Benji slowly nodded, then looked at me with concern in his eyes. “I hope you’ll be okay and that you’ll soon find your peace again.”
It was hopeless. There was nothing I could say that would make him realize that what Ezra and I had was real.
*
“I made you some pancakes with strawberries and raspberries out of our garden.” Aggie was standing on the ladder, with her head peeking up into my bedroom. I looked at the plate she held in her hand, then I nodded to let her know that I appreciated her attempt of cheering me up. It was late at night, and I still had to get over our talk with Benji this afternoon.
“Mind if I come sit with you for a while?” she asked.
I shook my head, and she climbed up to come sit next to me on the bed. She pulled the covers over her legs and placed the plate with the stack of pancakes on my lap.
“I can’t relate to what you’re going through right now, but I want you to know that you can talk to me, all right?”
I stabbed a raspberry with my fork and shrugged. “I don’t think there’s much to talk about anymore.”
She was quiet for a while, then wrapped her arm around me and pulled me to her. I leaned my head on her shoulder and closed my eyes.
“Has Ezra treated you right all this time?” she asked quietly.
I felt tears sting my eyes just hearing her say his name, and I wished there were easier things to talk about. “He was good to me. He cared, and he showed me how much he loved me every time we were together.”
Aggie knew that what Ezra and I had wasn’t forced upon me. I opened up to him willingly, wanting to get closer each damn day. “I’m sorry this had to end like this…but things happen for a reason, and I know you believe in that just as much as I do, hm?”
She was right, but I hadn’t found the reason why he was gone yet. “He said he would come back, but I’m not sure how I can live without him for that long.”
“Maybe some time apart isn’t so bad. You have plenty of time to think, to reflect on what happened and what you want to happen in the future. I’m not saying that you might change your mind about him, but it’s a possibility. I want you to be happy, Juni. If it’s Ezra who makes you feel like there’s no other person you’ll ever love, then I’m sure this time apart will pass in the blink of an eye.”
I hoped she was right. No matter how angry I was at myself, and no matter how upset he made me for leaving, I knew I would stand there on October first, waiting for him on the island.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Juno
It was the last day of June, and fifty days had passed since I last heard Ezra’s voice. I was still deeply in love with him, but being away from each other really helped me deal with all the pain he left me behind with.
Aggie was right when she said that some time apart from him might help me, and it did.
It was summer, and I had just received the results from my finals. I graduated successfully, and there was nothing holding me back from going to Lakewood College in late August. I was excited, and I tried to concentrate on getting all my stuff together that I needed.
“Juno?” Pixie’s voice surprised me, and I turned to look at her as she peeked her head through our front door. I was sitting on the couch, reading a book, not expecting her to come by.
“Mind if I come in?” she asked.
I shook my head and set the book down, then watched her walk into the living room. Pixie sat down on the other couch, and by the look on her face, I knew she was here to apologize.
“How’s your head?” she asked slowly.
“Fine.”
“How many stitches did you need?”
“Four.”
She sighed and gave me an apologetic look. “I’m really sorry for pushing you. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I guess I was just…confused.”
I studied her face. Somehow, I didn’t feel like talking about that day. It still haunted my dreams.
“I know you’re upset because he’s gone,” she said quietly. “Maybe we can talk about it. I wanna…understand what was going on between you two.”
“I fucked my teacher. I think that’s simple enough, isn’t it?” I didn’t mean to be such a bitch, but my anger was slowly rising, and I couldn’t control it.
Pixie looked at her hands and nodded. “I get it. You’re still mad at me. You have every right to be. I didn’t know what to do, Juno. I was shocked, but now I realize that I have taken something away that meant a lot to you. Please don’t shut me out. You’re still my best friend,” she said hopeful.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked away.
“If I could turn back time, I would keep your secret safe. I wouldn’t say a word.”
“A little too late for that,” I muttered, keeping my eyes on the fireplace.
“I know.” Another sigh escaped her, and she seemed to struggle to find the right words. “I’m really trying here, Juno.”
I kept quiet for a while, the moved my gaze to meet hers again. “We fell in love months ago, and I miss him,” I told her. “Getting caught was inevitable. I think I knew that, just didn’t wanna accept the truth.”
I took a deep breath, then looked down at my hands. “He’s the love of my life.”
“I really wish I reacted differently. Maybe…if I had known—”
“I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t tell anyone. I don’t think you understand how hard it was for us to keep it secret.”
“I don’t,” she replied. “But I want you to know that I support you, no matter what.”
It was too late for that as well. Ezra was gone, and I was unsure if he’d actually show up one day after my birthday.
“Is that all?” I asked. “I think I wanna be alone again.”
Pixie got up from the couch and nodded. “Call me if you ever want to hang out before college starts. I’d love to spend some time with you before I leave town.”
She wouldn’t attend Lakewood with me. Her parents decided to send her off to Florida, although she wasn’t very keen on that. But talking back to them was not an option.
I nodded, then watched her leave my house with a sad look on her face. It was hard enough to not see Ezra, but even after all Pixie has done to ruin my relationship, I couldn’t stay mad at her forever.
What would I have done if I were in her situation?
Would I be mad at her for not telling me that she was dating a man that happened to be our teacher, or would I keep it a secret if it would help her not get hurt?
Either way, I wasn’t and would never be in her shoes. Instead, I had to keep walking in my own, hoping to see the man I loved when October started.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Juno
“Did you ever try and message him?” Aggie asked. It was August, and I spent most my days sleeping in late, then I rode my bike to the port and took the ferry over to the island.
My mind drifted to Ezra while I moved the food around on my plate. “I didn’t.” I could’ve called him. Now that he wasn’t my teacher anymore, there was nothing holding us back from dating. Except me being still underage.