“I used to, when I was scared.”
“Don’t you still get scared?”
“Not anymore.”
Becca gulps because of how he says it; it makes her think something, maybe. She gulps because she thinks that maybe something isn’t perfectly right about her new friend.
“You’re my friend still, right?” she asks him. She bites her lip. She is not supposed to bite her lip. She is breaking all the rules.
“Always.” He smiles and her gulp mostly feels better.
“I don’t even know your name. How can you be my always-friend when I don’t even know your name?” Becca makes a fake pouty face because she knows he’ll laugh. He does. He laughs so easy and she laughs easy now, too.
He stops laughing. He stares right into her eyes. “My name is Ethan, Becca. My name is Ethan.”
Everything is quiet except her mom’s TV. The whole world holds its breath.
Becca finally says, “I think I knew that.”
They are quiet for a long, long time, but Becca doesn’t feel alone because he’s down there, smiling up, waiting for her.
“Are you here to save me?” she asks him, and her voice cracks.
He shakes his head. “No, Becca. I can’t.”
She didn’t think he could. When daddies are gone then they can’t save you anymore.
“But I can take you to a place when it’s over,” he says.
She tries not to cry again. She tries really, really hard, but the water still comes to her eyes. Faith leaves the tree and lands on her windowsill. She picks him up and holds him in her shaking hands. He is not heavy.
becca’s door opens
“I’ll be close by,” Ethan says.
Becca nods, but she can’t say anything. Her voice has fluttered out the window. There’s just a big gulp in her mouth, like a swallowed scream.
“I promise, Becca. I promise, I’ll always be your friend.”
She raises her hand but she doesn’t know why. Maybe to say goodbye. Maybe to say okay.
“I’ll be close by,” he says and his voice sings strong, so not like Becca’s voice. “I promise.”
Then the door screams open and the mother yanks her away.
the mother
The mother’s face scowls. Shadows live there. Her eyes are red with anger.
“What are you doing?” she screams.
Her breath is bottles that stink with scotch and gin.
“What are you doing?”
She shakes the tiny girl that is Becca and the tiny girl that is Becca quivers. Gulps turn into breaths or breaths turn into gulps. There are twenty-seven cracks in the ceiling. There are three cobwebs on the wall.
she wonders
While Becca can think, she wonders if he’s down there on the lawn. She wonders if he’s close by. She doesn’t scream because she don’t want him to hear. She doesn’t scream because she doesn’t want the police to come.
The mother shakes her. She shakes her and then she uses her fists.
She hopes he’s down there. She hopes he’s close by.
there are twenty-seven
Pain explodes inside her eyes. Pain pummels her heart. Everything blurs. Becca’s shoulder loses its place. Her head smacks against the dresser, but still, still she hears her. She hears her say it.
“You’re a bad girl. A bad girl.”
Then Becca is gone.
becca has faith
The police cars don’t put on their sirens, but the red lights swirl around and around lighting up all the houses in the neighborhood. People move onto their lawns, then toward the sidewalk and stare as the policemen put up yellow tape. They hold their hands to their mouths as the policemen bring Becca’s mother out with her hands handcuffed behind her back and the hair hiding her face. She sobs and Becca wants to hug her, but she wouldn’t feel it.
Becca watches all this. She watches all this and then she turns to Ethan, her new friend and her old friend all at once. He puts his hand in hers and it’s so warm and so good that she smiles. They walk past the police cars and through the yellow tape. They giggle. He kept his promise. He stayed close by. He’ll take her somewhere special.
“Will there be other kids there?” Becca asks him.
“Tons.”
“Kids like us? Kids with bruises?” Becca swallows and makes herself brave all over again. “I’m afraid of normal kids. I’m afraid they won’t understand.”
He tells her to look at her arm. The bruises are gone. Gasping, she touches the skin with her fingertips.
Up in a tree is a man, perched on a branch. He stares and smiles and waves.
“Who’s that?” she asks Ethan even though I think she already knows.
“My dad,” he says and with his free hand he waves. “Your grandfather, John.”
“Is he coming with us?”
Ethan shakes his head. “Not right now. He’s waiting for someone else.”
Becca waves to her grandfather up in the tree, swinging his feet, and she and Ethan keep walking and no one sees them, but this time it’s different because this time she’s not really there.
One step.
Another.
Then their feet no longer touch the ground. Their bird friend swoops and glides with them. Then their feet take them up in the air above everything, towards the stars and the sky.
“Magic?” Becca whispers, her eyes big. Her free hand reaches up towards her star friends and her other hand keeps holding his. “Is it magic?”
“No,” he says, laughing. He squeezes Becca’s hand and kisses her on the cheek. “Faith.”
There is a place you go when it’s over. Leaves cover the ground, but they are still crisp and you can jump into them and throw them into your friends’ hair. You can laugh and race and climb trees. You can play tag with your dog. Nobody ever yells there. Never. I promise.