara always looks put together, no matter the circumstances. Even first thing in the morning, her makeup, hair, and attire are always on point. Every day, without exception.
I feel like a frizzy, under-dressed mess next to her.
Last year, I was so busy studying for the MCAT that I never had time to pull myself together. But that was different. I was filled with purpose. I felt fine with my hair unwashed and my face unadorned.
Right now…
I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. My flip flops squeak as I take a step forwards. We’re up.
I order a large grapefruit green bubble tea. Kara orders the lemon black tea, light on the sugar. She whips out her credit card before I can say a single word about paying.
“You’re a generous date,” I say.
She motions to the white booth in the corner. “And I won’t even expect you to put out.”
Damn, I’m blushing.
And she’s smiling knowingly.
It’s not exactly normal being a virgin at twenty-one. It’s not that I’m avoiding sex. It’s more that I’m busy and I don’t have the time for a boyfriend.
Kara occasionally teases about my lack of experience, but it’s nothing major. She teases me about my obsession with Star Wars ten times as often. I tease her back. Her taste in films tends toward pretentious indie flicks.
Usually, the gentle ribbing doesn’t bother me.
But right now…
My thoughts go back to that dream. It felt real, like his fingertips and lips really were touching my skin. Even now, my breath is hitching. My heart is racing. My body is buzzing with desire.
This is the only thing I’ve wanted since Rosie died.
It’s equal parts terrifying and exhilarating.
I’m so lost in my dirty rock star fantasies that I barely notice Kara take the seat next to mine.
She slides my tea across the table.
I unwrap my straw, stab the plastic film covering my enormous cup, and take a long sip. Ah, citrus and sugar and caffeine. I can actually taste this.
And it tastes good.
It feels good on my tongue.
She takes a small sip. “I miss you.”
“I miss me.”
“I won’t push you, sweetie, but… I am going to keep forcing you to leave the house.”
“School starts Thursday.”
“Besides school.”
I take another long sip. “I’m here.”
“Progress.” Her smile is half-teasing, half-serious. “My friend… Drew. You remember me talking about him?”
I do remember Drew. He’s Kara’s childhood best friend. They grew apart back in high school. Then six months ago, give or take, he got back in touch. He’s a sci-fi geek wrapped in a hotter-than-sin musician’s body.
Not that I know any of this firsthand. Everything I know about Drew is what Kara has told me. I don’t know his last name, or what he looks like, or if he’s successful.
Through her eyes, he’s the hottest, most talented musician in the entire world.
As for me…
Well, I’m not into bad boys.
Especially not tortured vocalists who somehow see into my soul.
Ahem. “Yeah, I remember him. He’s the one you definitely don’t have a crush on,” I tease.
“I don’t.”
“No, you just like talking about how handsome he is, and how much you miss him coming to your room, lying in your bed and strumming his guitar.”
She swallows hard. “I’m not about to deny facts. Drew is handsome. That’s science.”
I cock a brow.
She laughs. “And he’s a talented guitarist. I can’t help my love of music.”
“Your thoughts of his skilled fingers.” I wipe my hands on my jeans. Rosie would know exactly what to do here. She was good at this kind of thing. “What is it you want to do at Best Buy?”
“Well, you know Drew’s in that band. They moved here because they got a record deal. And the record is out now. I know it’s silly to buy a CD, but I…” Her cheeks flush. “I want one. For posterity. But I can grab it online.”
“Are they good?”
“I like them. But I’m biased.”
“Cause you don’t like him?”
She takes another sip. “We’re only ever going to be friends and I’m okay with that.”
She’s obviously not okay with that, but I have no idea what I’m supposed to do or say here.
Kara clears her throat. “Stop giving me that look.”
“What look?”
“He’s hot and I want him, but that’s all it’s going to be. I didn’t even realize how much I missed Drew until he got in touch. And now… it’s been almost all texting. When we’ve met up, it’s been… it’s different.” She bites her lip. “His friend is throwing a party Sunday and I’m invited. We’re invited.”
“We’re invited?”
She presses her hands together. “You don’t have to come, but it could be good to get out. Meet some people. Have some fun.”
“You mean drink a lot?”
“If you want.”
“Hook up with a stranger?”
“No, honey… I don’t expect you to turn into Rosie. No offense. I loved your sister, but she was-”
“She was the life of the party.”
She smiles. “I miss her too.”
“You hated her.”
She shrugs maybe. “We had our differences of opinion, but we both… we both wanted the best for you.”
I nod. “Where is this party?”
“Hollywood.”
“The nice part or the shady part?”
“In the Hills.”
The Hills are expensive. Is Kara’s friend that successful? She never acts like it. “It’s his party?”
She shakes her head. “His friend.” She takes a long sip of her drink. “There will be lots of hot guys there. Musicians, actors, models…”
Damn, I never want to think about a musician again.
Rosie would have killed me for turning down this kind of invitation.
“It’s up to you,” Kara says.
“I’ll go.” And I’ll find a new object for my lust.
I’m not saying I’ll go home with someone.
But I am going to erase Miles from my mind.
Period.
End of story.
Miles
The music journalist has a straight face.
If anything, he’s overly earnest.
He holds his pen to his notebook as if he’s about to record every word that flows from my lips.
As if we’re not on camera at the moment.
As if he works for the New York Times and not for some MTV knockoff video blog.
Fuck, I don’t care where the man works.