Riley chuckled. “Smart thinking. I’m surprised you didn’t let him come handle this three a.m. feeding.” He pointed his thumb at his chest.
“He would’ve done it, because he cares about you. You may not be from Oak Creek, but he considers you one of the family now. I would’ve let you both sit out here and grunt it out like manly men do, but I figured I might actually be able to help you a little more. Answer some medical questions about MS.”
“I’ve spent the past two hours cursing the fact that I don’t run with any sort of music. If I did, maybe I would’ve decided that having my phone with me was worth the extra eight ounces in my pack. Then I could’ve looked up as much as possible about MS.”
She shrugged. “Online information about medical conditions isn’t always reliable. Plus, if you had brought your phone, it’d be at the bottom of that ravine with the rest of your pack. Not to mention there’s not much of a signal out here.”
“True on all counts.”
The lost pack was part of the reason he was out here right now. All he had left was the emergency blanket and half of one of the meal bars Wildfire had left him in the hunting shelter. Sleeping under those conditions wouldn’t have been pretty, but it wasn’t lack of comfort that had been keeping him awake.
“I have so many questions I don’t even know where to start.”
“I am one of Riley’s doctors, so I can’t talk about her specifically, but I can tell you about MS in general.”
“Is she going to die from it? I asked her that. She said no, but now I’m wondering if she lied about that.”
“No, MS is not a terminal illness.”
“Okay. Good. Okay.” That was still the most important thing.
“MS is tricky because it’s different for every patient. I couldn’t tell you about Riley’s particulars even if I was willing to. Most people have what’s called relapsing-remitting MS. Basically symptoms will come and go. Some might get worse and become permanent.”
“What sort of symptoms?”
“Lack of coordination. Dizziness. Fatigue. Muscle spasms. Maybe even sexual response issues.”
He wrapped his hands around his head as if it might keep the information out. He couldn’t stand the thought of his Wildfire going through any of this.
“She’s afraid, Riley. I say this because of what I’ve observed as her friend, not as her doctor. She’s afraid about the changes in her own health and the lack of control she has over it all.”
“Is there anything that can be done?”
“There are some things she can control and regulate—diet, exercise, managing stress—that will help keep the relapses far apart.”
“Okay, good.” He looked at Anne. “I want to help. I tried to tell her that. I don’t mean to be obnoxious, but I have money. I can help get her whatever she needs—medicine, therapy, whatever. I don’t understand why she’s cutting me out of her life.”
Anne studied him in the darkness for a long moment. “Do you know when I first heard of you?”
He shrugged. “No.”
“It was when Riley came running into the hospital one day announcing you were about to jump off into that quarry just outside of town. Pike’s Peak.”
“Yeah, I remember that.”
It’d been for an online stunt. He’d gotten more than a million views, and that video had been what had caught the attention of the Adventure Channel.
“Half the town went out there, Phoenix.”
“Yeah, everybody loves the chance to see if the idiot kills himself.”
She chuckled. “Maybe that was part of it. But the other part of it was that it was you. You’re larger than life, not only around here, but all over the world. You’re Phoenix. You fly and you jump and you make people gasp and shake their heads in wonder.”
“That’s not who I am, that’s just what I do.”
“She doesn’t want to hold you back. You’ve got a lot more ahead of you, and she’s afraid that being involved with someone with MS will clip your wings.”
“But—”
Anne held out a hand to stop him. “Make no mistake about it, Riley’s life has changed forever. Her MS is something that will afflict her for the rest of her life. How bad it will get or how quickly, none of us know. But it changes everything for her.”
“And if we’re together, it will change everything for me too, is that what you’re saying?”
Anne stood up. “I know you don’t want to be the jerk who turns his back on a great woman when something bad happens. But the fact is, you and Riley aren’t married. Aren’t even engaged.”
“I love her.”
“You need to take some time. Finish the race and then give yourself a chance to really think about all this. Girl Riley is still reeling from the news, but she’s had a couple of weeks to begin processing it all. You need that too.”
She patted him on the knee and gave him a smile. “Your Wildfire loves you, Phoenix. She just knows you well enough to know that the first words out of your mouth would be exactly what they were: that you would help, that you would stay, that you would take on this problem as your own.”
“Because it’s true.” Time wasn’t going to change that.
“But she also loves you enough that she believes the best thing for both of you is to break up. That your lifestyle—and I get it, it’s not who you are, it’s what you do, but it’s still what you do—is not conducive to being permanently attached to someone with MS.”
“But—”
“Before you say anything else, consider this. She’s not just looking out for you when she says that maybe you guys shouldn’t be together. She’s looking out for herself too. It’s important that she do that.”
That shut him up. He thought back to what Zac had said the other day when they were looking for the missing puzzle box. That he might be hurting Wildfire without even realizing it.
“I’m not sure what to do.”
Anne gave him a crooked grin. “Win the race. I know that’s important to you.” Her voice dropped to the softest whisper. “And none of us want to see Bo win. What a dick. Let me know if you have any more questions.”
“About BoGo being a dick? I think we’re all clear on that point.”
She smiled and squeezed his hand before walking away. The sun was starting to creep its way over the horizon. He needed to leave before Wildfire came out. He wasn’t sure what to say and didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable around him. Plus, he didn’t have any coffee anyway.
Soon the other participants would be up and awake and excited. It was the last day of the race. Everyone had gotten a break yesterday because of the storm, and now they were ready to go.
Maybe Anne was right. He should concentrate on the race. Give his mind something else to focus on besides what was happening with Wildfire.
Running the race, winning the race, wouldn’t change anything about the situation. But it was sure as hell better than sitting here doing nothing and still not changing anything about the situation.
His life was spiraling out of control, but this race, or at least his performance in it, was something he could control.