“You really did do a great job setting this all up,” Asher said.
“Hopefully it’s enough. I still get about three nasty reviews and a handful of emails every day about Texas. Sometimes I’m not even sure a home run here would be enough good publicity to outweigh the bad.”
Asher bumped his knee into mine with a little smile. “You’ll figure it out.”
I heard footsteps crunching up behind us in the grass. “Can I have a word alone with her?”
We all turned to see Lance standing there with his hands in his pocket. I almost laughed a little when I saw he was wearing a turtleneck. Chris and his damn comment had poisoned my mind so all I could see was a veiny, phallic turtle’s neck when I looked at Lance.
I couldn’t help still feeling a little wave of… something to see him. Lance had been a fixture in my life for so long. I’d had so many butterflies in the stomach moments around him. So many wasted dreams and hopes. Now it all felt like it was mixed together with a strange blend of nostalgia and bittersweet sadness.
My dad and Asher got up, leaving the two of us alone.
He sat beside me, leaving enough of a space between us on the bench that I could tell he was being cautious. “Hey,” he said.
“What are you doing here?” I’d made sure Lance wasn’t invited after he showed up at my apartment and stirred up the drama with Chris. Him being here was several steps too far. Chris would probably think I’d invited Lance, and then—
No. Chris wouldn’t think that. I remembered back to the times he’d had more than enough reason to assume the worst of me—like when the picture of Lance kissing me in the coffee shop surfaced. Chris had never assumed. He’d asked me, and he’d believed me.
Lance interrupted my thoughts by trying to reach out and put his hand on my knee. I flinched back. He hesitated, then pulled his hand away, nodding. “I wanted to see you. You’re my best friend. You were, at least.”
“Lance. You know how important it is for this wedding to go smoothly for me. How could you just show up here like this? Do you realize how it would look if anyone saw us even talking right now?”
His jaw flexed. “I don’t care what they think. And I could take care of you, no matter what happens here. It’s what I should’ve been doing our whole lives, and I wish I’d realized it sooner. But I’m here now.”
“And it’s not enough.” I got up, feeling a pit in my stomach. “I’m getting married today.”
Lance got up too, taking a step toward me, which I mirrored in the opposite direction. “But it’s a crock of shit, Belle. Listen to yourself. What are you thinking is going to happen? You two will just keep playing pretend forever and live happily ever after?”
“If we lived happily ever after, it wouldn’t matter whether it started out as a sham or not, would it?”
He laughed; his face wrought with disbelief. “Are you hearing yourself right now?”
“For once, yeah. Maybe I’m listening to myself. You need to go. I’m sorry you came all this way for nothing, but I have to get ready for the ceremony, and I can’t have you here.”
Lance’s hands were balled into fists. For a second, I thought he was about to reach for me. Instead, he nodded his head like he was confirming something to himself, then stalked off stiffly.
I let out a long breath when he was gone.
Why did it feel like I’d just passed through a crossroads in my life? And why was I still not sure what path I was walking?
39
Belle
The wedding was, if I said so myself, absolutely breathtaking. I guessed I should’ve thought so, considering I’d wound up making every decision from the colors of the flowers to the type of chairs guests would sit in. I could thank Mindy for that.
I’d wound up choosing a completely different dress than any of the ones I tried on for Chris. Considering it was supposed to just be pretend, I knew I was being silly, but I didn’t feel right wearing a dress he’d seen me in. Traditions still meant something to me, no matter how twisted the circumstances.
It also hadn’t felt quite right to drape myself in a designer dress worth thousands and thousands of dollars. I’d instead gone to a normal, run of the mill bridal boutique and picked out a sensible but gorgeous dress. It was traditional, poufy, and made me feel like a damn princess, just like I’d always dreamed of.
The guests—all one thousand and forty of them—were arranged on the green grass field just beyond the gardens. Behind the altar we’d had custom built by a team of carpenters, the view was an endless expanse of rolling green hills, puffy white clouds, and clear blue skies.
I was standing in the gardens where I would wait until the music started. A tall hedge blocked me from the view of the guests, and I was still flanked by my bridesmaids. After the drama in Texas, most of my friendships had been put on hold or burned up all together. It meant the only bridesmaid I’d personally chosen was Val, who was giddily bouncing on her toes beside me in a pale blue dress. Chelsea and her friend Milly rounded out the group of bridesmaids, which was mostly to keep the numbers balanced.
Chris had chosen his brother and two of his teammates as groomsmen. The three men stood a few feet away from us talking quietly about something. All three of them towered comically over us, like everything from Chris’ life, including himself, had to be super-sized.
Val squeezed my hand. “You ready?”
“That depends. Does ready feel like you’re about to throw up a little bit?”
She let out a little squee, then gripped my hands harder. “Sounds ready to me!”
I lowered my voice, leaning closer to her. “Let’s not forget this is just for show.”
“Is it?” Val asked.
I felt her question jab into me like a pinprick. Why would she ask that? She knew everything I knew about the deal and the arrangement. She was the one who had convinced me it was a good idea specifically because of the expiration date. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you both like each other. A lot. It’s obvious to anyone with functioning eyes. So why does it have to be pretend? Maybe it’s a little fast, but you guys could figure it out. I mean, what happens if two people who would otherwise be in a relationship get pushed into marriage a little fast? Do they break up because of it? No. That would be dumb. They just… ride it out.”
I shook my head. “That’s—”
The music signaling the bridesmaids and groomsmen to walk out started, and I was left with my father, who had been hanging back. He dutifully stepped up beside me and waited. “Do you think Chris would speak for me at political rallies?” he mused, almost to himself.
I slid my eyes toward him. “Dad. Seriously?”
With the hint of a smile, my dad chuckled. “That was a joke.”
Wow. Jokes from my father. He must have really been in a good mood.
And then the wedding march played.
Here I come, bitches. I smiled to myself. God, I couldn’t believe this was happening. I shook the nerves out my hands, then stepped out from the hedge with my arm hooked in my father’s.
The rest felt like it played on fast-forward. I felt thousands of faces watching me, practically glided down the aisle toward Chris, who was standing tall and proud with one of the biggest smiles I’d ever seen on his face—and that was saying something.