Abby nods. “He is.” She watches my face.
My jaw drops. My heart starts racing. I think back on everything I witnessed yesterday and how it made me feel. There’s no denying I was aroused watching Lucy get spanked for raising her voice. And Kellen, Master Kellen, was there. He was watching me. Gauging my reactions. I hadn’t realized I was being interviewed, so to speak.
I swallow. “I don’t know, Abby. That’s a huge step. It’s one thing to experiment. It’s another thing to join in. And you’re not talking about floggers and paddles. You’re talking about frilly dresses and pigtails.” I shudder, but I squeeze my legs together at the same time, my pussy pulsing as the words leave my mouth.
“Yep. Think about it. You’ve dabbled in many aspects of the community, but you’ve spent more time with Lucy than anyone else.”
“She’s nice. I like her. She’s a friend.”
Abby nods. “She’s a little, and you’re drawn to her.”
I lean back in my chair and pull my knees up, setting my heels on the edge of the seat. Is Abby right? “I was doing research. I find her lifestyle fascinating. I was thinking I might write about it.”
“I get that, but I think you should try it out firsthand. What better research is there than firsthand experience? You can’t pass up this opportunity. If you decide your inquisitiveness doesn’t extend past curiosity, that’s fine. But what if you learn something new about yourself and find out you enjoy the lifestyle?”
I glance away, feeling my cheeks heat. My unruly curls fall across my forehead, and I tuck them behind my ear, only to have the locks fall right back where they were. I close my eyes, imagining all this curly hair pulled back in braids. Sure would be simple.
“Would you like to watch some videos of other littles in action?” Abby asks cautiously.
I flush further at the thought as I meet her gaze. Abby’s Doms own Vanguard Media. In addition to shooting regular jobs like weddings and graduations, they also shoot BDSM scenes in their home office in the basement. I’ve been to the room. I have not watched them in action though, nor have I seen any of their work.
Abby continues. “It might help you gauge your reaction to various ages and styles of submission.”
I shake my head. “That feels too intrusive.”
“I would never show you anything without the approval of the people involved, Sabine.”
I draw in a breath. “Yeah, but still. I think I’d rather figure it out for myself.” I’ve watched porn before, but it’s not the same. Not even close. It’s fake. The people who come here to be filmed do so for real. They have honest emotions and feelings and arousal. I’ve seen it at Surrender. I’m sure it’s no different here in Abby’s basement studio.
“And that’s fine, too. Honestly, sometimes what gets people off is watching. Other times a submissive needs participation. You won’t know for sure until you try,” she encourages.
I wrap my arms around my knees and rock forward. I’m wearing comfortable jeans and a T-shirt. Abby is wearing a loose, white shift dress. The material is very thin, making it obvious she doesn’t have anything on underneath it. I’ve gotten a glimpse of her stiff, darker nipples several times. I’m under the impression she often spends the day naked in this house, but her Doms have given her the bare minimum to wear in my presence. I’m used to it.
I think of my research. I have a journal I’ve been writing in every night. So far, I haven’t started a manuscript, but I keep thinking I will any day now. I shouldn’t pass up this opportunity. No matter how it goes, I will have learned more. I’m freaked out, and I know very little about Master Kellen, but I do know that Julius, Beck, and Levi would never set me up with someone who would harm me. Nor would Roman.
I bite my bottom lip and then release it. “I’ll do it.”
Abby’s smile widens. “Good. I promise you won’t regret it.”
“Will I have some sort of contract or something?” I know about contracts. People in the community have them. I want to be sure I’m safe.
“You’ll work out those details with Master Kellen.”
I nod slowly, resolved, while at the same time butterflies have taken up residence in my belly.
Chapter 4
Master Kellen
Sabine is extremely nervous. She keeps biting down on her thumbnail, holding it between her front teeth. She has no idea it makes her look like she’s sucking her thumb. It’s precious, and I haven’t decided if I will make her stop the habit or let her keep it.
We’re in my office. Julius dropped her off a few minutes ago. She’s sitting in an oversized armchair that matches the one I’m in across from her. The difference is that I’m six-foot and she’s about five-two. She looks small in that chair, which is exactly why I’ve seated her there. Her feet don’t reach the ground, even though she’s ramrod straight on the edge of the seat.
I’m taking my time with her, partly so that I can judge her every reaction and partly so she can absorb everything fully.
The truth is that I’m a nervous wreck inside. It’s been so long since I’ve had a little in my home, and I’ve never had one who didn’t arrive already knowing what she wanted and what to expect. I know Roman and Julius think they’re doing me a favor. I’m clear on their intentions. They want to drag me out of my shell, put myself back out there.
If Sabine wasn’t incredibly adorable, I never would have agreed to this. But fuck me, she’s cute. Even squirming and fidgeting and looking everywhere but at me. Especially because of those things.
She’s wearing jeans, a white T-shirt, and tennis shoes. Simple. Casual. Not at all what I would dress her in. Not at all what I will dress her in. Starting this morning.
I’m forcing myself to remain outwardly calm and in control, seated casually with one leg crossed over the other. I have my elbow on the arm of the chair and I’m rubbing my chin with my pointer and thumb. I’m wearing khakis, loafers, and a light blue button-down. The perfect Daddy figure.
“Your nerves are palpable, little one.” My choice of words is intentional. I want to put her in her place right from the start.
She shifts her weight back and forth, dropping her hands to her sides and tucking her fingers under her thighs. “I’ve never done anything like this. I’m a little freaked out. I’m not sure I’m cut out for this experiment at all.”
“I’m aware of that. If it makes you feel any better, I’ve never done anything like this, either.”
She jerks her gaze from her lap to meet mine. Her eyes are wide.
I smile at her. “I mean, I’ve never trained a new submissive. A new little. Girls come to me already in the lifestyle.”
She swallows. “I’m not even sure I’m submissive or a little.”
I nod. “That’s okay. You’re here to learn. There is no right or wrong. You’ll figure it out as we go along. As will I.”
Her legs swing a bit.
“Sit still, Sabine. Try not to fidget. It will help you focus.”
She stiffens and then crosses her ankles as if that might help her keep from wiggling. She tries to reach the floor but only the tips of her toes touch. It’s not enough to ground her.