That was probably what Tristan thought.
Was she to blame? All she’d wanted was a kiss. She got far more than that, but this was not the outcome she had anticipated. So, what had she expected? Sidney to fall at her feet? A proposal? A stern lecture? Or stone-cold silence?
Anything was better than this. She never imagined their mistletoe encounter not to stay between them. Now everyone knew. At least, everyone who mattered to her. But what was Sidney thinking? Did he hate her? Did he feel anything for her?
She sat on the back stair, the study door visible, and folded her arms on her knees and rested her forehead there. Surprisingly, she grew sleepy, but she remained at her vigil until the door opened and Tristan stomped away, not seeing her. Sidney came next, slower, his steps measured, and he paused in the hall. Sensing her.
“You aren’t asleep?”
“Please tell me what’s happening.”
He closed the study door and came to stand beside her at the foot of the stairs. “Is there somewhere we can talk?”
“My roo—”
“Not your room.”
Cassie sighed wearily. “I dare say the family parlor.”
His lips twitched. “Lead the way.”
In the parlor, Cassie lit a lamp, and the room filled with a soft glow. Shadows filled the corners, and the floral print on the yellow-papered walls took on a strange appearance. The normal bright flowers looked dead. Cassie couldn’t recall if she’d ever been in this room this late. She took a seat on the familiar sofa, its creamy colored velvet comfortably worn and the pillows plump for hugging.
Sidney stood by the empty hearth, his gaze distant, his bottom lip growing fat.
“Why did Tristan hit you?” Cassie asked.
“He recognized you.”
She figured, but her stomach sunk with the knowledge. “How do my parents know?”
“He told them. We stayed to…mitigate talk, but it spread like wildfire. The girl with red hair. Tall. Green gown. It was enough to identify you.”
Cassie closed her eyes and hugged the pillow tighter. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?”
She opened her eyes, and he was rubbing his chin.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen like that.”
“What exactly did you intend to happen?”
“A kiss. I wanted you to kiss me and see me as a woman.”
“How could you think I don’t see you as a woman? You’re nineteen.”
“Not just as a woman, a woman you would…be romantic with.” The words sounded so stupid now.
“You wanted me to kiss you…romantically?”
“Yes.” Her cheeks burned with humiliation. “But I did not want anyone to know about it, about you and me, in case…”
“In case what?”
“In case you didn’t return my feelings. Then still…only you and I would know, and you’d leave.”
“We’re far from that simple outcome now.”
“I can tell. So, what happens now?”
“I’m leaving first thing in the morning.”
Cassie nodded, though she wanted to crumble into a pitiful pile of rejected womanhood. Her plan didn’t work. He wasn’t supposed to leave for another two weeks. She succeeded in driving him away faster.
“You father is quite inebriated now. I suspect they will inform you of everything else tomorrow.”
“Does Tristan hate us both now?”
“Your brother doesn’t hate you.”
“Do you hate me?”
He sat down on the sofa beside her. “I…hate myself more than anyone right now. I should have recognized you sooner. I should have known—I don’t know. I was incredibly callous with you.”
“You weren’t. I liked it.”
He stiffened. “Don’t say that.”
“Why not?”
“It—I—just…wait until tomorrow, and things will be clearer. There is a solution to this problem.”
“You’re leaving. Is that the solution?”
“Yes, in part. I’ll be returning. With a special license.”
Cassie couldn’t breathe. “A…a what?”
“A special license it’s a—”
“I know what it is!” She covered her mouth, and they both waited in silence, but no one came to investigate her sudden outburst.
“We have to marry. It’s the only recourse. I ruined you.”
“Hardly,” Cassie muttered. “They can’t make you do this.”
“They aren’t. I insisted. I gave my word as a gentleman. Your family has come to mean so much to me. It is the least I can do to salvage this.”
Cassie turned to him in horror, speechless, her heart crumbling. A marriage of convenience to the only man she had ever loved.
Sidney didn’t sleep what little remained of the night. At first light, he took the carriage to the village posting inn and rented a horse. Speed was his motive, but in truth, he needed the distraction. He needed the pounding and pain of a hard, long ride to drive out the madness in his mind.
He’d…touched her. She had wanted a kiss from him. And he, in a blaze of lust and yearning, had seen her standing there. How could he not have recognized her?
Or maybe he hadn’t wanted to. He didn’t understand how in an instant he’d lost his head.
But even just remembering how she’d looked, standing before the fire, her skin bathed in light, glowing like the moon. Her hair flame-red. All good sense had left him. He’d jumped willingly into the fire in her blazing blue eyes.
And all along it had been Cassie in his arms. Maybe a part of him knew, the part that struggled so long to remain quiet. To resist.
He didn’t have an answer or an adequate excuse.
He only knew that she would now become his wife.
He should be wildly relieved about that, but instead, guilt colored his every thought, weighing each breath until he could hardly breathe.
Married to Cassie. He couldn’t quite grasp it yet.
Tristan had punched him out of brotherly duty, but they both recognized that this was the only acceptable outcome. Sidney had had no defense for his actions. He had nothing to say, no reasonable excuse for how he’d come to be caught with his hand up her skirts.
All he could do was assure Tristan and his family that he’d do the right thing. But he didn’t feel right, he felt like he was sneaking treasure right under their noses. This was…exactly what he wanted.
Cassie.
His.
Forever.
He just never thought he would ever have it.
Now he did and…he was lost.
Worse still, Cassie was upset.
Her family was angry, and he had no choice but to leave. In two weeks, he’d be traveling to Star Frost, now with a wife. One who might possibly hate him. Her reaction to news of their marriage was to run off in tears, and he couldn’t follow her, give her comfort. He was the villain. He’d taken advantage of an innocent, and not just innocent, the most treasured, respected, and protected woman he’d ever known. They kept Cassie on a tight leash for a reason. She was stunning, witty, intelligent, and kind. The diamond of her family. They allowed her to deny the three proposals she received in her first season because they knew she could do much better than two wealthy Misters and a baron’s son. And she certainly deserved better than to be pawed at and ruined during a ball.