I took my place across from him, and it felt like everything else shrank away, like the world had suddenly condensed into a tight ball of existence where it was just me and Chris. I tried to write the sensation off by telling myself weddings were powerful things. It was built into us to put significance in this moment, to feel like our bodies were electrically charged.
Except I wasn’t sure anymore.
I wasn’t sure I didn’t want this to be more, but the idea was so embarrassingly crazy I was still afraid to take a firm hold of it and embrace it. So I let it linger there in the shadow of my thoughts where it seemed to sit poised and ready to burst into the light.
Before Chris took my hands, he discreetly made a curvy gesture in the air, eyed me up and down, then closed his eyes in mock satisfaction. He mouthed “wow,” then took my hands with a little wink.
I dipped my chin, smiling. Well, I guess that meant he liked the dress.
We reached the part where we were supposed to read our vows, and Chris pulled a crumpled, folded up piece of paper from his pocket. I noticed that it was adorably covered in scribbles, crossed out lines, and even a section where he appeared to have broken out some White-Out, then written back over it in his small, cramped handwriting.
Chris cleared his throat. “I thought about starting my vows by looking on the internet for what wedding vows are supposed to sound like. Then I realized that one, I was too lazy. Two, I figured it couldn’t be that complicated. A vow is a promise, so I just wrote down some things I wanted to promise you, Belle.”
He’d been speaking without looking at his paper, and when he said my name, I felt an unexpected rush of warmth spread through me.
Chris looked down at his paper, fidgeting a little on his feet, glancing up at me, then back at his paper. He cleared his throat again, then licked his lips. “I vow to wife you so hard that we’ll need to take you to a doctor to have your back checked out afterwards.”
I gave him a puzzled look, then he mouthed “sex” to me. I rolled my eyes, smiling as he continued.
“I vow to do all the shit husbands normally stop doing because they take their wives for granted. Like taking out the trash, and if I don’t do it, I’ll hire someone to do it, so you don’t have to.”
“So honorable,” I said quietly enough that only he could hear.
With a little smirk, he kept reading. “And I vow to leave you satisfied every single night. And by that, I mean I vow to return the favor, if you know what I mean. And well, I’m saying I’ll make sure you are—”
I knuckled him in the stomach, giving him a sharp look. “Got it, Chris. You don’t have to spell it out.”
He nodded, then looked at his list again. This time, I thought his hand started to shake a little. “And, well. None of those other vows really matter much. Not as much as this last one. Because I know I can promise to do all that other shit because I love you. And I know, uh, sometimes people act like marriage doesn’t matter. Some people even say it’s a joke or… a fantasy. But I don’t want ours to be like that. I just want you to know that this can be as real as you want it to be, Belle. Because I vow to love the shit out of you since I don’t think I really have a choice in the matter.”
I stood there feeling dumbstruck. Chris’ hands had been shaking slightly, and he folded the note back up to shove it in his pocket. He slowly brought his eyes up to meet mine.
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” I whispered.
Chris nodded.
The officiant gave me a slight nod. “If the bride would like to present her vows now.”
I felt stupid. I’d written some of my own, but they were nowhere near as earth shattering as Chris’ had been. I’d imagined his would be full of jokes and that I’d look like an idiot if I took them too seriously. “That’s okay,” I said. “He can read them later.”
There was a nervous chuckle from the audience, which I realized with a surprised jolt was still there. I’d been so absorbed in the moment that I’d forgotten we were practically on stage for the world to see.
Chris narrowed his eyes but was wearing a half smile. I had a feeling he was going to make me cough up my vows sooner, rather than later, but I could live with that.
“Then if anyone should object to this marriage, may they speak now or forever hold their peace.”
There was a brief pause, then a loud voice called out. “Belle!”
A thousand heads turned at the same moment. Lance was walking slowly down the aisle toward us, eyes pleadingly fixed on me.
“Turtleneck,” Chris hissed under his breath. Then he put his hand to his mouth, eyes going slightly wide. “I’ve kind of always dreamed someone would dramatically speak up at this part of a wedding I went to. I just never thought it’d be mine.”
“Don’t do this. You don’t have to.”
No, I didn’t have to. And Chris’ vows were still circulating in my head, helping all the doubts and fears I’d had organize themselves into something I could finally make sense of.
Two choices had been laid out for me ever since Lance came back and professed his feelings for me. Just like most things in life, there had been the easy, safe choice. That was Lance. He was a known commodity. He was successful, he’d probably settle down and give me the kind of life most women would be happy to have. We’d have a 401k, a nice house, two point five kids, and we’d go to ballet recitals. He’d kiss me on the cheek before he left for work and tell me he loved me most days.
It would be safe.
And then there was the other choice. It was the one I’d spent my whole life avoiding. The unknown commodity. The risky decision that required sacrifice to pursue. It was the one I’d spent so long ignoring that my brain hardly even saw it as a real option anymore. It was selling your business to chase your dream of living on a boat or quitting school to pursue a career as a writer. It was the wild, you’re crazy to do this, choice.
And that choice was Chris.
Lance was sticking that one last ledge out for me. I was about to step over the ledge—or maybe I already had. Lance’s offer was a handhold I could cling to for dear life. I could still change my mind and run away from all of this screaming at the top of my lungs.
But I didn’t want to.
I felt it so powerfully that it scared me. I didn’t want the safe choice. I didn’t want Lance. I didn’t want anything except to curl up in those promises Chris just made and make my new life there.
With him.
I wanted Chris, because even if it was crazy, I did love him. I loved him so much I’d been scared to admit it even to myself, because it was the kind of love that made people irrational.
“You don’t have to,” Lance said again. He was closer now and drawing about a thousand dirty looks from the audience.
“I do, because I love him,” I said. I looked Chris in the eyes. “And I want him to be my forever. My happily ever after. My—”
“Big daddy?” Chris mouthed.
I shook my head, then pulled him in for a kiss.
The officiant made a noise in his chest. “If we could present the rings!” he called out in a hurried voice.
I felt Luna shuffle between us and shove something into Chris’ hands. “Gross,” she said, then scurried off. Chris slid a ring on my finger as we kissed.