Riley struggled to hold on to his temper. Wildfire’s spirit and stubbornness were two of the things he most loved about her, but it also meant they sometimes butted heads. “No. You don’t get to make yourself relationship judge, jury, and executioner.”
“I’m not trying to be that, but the hard fact about MS is that it’s just going to get worse, and our lives are not compatible.”
He slammed his fist against a tree, causing water that had collected on the leaves during the storm to rain down on them. “That is complete and utter bullshit. You’re scared, I get it. But there’s no way—”
The sound of a twig breaking cut Riley off. He turned to find Zac and Wyatt coming in a few yards to the south. They’d obviously made the noise on purpose.
“I’m sorry,” Zac said. “I’m truly sorry to be interrupting you, but I thought you’d prefer to know we were nearby.”
The other man looked deeply regretful. So did Wyatt.
“How long have you been there?”
“Long enough,” Wyatt said.
Wildfire gritted her teeth and gave them a nod. “So now you know. Multiple sclerosis. My body is attacking itself. Blah, blah, blah.”
“Annie got back early, and when she found out you were alone and that it was taking you so long to get to camp two, she freaked out. Especially when she found out everything you’d been through today. She was about to come after you, but I talked her into letting Wyatt and me come.”
“Annie wouldn’t tell us anything, just that you might not be able to make it to camp,” Wyatt said.
“I knew she wouldn’t tell anyone,” Wildfire whispered. “Even if she wasn’t a medical professional, I made her promise.”
Riley’s heart broke a little at the look of defeat that fell over her features. In all the years he’d known her, he’d never seen that look.
Her fearlessness was gone.
“Wildfire…” He stepped closer.
She shook her head. “Don’t touch me. I have to go. I can’t talk about anything else right now.”
She walked toward the bridge, and something akin to panic clutched at his chest. What if she fell? Even with the safety ropes, would she be able to get herself back up?
“I’ll help you get across.”
She didn’t look at him. “I can do it myself.”
“No, let me help.” He walked around in front of her, taking the safety rope to attach it to the harness. But she snatched it out of his hand.
“I said I can fucking do it myself!”
“Don’t be stupid.” He took it back from her. “There’s no need to—”
She slapped him. The sound of it rang out all around them.
Neither of them had been expecting it. There was probably more shock on her face than there was on his.
“Oh my God.” A huge tear rolled down her cheek.
He moved his jaw around a little, not surprised to find the blow had cut the inside of his cheek enough for him to taste blood. “Are you done with your fit now? Are you going to let me help you?”
He almost expected her to slap him again. Wouldn’t blame her.
Why was he acting like such an asshole? There were a dozen other ways he could talk to her that would get her to let him help her.
He could joke with her. He could explain that this wasn’t about her abilities, but about his own fear.
He could explain that he was reeling because something was hurting her, and he couldn’t protect her. Couldn’t share in the pain.
He could scream up at the sky and rage at the unfairness of it all that his Wildfire would be struck by something that had stripped her of her fearlessness.
He needed a goddamn minute to take all this in and figure out how to breathe again.
But instead he was just being an asshole.
“No, Riley,” she said quietly. “I’m not going to let you help me.”
She turned away from him, to the bridge, and hooked in the safety line herself.
He was about to reach for her again when she struggled with her balance on the first step, but a hard hand fell on his shoulder.
“You need to let her cross this bridge herself,” Wyatt said in a low voice. “The literal one and the figurative one. If you want any chance with her at all, you’ve got to let her know you believe that she can do this herself.”
“But what if she falls?”
“Then she falls,” Zac said over his other shoulder. “Right now, you’ll have to let that safety line catch her. Because if you try to swoop in and do it, it’s going to cause more damage in the long run.”
“I want to help her.”
He wanted to do so much more than help her. He wanted to carry this for her, make it so she didn’t have to go through it at all. He would take it all on himself if he could.
“Sometimes the only thing we can do is stand next to them as they fight their own battles.” Zac squeezed his shoulder. “I had to learn that with Annie. Nearly fucking killed me.”
“I don’t know if I can do it.” He watched Wildfire take another tentative step across the bridge. “She needs me.”
“She does need you. But right now, she needs to learn how to trust herself. She has to find her new normal. Annie had to do that after what happened to her when she was attacked. I couldn’t do it for her.”
Riley’s fists clenched at his side. He’d never felt so helpless in his entire life. “I—I…” He stopped. He wasn’t sure what he was trying to say anyway.
“Believe me,” Zac said. “Watching Annie in that hospital was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I couldn’t take on the pain or fear for her. All I could do was be there once she was ready to be helped.”
“Everybody knows you guys are good together,” Wyatt said. “You’re meant to be together so much that you even have the same name. It’s all going to work out.”
A year ago, Riley would have agreed without hesitation. Hell, even a month ago.
Wildfire finally finished crossing the bridge. It had taken her well over double the time it would’ve normally taken her, even with her dislike of heights. But she had made it. She unhooked her safety line.
She didn’t turn to smile at him. Didn’t pump her fists in the air or even flip him off. She just kept walking without turning back.
Yeah, today Riley wasn’t sure it was all going to work out at all.
Chapter 22
“Mind if I sit down?”
At Anne’s soft words, Riley looked up from where he’d been sitting with his head in his hands at the picnic table on the edge of camp two.
It had been a long fucking evening that had turned into a sleepless fucking night.
“Sure, although I hate to even ask what you’re doing awake at this ungodly hour.” He slid over to make room for her on the wooden table.
“Zac couldn’t sleep with you pacing out here. He’s worried about you. He was going to come out and talk to you, but I volunteered instead.”
“Because he needs his sleep to manage the race?”
Riley could just make out her soft smile in the moonlight. “My husband-to-be can go multiple days without sleep and still function at amazing cognitive and physical capacity. That, I’m sure, was part of his Special Forces training. I plan to put it to good use once we start having babies. He can get up for the three a.m. feedings since he’s already wired to withstand that sort of torture anyway.”