‘I don’t know how it works, do I!’ Nadia said.
‘You are being charged for this time,’ Donal the driver said, out of the open window.
25
Jamie
Can I talk to you privately? Vegetarian Pret at 10? It needs to be somewhere we won’t be overheard (and no one here’s vegetarian, right?) Jx
Laurie
Can’t believe you’ve escaped hearing about Kerry’s adventures in veganism with pulled jackfruit burritos, you lucky bastard Sure, see you there x
An otherwise boring Wednesday, the following week, and Laurie was happy to oblige. Bail application paperwork could wait. When she approached, Jamie was loitering outside in a long coat, looking as if he might pull a bunch of flowers from behind his back. But he wasn’t smiling, brow furrowed.
‘Alright?’
‘I’ve been better, to be honest,’ he said.
‘Oh?’
Jamie put a palm to his forehead.
‘Oh God, so. This is so awkward.’
‘Hah, I’ve got a pretty thick skin these days. Try me.’
‘This is something that puts you on the spot, though,’ Jamie said, hands thrust in his pockets, staring at his feet.
‘If we need to call the deal off, it’s OK, you know. I’m sure between us we can work out a decent excuse that saves both our faces.’
A thought occurred to her: has he been caught with someone else? In a way that everyone will hear about? She really didn’t fancy facing the peculiar repercussions that would involve, pretending they were polyamorous.
‘The thing is. I’ve had some bad news.’ Jamie looked at her directly. She could see the real pain and difficulty, then, and that it was nothing to do with her. Or not yet.
‘My dad called last night. He’s got cancer. Gallbladder. It’s not curable.’
Jamie’s face was stricken, his eyes flat and empty.
‘Shit, Jamie, I’m so sorry.’
He nodded and there was a moment they didn’t speak.
‘He’s got a year, maybe eighteen months … He doesn’t want chemo.’
There was an elastic band tautness to his voice that made it clear the last four words had in fact been a volatile debate, and that was the conclusion.
Laurie nodded and put her hand on Jamie’s arm. Then moved it away again.
‘It’s his sixty-fifth birthday this weekend, back home. He’s still having the party. He said: “I can use it to say goodbye to everyone now,” Jamie said, and as he said it, his voice cracked, and Laurie winced slightly for him that he was being forced to show this emotion in front of her, when he clearly didn’t want to. Jamie glanced away as he composed himself.
She patted his arm supportively again and Jamie said thickly, ‘It’s not sunk in, to be honest. I’m walking around that office in a daze.’
‘I don’t blame you.’
He cleared his throat.
‘But my best friend Hattie has helpfully told them about you …’
‘Ah.’
As with his owning a cat seeming off brand, Laurie didn’t see Jamie as a man with a female best friend, somehow; though given his popularity rankings with women versus men she guessed it made sense.
‘Yeah. I mean obviously if I throw myself round social media saying I am madly in love, I have to expect some inquiries. She wasn’t meant to tell my bloody parents. She’s shown them the pictures.’ Jamie gritted his teeth. ‘Having heard you exist, now they – my mum and dad – are guns blazing that I have to bring you to his do.’
Laurie smiled. ‘Ah …’
‘My dad’s argument was that without his diagnosis, I’d have brought you to meet them sooner or later. He wants this party to be celebratory and sociable and not at all sad, and they’re dying to meet you. He actually used those words and said “no pun”.’ Jamie tried to roll his eyes, swallowing hard with the effort of acting casual, and Laurie’s heart went out to him. ‘Honestly, I tried to argue against it, but I was floored with the news he’d given me. He even pulled “what if it’s my only chance to meet her.” What do I say to that?’
Jamie’s eyes glittered with the threat of tears, and he blinked.
There was a steadying pause.
‘You see the quandary,’ Jamie said.
‘Do you want me to go?’
‘Ah God. I’m not sure I could ask you to do that? I’m more setting out the problem. To a smart and sensitive person, who might know what to say to them.’
Laurie was touched.
‘If you want me to go, that’s cool,’ Laurie said, evenly. ‘But do you want me to? If you find this too weird then I don’t mind figuring something else out.’
Jamie raised his eyebrows, face suffused with surprise.
‘I’d love you to go, Laurie, and I’d be forever grateful. But are you sure? My parents, a whole weekend? A sixty-fifth birthday, with sausage rolls and “Come On Eileen”?’
‘I like sausage rolls and coming on Eileen,’ Laurie said, and she hadn’t meant to be bawdy but accepted Jamie’s laughter as if she had intended it.
‘This is so kind. I’d be forever in your debt, to be honest,’ Jamie said.
‘Don’t worry about it,’ Laurie said. ‘… If they’ve seen photos, they know I’m black? They’re fine with that?’
Jamie did a small double-take. ‘Yeah. They’re not racist?’
‘Sorry, not saying they are, but still worth checking. I’ve had some funny moments in job interviews and meeting friends’ parents in my time. “But your name sounds English,” and so on.’
‘God,’ Jamie said. ‘No, it’s fine. Obviously.’
Laurie nodded. He meant well, but it wasn’t an ‘obviously’: she had learned not to take acceptance for granted, but now wasn’t the time to get into that.
‘And … they’re not going to let us stay at a hotel,’ Jamie said. ‘But, what I could do is sleep on the floor? The spare room is big enough.’
Laurie hooted. ‘Oh God, I’d not thought of that! Yeah, sure.’
Jamie looked many degrees less anxious than when they’d met. ‘Thanks, Laurie. Really.’
She liked being this unflappable Laurie again. Go with the flow and handle it, Laurie. Not the stifling presence, who made life feel like a tunnel. She might have stumbled into a moment of liking herself.
‘No worries,’ Laurie adjusted her bag on her shoulder. ‘Friday to Sunday?’
‘Yeah. I’ll get the train tickets and text you the time, say seven ish, we can meet at Piccadilly?’
‘See you then. I’m going in for a coffee, want one?’
‘I’m already awash with adrenaline, going to leave the caffeine alone.’
She nodded.
‘Oh, Jamie?’
He abruptly turned on his heel. Laurie’s heart gave a little squeeze that she could see he looked less stricken, and a weight – if not the greater one – had clearly been lifted. Why had he been so worried about asking her? Perhaps he had a slightly skewed version of Laurie, as she’d had of him: angry ballbuster who in the face of his anguish, would still say aw hell no.