“I’m not with him. It’s a pretence and a game to stop the bullying. Didn’t you tell me to use them while I can?”
“Oh.”
Silence takes claim in the car. I stare from the window at kindergarten kids crossing the street.
“King and I aren’t what you think.” Kim’s voice softens.
“Can’t you see he’s getting between us, Kim?” My voice is defeated.
“I won’t allow that. I’m not an idiot, once I get the information I need, I’ll step away from him.”
“What information?”
She goes back to tapping the steering wheel. “I’ll tell you when I’m sure. The point is, I promise to never hurt you, Ellie. You saw me when I was invisible, and I’ll never forget that.”
I face her, tears blurring my vision. “And I would never hurt you, Kim. You’re the best thing that happened to me since I got into this godforsaken school.”
Kim lunges at me in a bear hug. I wrap my arms around her, inhaling her soft, floral perfume. I didn’t know I needed a hug until she offered it.
When she pulls away, her eyes shift sideways before they meet mine. “Why did Xander ask you to be his pretend girlfriend?”
“I’m not sure, but I think it’s his revenge for Aiden hugging you the other week and all the attention he’s been giving you since.”
Her lips part and she bites back a smile. “Really?”
“Why do you sound happy?”
“I’m not!” She clamps her mouth shut.
“You totally are!” I jab a finger into her side.
She squirms and huffs, throwing a dismissive hand. “You and King, huh?”
My chest tugs at the mention of his name. “Me and King what?”
“Come on, Ellie. The ever so calm King started his first fight for you.”
I shake my head. “He just has some issues with Xander.”
“Yup. He had issues with Xander touching you. I’ve never seen him lose control, not even when his mother died.”
“You were there when his mother died?”
I know Mrs King is no more, but I never actually wondered how her absence can play in Aiden’s life.
How could I not have wondered about it before? People’s psychological issues always start with their parents. The world’s most notorious psychopathic killers usually had mum issues.
“Of course,” Kim says. “We’re neighbours, you know.”
Right. I forget that sometimes.
“How old were you then?” I ask.
“We were maybe seven? I was anyway. She died of illness but…”
“But what?”
Kim lowers her voice as if telling me a top-secret. “Rumour has it that her actual cause of death is suicide, but King Enterprises disguised it as illness.”
“Why?”
Kim shrugs. “I don’t know, but it could be because of stocks and stuff.”
“Was she suicidal?”
“I don’t think so? Aunt Alicia was so sweet and caring. I remember that she loved Aiden and was overprotective of him — something Uncle Jonathan didn’t appreciate. Poor Aiden wasn’t even there during her death.”
I lean forward in my seat. “What do you mean?”
“He went into a summer camp, and when he returned, his mum was dead. I still remember the hollow look in his eyes at the funeral. It still gives me chills… brr. You know, he didn’t cry that day. He stood beside his father in complete silence during the entire ceremony.”
Something tightens at the pit of my stomach. Losing his mother at such a young age while he was away must’ve been devastating. I don’t even remember my parents, but sometimes, I still feel the loss as if it happened yesterday.
Kim drives me home and we spend the rest of the evening studying then binge watch a few episodes of Lucifer until Aunt returns.
A while later, Kim leaves to help Kirian with his homework. She always pretends that he’s a pain, but she can’t spend an entire day without thinking about him.
Kim’s father is a diplomat who spends most of his time in Brussels and is rarely home. Her mother is a renowned artist who’s usually locked in her studio, so Kim has become a grown-up since Kirian was born eight years ago.
She’s not only his eldest sister, but she’s also his mother and father and best friend. She always said that she doesn’t want him to feel the emptiness she felt while growing up.
Aunt and I prepare dinner together. I barely listen to her and tell her about my day at school.
I’m distracted out of my mind.
“Is there something on your phone?” Aunt asks with a suspicious tone when I check it for the millionth time in the past hour.
I force a smile. “No, nothing.”
Absolute desert.
Aiden didn’t send any of his night texts.
I’ll loosen him up.
Silver’s voice wraps a noose around my neck. My fingers itch and my hands feel dirty even though I just washed them.
I put them underneath the water in the sink then pull back when I notice Aunt watching me.
She knows I only get obsessive about washing my hands when I’m anxious.
“I’m heading to the grocery store,” I blurt to dissipate her attention.
“What for?”
“I ran out of tampons,” I say the first thing that comes into mind.
“But you’re not on your period, honey?”
“I’ll be in a few days. You know I like being prepared.” I’m already heading to the door.
“Elsie.”
“Yeah?” I throw over my shoulder.
Aunt Blair waves a bill. “You forgot the money.”
“Right.” I offer an awkward smile and take the bill from her.
“And wear a sweater. It’s chilly outside.”
“Yes, Aunt,” I call from the doorway.
“Hurry back.”
Shoving my feet into flats, I throw a thin sweater over my black cotton dress on which is written ‘Comfy at Home’. It’s similar to an oversized T-shirt that stops at my knees.
The moment I’m out of the house, the first drops of rain hit my nose and lashes. I could’ve gone back for the umbrella, but I don’t.
Instead, I let my legs take reign.
I run down the empty, lit streets as hard and as fast as I can. The night’s chill slaps me across the face and the rain soaks me in seconds.
But it isn’t enough.
There’s a weight on my chest.
It’s suffocating.
It’s robbing me from any clean air.
Every breath I take feels dirty and impure.
I feel dirty and impure.
The only thing able to cleanse me is running and the rain.
Only… it doesn’t.
Images of Silver loosening up Aiden keep playing at the back of my mind like some porn.
That must be why he’s too busy to text me.
I close my eyes and try to purge the images out of my head.
Silver and Aiden are made for each other.
I don’t care about them and their after school activities.
But why ask me to be his if he already has someone to tend to his whims?
Dickhead.
Once I arrive at the grocery store, I buy some tampons and an umbrella. I would rather run back in the rain, but Aunt will give me grief about it.