There were a few seconds of awkward silence.
"I hadn't heard from you in so long that I just assumed we probably wouldn't talk again," he said.
"Yeah, oh, yeah. No, yeah. I figured that, too. I just saw your mom, and I… I'm… I was… I don't even live in Galveston. I did—for a year, you know, but not anymore. I'm back home in Louisiana now." I took a deep breath, trying my best to compose myself. "I was just thinking about old times after I saw your mom. Tess is about to have her baby, so I was in Galveston for the shower and everything. I just came back home yesterday. She still hasn't had the baby."
"Yeah, I talked to Billy yesterday."
"Oh, really? Billy? Yesterday?"
"We talk every other week or so," Daniel said. "I thought I would have heard about the baby by now, so I called him yesterday."
"Oh, I didn't know you and Billy still talked that much." I took another deep breath.
I hadn't talked to Daniel in two years. I had talked to Billy a lot in that time, but he never mentioned Daniel or told me that they kept in contact. I felt embarrassed, humiliated, rejected, overflowing with guilt and regret.
"I'm so sorry, Daniel."
"Don't be sorry, Abby. I'm happy to hear from you." His voice was deep and genuine, full of care and concern, full of forgiveness.
"I know, I’m happy to hear from you, too," I said even though I hadn't technically heard from him.
In that moment, I realized that I had my heart set on trying to be with Daniel when I called him. I thought I just wanted to make amends with him, to make things right from when I abandoned him, but that wasn't the truth. I also wanted him to like me. I wanted to pick up where we left off. I knew this because my heart felt broken when he told me he was with someone else.
I had to get past that.
I had to think of him and not me.
I knew I had to act fast before I lost the nerve.
"I know you're seeing someone," I said. "And I don't want to keep you too long or get you in trouble with that or anything, but I just wanted to talk to you for a minute. I don't know how to say this other than to say 'thank you'. Thanks for everything you did over there, Daniel. I was talking to my dad about it this morning, and he said that you had to do something really brave to have gotten that medal, and I just wanted to… I don't know… say thanks for doing that. And to tell you I'm proud of you for going over there and being so brave and everything… and that I'm sorry that I… wasn't there for you more." I got choked up while I was speaking, and I had to pause and speak slowly to get the words out, but I did it. My speech wasn't graceful sounding, but I managed, and I said the things that had been on my heart.
There were a few seconds of silence where I just waited, heart pounding, for Daniel to say something.
"Thank you," he said, finally. "Thank you for saying that, Abby."
He was so sincere and thoughtful that I couldn't help but let out a sigh. "Please don't," I said. "I don't feel like I deserve to be thanked." Hot stinging tears rose to my eyes, and I was glad we were on the phone so Daniel couldn't see me cry. I didn't even worry about wiping my face, I just let the tears fall onto my cheeks since I was alone in the room. "I'm calling to thank you," I said, speaking softly and controlling my voice through the silent tears. "And to ask your forgiveness. I didn't realize how selfish I was being. I'm sorry for telling you not to write me. I shouldn't have done that." I sighed.
"You don't have to apologize," Daniel said.
He was being a gentleman, but I needed him to hear my sorrow and regret. "I know. I knew you would say something like that, but this is one of those times where I did wrong and I need to apologize for it."
"Okay," he said. "I can respect that."
A few seconds of silence passed.
"I should have treated you better," I said. "I took our friendship for granted, and I'm sorry about it. I should have done better."
"Thank you," he said.
"I'm really happy to hear you're happy, though. And that you made it through everything all right. Did you have to go through some hard stuff over there, in Vietnam?"
"Yes, I did," he said. He spoke with such calm certainty that I knew he was telling the truth.
"Anything you want to talk about?" I asked.
"Uh… huh?"
"Is there anything you would want to tell me? Anything you'd like to get off your chest from over there? Or anywhere?"
"Uhhh." Daniel made a hesitant noise, and then cut off with a chuckle. I could hear him hesitating. "No, I don't guess," he said. "They have special people for me to talk to about that stuff."
"Why, because it's top secret?"
"No, because it's not anything you'd want to hear."
"Try me," I said.
"Abby, let's just put it this way. I saw stuff I will never talk about again. Not even to those people who are trained to ask me about it. Certain details of battle, I'm just gonna keep to myself. As far as catching you up on me and what I'm doing, I'm good. I had something happen to my right leg, and at first they told me I wouldn't walk again, but I've been real persistent with healing it, and it's doing good. I barely have a limp now. Most people don't even notice. I'm able to jog on it and everything."
"Your mom didn't say anything about you getting hurt."
"She doesn't know the extent of it. I don't tell her most of the stuff I go through. There's no sense in her worrying."
I felt a pain in my heart. I should've been there for him. I should've been the person he could tell about things he went through. I didn't say anything else, though. I had already apologized, and I didn't want to keep harping on it.
"Did you have to fight in actual battles?"
"Yes."
"Were you scared?"
"Yes, I was," he said with a little chuckle.
"Were there times you thought you wouldn't come home?" I asked.
"Yes, there were those times." He was answering in short answers, but he was speaking slowly, like he wasn't in a hurry to get off the phone.
Daniel and I talked for two hours that afternoon. We asked each other questions and took turns answering them. We answered honestly, but we kept the conversation light. He told me some of his non-battle experiences of being in the military, and I told him some about my life as a teacher.
I didn't ask him about the girl he was dating. I respected that he was talking to someone else, and I didn't flirt with him or anything, but I also didn't bring her up or encourage their relationship in any way.
We talked for so long that by the end of it, I felt a lot better. Daniel was a gentleman—a kind, considerate, funny, well-rounded man. I had taken him for granted, I had made a mistake, but at least he had turned out great. I would have felt a lot worse if I had done what I did and he wound up having all sorts of troubles. Not that it was about me, but I did feel better after talking to him.
Chapter 4