“So I turned around and said, ‘I could stop taking them now.’ I guess I expected him to backtrack. It’s one thing to say you’re looking forward to seeing your wife pregnant and another to want that to be next month. But he took the pills out of my hand and tossed them in the garbage. Then we had a quickie on the bathroom sink.”
I laughed. “Well, it would be awesome to have kids around the same age. But are you ready for that?”
She picked up an olive from the dish in the middle of the table and popped it into her mouth. “I don’t think anyone’s ever ready for kids. But yeah…I don’t really want to wait.”
I took Mia’s hands. “I love you, my crazy friend.”
“I know you want to stop talking about this. So I promise this is the last thing I’ll say today...” She squeezed my hand. “I will be here for you every step of the way. Holding your hair back through morning sickness if you have it, getting fat with you, even if I’m not pregnant, and by your side in the delivery room, if you’ll have me. There is nothing you’ll be alone for.”
I felt my eyes watering and fanned my face with my hand. “Thank you. And now let’s move on. I refuse to cry anymore.”
“You got it.” She picked up her menu and pointed to the waiter heading our way. “Do you think that’s a banana he’s carrying?”
I turned to see what the waiter had in his hands just as he arrived at the table, though I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. The only thing he had was a small pad and pencil. I ordered first and waited for Mia to order. But picking up my menu to hand it to him, I came face to face with his crotch and realized she hadn’t been talking about anything in his hands. It was in his pants.
My eyes widened, and I had to lift the menu back up to my face to hide my smile. Seriously, the man either had an erection or had to be stuffing. I cracked up and had to force it into a cough so I didn’t laugh in the waiter’s face while I handed him back the menu.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I grabbed the water off the table and brought it to my lips. “Fine. Just swallowed down the wrong pipe.”
After he left, the two of us laughed for a solid five minutes. It was the first time in almost two weeks that I’d really laughed, and it made me feel like maybe, just maybe, I could get through this on my own, if I had to.
***
The tile in my bathroom came out beautifully. I’d just finished sweeping up after the contractor left and stood admiring it. The tumbled marble that the guy in Home Depot had recommended gave off a rustic look that really went with the lake house feel I was going for.
Unfortunately, thinking of that contractor reminded me of Grant—he’d been jealous of the construction guy who was just being nice at that store. How did one go from being jealous to disappearing from someone’s life in the span of a few weeks? And don’t even get me started with the fooling around that had gone on in this room when he’d spent the day helping me.
Everything reminded me of Grant—my apartment, work, even the construction of my home. Unconsciously, I reached down and covered my belly. Realizing what I’d done, I sighed. He was everywhere, even inside me. How the hell was I supposed to escape it?
My head hurt from so much thinking, and my heart ached in my chest. I’d decided if I didn’t hear from Grant by tomorrow morning, which would be two full weeks, I was going to go see him in his office. If we weren’t going to be a couple, that was one thing, but I needed to know if he planned to be in his child’s life.
I looked around the bathroom one last time and switched off the light. I emptied the dustpan into the garbage bag in the kitchen and set the broom against the door. The last of the day’s sun streaked in through the adjoining living room windows, and I thought I might walk down to the lake to watch it set—yet another thing that reminded me of Grant, though I refused to let him take the beauty out of a sunset for me.
My land was about three blocks from the lake, but it was a straight walk down a paved road. One of the nearby lakefront parcels hadn’t been sold yet, so I sat down on the grass at the lake’s edge on that property and watched as the sky turned shades of orange.
I shut my eyes, took a few deep breaths, and wrapped my arms around my knees. I heard a jingle behind me, but was so lost in my head that I didn’t register the sound until I was nearly knocked over by a dog. The most adorable golden retriever puppy started to lick my face. It made me smile and laugh.
“Aren’t you cute. Where did you come from?”
A few seconds later, the answer came. “Down, boy!”
I froze, hearing Grant’s deep voice behind me.
I couldn’t bring myself to turn around until I felt the vibration of footsteps next to me on the ground.
“Grant?”
Just seeing his face made my heart beat wildly. I reached up to cover it and felt the thumping underneath.
“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to talk to you. I saw your car at the house, but needed a minute to clear my head.” He thumbed behind him. “So I parked here. I didn’t mean to interrupt you. When I opened my car door, he jumped over me and took off like a bandit running this way.”
“He? Meaning the dog came with you?”
He nodded. “Yeah. He’s mine.”
The dog spotted some birds a few yards away and took off chasing them.
“I better get him on his leash.”
Grant followed, managing to hook the dog’s collar as he jumped up on him. I watched, feeling so confused. He has a puppy? When did that happen?
He walked back with the dog on a long leash, and for the first time, I took in how he looked. My reaction was probably similar to Mia’s when she got a load of me the other day. Grant looked terrible—or as terrible as he possibly could, which at the moment really pissed me off because his terrible was still a shitload better than most men’s best. He had dark circles under his eyes, his hair was disheveled, clothes were a wrinkled mess, and his skin had a sallow tone to it.
My first instinct was to ask if he was okay, but then I remembered how okay I hadn’t been the last couple of weeks and how much he’d cared. So I turned back around and faced the lake.
“What do you want?” I said.
He was quiet, but I felt him standing behind me.
“Do you…mind if I sit?”
I picked a blade of grass from in front of me and threw it. “Whatever.”
Grant sat down next to me. His dog started to dig a hole a few feet away, and we both stared. I refused to look at him, even though I felt the pull I always experienced when I was near him, since right from the start.
“How are you feeling?” he asked softly.
My lips pursed together. “Alone. Scared. Disappointed. Let down.”
I felt his eyes on my face, but still didn’t turn my head.
“Ireland,” he whispered. “Look at me. Please.”
I turned with my best icy glare, but one look in his eyes and I softened. God, I’m an idiot.
“I’m so sorry.” The pain in his voice was palpable. “I’m so fucking sorry for running away.”