Sienna shifts in her seat, seemingly uncomfortable.
“It’s a little too much. I don’t know how to handle that.”
“Sounds to me like you do but don’t want to.”
I squint at her, considering her short but surprisingly insightful observation.
She shrugs like she would if I asked her what I should cook for dinner tonight. “I mean, is it blasphemy or something to remarry after your husband dies? My friend Kristen’s been married three times, but none of her husbands died. They just cheated, so of course, she got remarried out of spite. They all live in LA too, but it’s not like here where they run into each other every day.”
She winks at me, and I’m again reminded of what different worlds we come from. That’s partly what intrigues me about Sienna. She’s my connection to a bigger city. Once upon a time, I moved away from here because I always longed to be in a city. One that people could easily point to on a map. I wanted to see how the other half of the world lives.
After living in two cities, when it comes down to it, we’re all human—with thoughts, feelings, and trust issues—whether you’re in a small town or not.
I take one last sip of my tea and stand. “Thanks for the talk. I need to change and head into work, but I’ll see you this weekend for Jacob’s birthday party?”
“I’ll be there with one of those pointy hats on. I’ve seen on Facebook that kids enjoy Paw Patrol and the like? Your tiny human is how old now?”
“Eleven, so no Paw Patrol, please.”
“Right. Good call.” She nods, a thoughtful gleam in her eyes. “I should probably go shopping downtown for some simpler—and cheaper—clothes, though. Didn’t you say Lauren is having a sale at her boutique?”
“Yes. If I’m free, I’ll go with you.”
“Perfect. Now, text me if Doctor Hottie comes over. I need to meet him too.”
“He’ll be at the party,” I say, descending her steps.
When I reach my porch, I wave, then head inside, thinking about the Minecraft cake I ordered Jacob weeks ago, with Dax’s help. When everything was simple… but were they better?
That’s the question I can’t get out of my head. Since Mitch died, all I’ve wanted was a drama-free life, but that made me scared to get close to anyone else.
Taking deep breaths, I give myself grace like Melanie always encourages. Her dad’s a pastor and often preaches the importance of giving grace, especially to ourselves.
I send her a quick text, telling her we need to catch up soon. I miss her. Before I left Atlanta, we saw each other at least once a week, despite our busy lives. But now, we’re lucky if we ever talk over FaceTime. Life was fast in the city, but being here, unpacking, adjusting to being a single working mom, it’s made the days blend together.
Checking my watch, I rush to shower in my bathroom. My dad ended up fixing it since Dax never got around to it. Not since we got… distracted.
As I finish doing my makeup, my cheeks flush with thoughts of exactly what Dax and I did instead of fixing the showerhead.
Once I’m done, I head downtown to the Modern Family office. Stepping inside, chatter and clicking keys fill the space. I smile at a few coworkers I’ve become friendly with and settle into my cubicle, ready to edit the photos I took on my assignment yesterday. It was for a piece on high school sports, so I went with a journalist to a tennis match.
After I’ve been lost in the images of backhands and proud parents for almost an hour, Sidney strolls by my desk in her sleek pencil skirt and ruffle-sleeved top. Leaning her hip against my cubicle wall, she says, “How are you doing? Is your workload okay for now? Settling in around the office okay?”
I swivel in my chair to face her, hands clasped in my lap. “Everything’s great. Thanks again for this opportunity. And for working around my schedule with Jacob.”
“Of course.” She waves her hand, her engagement ring shining. “I know how it goes with young boys and activities and parent-teacher meetings. I don’t want to miss anything of Luke’s, so I know exactly how you feel.”
My shoulders sag, relieved that she gets it.
She points toward the door. “Let’s walk. Maybe grab a coffee?”
“Sure.” I log out of my computer and grab my purse. Slinging it over my shoulder, I follow her out of the office to the elevator.
We take it down and emerge onto Main Street, where a few cars slowly pass. The leaves have changed on the few trees along the sidewalk. The yellow and orange colors of the leaves add splashes of color to the scene, enhancing Main Street’s appeal.
“How are you being back in Sunnyville? It was quite a shock to me when I first moved back here from LA.” She chuckles. Her black hair is loose and shiny around her shoulders. She’d be the perfect candidate for shampoo commercials.
“I miss my friends in Atlanta, but it’s been peaceful here. No traffic or loud horns. We have an open backyard with rolling hills beyond that. Jacob’s enjoying it, and I’m happy to be home.” I smile wistfully as we walk next to each other.
We cross the street, reaching the Better Buzz, and she holds the door open for me. I take a deep breath as we get in line to order, the smell of coffee beans wafting around us.
“Well, it helps to have a good-looking guy like Dax around too.”
My cheeks immediately blush, and my mouth hangs open. “He and I are just friends.” I sputter on the last word, cringing. I don’t know what we are anymore. We haven’t spoken much, not since I visibly crushed his heart with only a few sentences.
I don’t know if we’re even still friends.
“Of course.” Sidney holds her hands up, her lips twitching. “Even though that’s not what’s been going around town.”
I shift, my face on fire. “What do you mean?”
“People talk, honey, but it’s nothing to get worked up about. It’s just Cathy and her blabbering mouth.” She places a sympathetic hand on my forearm. “Hell, it’s only gossip. That’s better than finding a picture of you kissing a hot guy on the front page of Sunnyville Gazette.”
“That happened to you?”
“Oh, yes. A lovely shot of Grayson tilting me backward in a—might I say—heated kiss back when he didn’t even like me.” Hands on her hips, she rolls her eyes. “Of course, he was so attracted to me but didn’t want to admit it.”
I giggle, immediately relieved.
It’s our turn to order, and once we’re done, we scoot to the side while they prepare our lattes.
“Sometimes, the stress of doing it all can be so hard,” she says. “I didn’t realize how difficult it is to be a working mom until I became one.”
“Oh, I know.”
“People don’t talk about mom guilt, but we really should. Sometimes, I wish I could bring Luke to work with me just to have that extra time with him.”
“I wish. I went to drinks a few weeks ago, but I stressed over it for hours.” I exhale.
I’m still stressing. About everything. About Dax. About hurting Jacob. Guilty about Mitch.
The guilt has been gnawing at me like a squirrel chewing on wood—it’s making me nauseous.
“I feel like I’m not enough,” I whisper. “I’m trying to be both parents for Jacob, and when I fall short, I feel like such a failure.”