“We both know if I don’t marry you, it’s going to be someone else who can’t stand who I am. There’s no way they’re going to allow me to go off to target practice or spar. I’ve just got to deal with it. I’m fine. Honestly.”
“You were twelve, weren’t you?”
She paused. “Yes.”
“It wasn’t long after your brother died.”
“I got pulled out of boarding school. That very night, after dinner, Dad led me down to the basement and my training began. Up until then, I’d never been hit.”
“Were you a good kid?”
“Yes.” She smiled. “I take it you weren’t.”
“Didn’t matter. I got hit if I cried. I got hit if I didn’t cry.”
“I know you have to get used to the pain. In case you’re ever taken and tortured. You’ve got to take a lot.”
“Were you tortured?” Damon asked.
She opened her mouth to respond and stopped. Talking about her training and experiences were foreign to her. What she went through was what her father felt she needed to do in order to survive. “Dad, he … yes, but it was all for my own good.”
“I don’t think anyone considers being hurt part of their own good.”
She shrugged. “I know he hated what he did and for the long-term, it did me good. Look at last night. I would be dead right now if I didn’t do what I did.”
“It doesn’t piss you off?”
“Damon, it does piss me off but I’m not going to change anything, am I? I’m who I am now. There’s nothing I can do to change that.”
“Were you like every other kind of girl?”
“I have a feeling you’re going to insult me.”
“Planning your wedding. The perfect husband. Stuff like that.”
“You’re sneering.”
“I’m curious.”
“And you’re sneering.” She blew out a breath. Let’s see, no, I wasn’t. I didn’t plan my white wedding. Or the man I was going to marry. I read a lot of books. Studied hard. I didn’t want to become a wife or a mother. The very thought scares me. Whenever I attended those functions and saw pregnant women and then saw the men, I always felt sick, worried. They’re not good men. I don’t want to ever bring children into this world who I can’t guarantee I’ll protect.” Her mouth was suddenly really dry. “Do you want kids?”
“I do.”
“Oh.”
“I know why you’re worried. If it’s a boy, I’m going to have to train him to be like me. If it’s a girl, well, we’re going to marry her off.”
“So comforting,” she said. This was something she was going to need to get a handle on. If she didn’t learn to bite her tongue and not speak everything on her mind, it was going to cause a lot of problems. Her father had allowed her to be outspoken. “I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not. Don’t get me wrong, I’m shocked at how open you are. It’s refreshing, but if we’re going to have to put on a front for everyone else, you’re going to need to keep your thoughts to yourself.”
“You’re right.” She flopped back to the ground. “I’m usually a lot better than this. If I do have a daughter, I know I’m going to make sure she gets to marry for love.”
“You believe in love?”
“Yes. Don’t you?”
“I don’t believe love can exist in our world. It’s all a matter of greed, loyalty, and fear.”
“My parents loved each other so much. It broke my father when she died. The training and torture aside, he was a really good man. I loved him dearly. I miss him.”
“Do you want to fall in love?”
She leaned back on her hands, thinking about it. “I used to. Maybe when I was younger and I didn’t have so much … knowledge.”
“You think knowledge is a problem?”
“You can’t stop knowledge, can you? Once you know something, you can’t pretend to not know it. Love is precious but I know who we are now. We can’t have the satisfaction of falling in love. It gets you killed. I don’t want to die and I certainly don’t want to live past any husband I’m in love with. Did you ever love any of your previous fiancées?”
“No.”
“No?”
“They were all a contract. All of them arranged.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You’re having to marry me.”
“And I suddenly don’t like this conversation.”
“We’re going to have to talk about it. Do you want to wear white? Have it in a church? Large or small ceremony?"
She groaned. “Too many questions.”
“Come on, I’m right here.”
“With a pen and paper?” she asked, hoping he’d leave and she could hide where he couldn’t find her.
He tapped his head. “All up here.”
“Well, the white wedding is going to go without saying.”
“You’re still a virgin.”
“Is that a question or statement?” she asked.
“I know you are.”
Her cheeks started to heat up. “Let’s move on.”
“You’re cute when you blush.”
“Not helping.”
“Do you want to hit me right now?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Do it.”
“Not happening.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “I don’t want a big, lavish affair. My dad’s not here to walk me down the aisle.” She thought about the Boss being Randy’s father. “Do you think I could have Randy walk me down the aisle?”
“You’re trying to piss off the Boss?”
“Maybe.”
“I don’t know, but if it’s a personal request, I can look into it.”
“Awesome. Please do.” She got to her feet. “I need to take care of some things. Make yourself at home.”
What she really needed was to get away from this man. She didn’t want to like him, but she knew it was becoming really easy to forget her reasons for enjoying his company. Making her way back to the house, she stopped at the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water.
Henrietta was there, smiling at her. She was a lady in her sixties and had helped nurse her back to health a few times after some of the beatings. “I see the way you look at him,” Henrietta said.
“It’s nothing.”
“He could be good for you.”
“I’m fine. Thank you.”
“You know it’s not a weakness to fall in love?”
She didn’t respond. There was no way she was going to fall in love with anyone. In the many training sessions, she’d vowed to never allow herself to fall for any man, or to even give him the chance to own her heart. She wasn’t going to fall back on her word to herself.
****
When Isabella didn’t want to be found, she certainly knew how to hide. After she’d left him alone in the garden, Damon tried to find her all day. He’d gone through the security footage he’d found before all the electricity had been cut from the building. Only, it hadn’t been severed, no, this had been with the flick of a switch. Whoever had attacked the building didn’t want the additional work of rewiring. There was no other detail to provide him with which capo could have done this attack.