“No. I mean, I know you wouldn’t back out on a commitment. But this isn’t a... real one. You can back out anytime. I would understand.”
“I’m not backing out. I’m fine. We don’t have to keep talking about it.”
“Okay.” He sounded tired. Resigned. “We’ll let it go. And I’ll try not to get all up into your business again.”
She recognized the words. Realized he was repeating the ones she’d said to him a few minutes ago. Guilt and self-consciousness sliced through her chest. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she said quickly. “I’m sorry if I sounded like I didn’t appreciate your concern. It’s just that I’m used to taking care of things myself. I always have.”
“I get it.”
She searched his face. He didn’t look hurt or angry. Just exhausted.
For some reason she felt exactly the same way. Like she didn’t have the energy to deal with another round of discussion. She leaned her head against his shoulder and softened her body. He adjusted his arm to get more comfortable. She occasionally lifted her head to sip her drink but otherwise stayed in position.
It felt nice. Warm. And safer than the conversation they’d just been having.
People occasionally came over to congratulate them and say hello, but no one lingered long. Ruth was hoping that they’d be able to get through this afternoon without any difficulties when Lincoln and Summer came in, holding hands and laughing about something.
They both waved at Carter and Ruth, looking surprised and pleased by their presence there. Then they got in line to put in their orders.
Carter shifted his body to face her. “Lincoln keeps looking over here,” he murmured. “He thinks something’s wrong.”
Ruth gave a quick look over and saw that Carter was right. Lincoln was trying to be discreet, but he kept shooting them searching looks. The vivid force of his personality was dampened slightly in a way Ruth couldn’t begin to describe. He was worried. “Shit, that man is way too sharp for his own good.”
“I know,” Carter said, low and urgent. “He’s always been that way. It’s very annoying. He can’t know that anything’s wrong here. He can’t.”
“Okay. What should we do?”
“Can I kiss you?” Carter’s eyes moved over her face like he was looking for an answer there.
Ruth nodded and gulped. “Yeah. That’s fine. Go ahead.”
Hesitating for only a few seconds, Carter took Ruth’s face in one hand and tilted it slightly before he leaned down into a kiss. Ruth wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting. Something skillful but artificial probably.
But the kiss didn’t feel artificial at all. Carter’s lips were hungry, and his grip was strong. Ruth’s body flooded with pleasure as she opened her mouth to his and pressed into him. It felt like she was melting, her body a hot pool of feeling that was spilling into him.
His other hand slid down to the small of her back, just where her skin was bared above the waistband of her leggings. He moved his hand from her face to slide it through her loose hair, eventually holding on to a handful of it.
Ruth made a silly sound as arousal began to pulse between her legs. She tried to breathe through her nose, but the sensations were overwhelming. She broke the kiss and gasped against Carter’s neck.
He adjusted immediately so that he was hugging her rather than kissing her. She was shaking now and had no idea why. His arms were strong and tight.
“You okay?” Carter asked against her ear.
“Yeah,” she lied. She pulled away and gave a breathy laugh she hoped was convincing. “Just forgotten what a good kisser you are.”
The tension in Carter’s body didn’t relax, and his eyes never stopped searching her face, like he was trying to read her mind. But the kiss must have relieved Lincoln’s concerns. He and Summer were both smiling as they came over to join them, and Lincoln didn’t look worried anymore.
RUTH DIDN’T HEAR FROM Carter for the next three days. Things felt off. Still tense. On Sunday, they’d decided that since Thanksgiving was Thursday and they both had a ton of work to do before then, they wouldn’t get together until the holiday, which they’d planned to spend together for appearances’ sake.
Usually that would have been fine. It wasn’t like they’d been getting together every single day. But Ruth normally heard something from Carter every day, if only just a few texts. And he didn’t contact her at all.
It was her fault. She knew it. He’d been trying to be nice and help with Kayla, and she’d pushed him away. Not because she didn’t appreciate help but because the whole situation felt messy and awkward and embarrassing.
There wasn’t anything else to do though. Carter was a good guy, but their closeness at this point was fake and temporary. If she depended on him too much, if she let him see too much of her, then she’d start to believe it was real. She would get needy. And there was no way she could do that to herself.
So she worked long hours on Monday and Tuesday, and she tried to believe it didn’t bother her that Carter hadn’t checked in at all.
On Wednesday evening at about seven, she was so tired and depressed she couldn’t work anymore. She thought about calling Carter. She had a reasonable excuse. She needed to know when she should come over the next day for Thanksgiving festivities at the Wilson house.
There would be nothing wrong with calling and asking him about it.
She didn’t though. Instead, restless and uncertain and oddly desperate, she ended up back at Milhouse.
Maybe Carter was hanging out there tonight. It would be easier to just run into him than make a call when she didn’t know if he wanted to hear from her.
The place was busier than she would have expected on a Wednesday night, but Carter wasn’t anywhere in sight. Lincoln was behind the bar, however. He smiled as she headed over.
Pouring her a glass of cabernet sauvignon without her needing to ask for it, Lincoln said, “Hey. Is Carter coming in? I thought he was still working.”
Clearly Lincoln knew more about Carter’s schedule than Ruth did. “He is. I’ve been working too. I just stopped in for a break.”
Lincoln’s mouth twisted. “Is everything all right with you two?”
“What? Of course. Why?”
“I don’t know. Just that Carter seemed... This week I thought he’d be... happier.”
Damn. This wouldn’t do at all. Lincoln was starting to worry again. Feel bad for Carter. Guilty about being happy when his brother wasn’t. And that was exactly what Carter was desperate to not have happen again.
“It’s not that,” Ruth said, thinking as quickly as she could. “We’re both just trying to get as much work done as we can before Thanksgiving so we can enjoy the holiday. That’s why we’ve been trying to stay away. We distract each other.”
Lincoln’s eyes softened. Glinted with amusement. “You distract each other, huh?”
“Yes.” Ruth felt her cheeks warming but figured that was natural. “Surely you can understand that.”
“Oh, I can definitely understand.” He twitched his eyebrows at her. “But seriously, maybe you can go see him tonight. He’s still in the office and he seems... I don’t think it’s good for him to go so long without seeing you.”