“He’s not my brother. He said that because he was worried they wouldn’t let him in since he’s not a family member. He’s my boyfriend.”
I looked up and over my shoulder, and the nurse smiled and nodded. “Well, now I’m really glad I didn’t ask if your brother was single for my sister. He’s very handsome.”
I laughed, and my shoulders relaxed for the first time in an hour.
We turned left down a new hallway that was empty. “I take it the pregnancy is going to be a shock for him, too.”
“He doesn’t want kids.”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, my husband wanted one or two. He wasn’t happy when I told him I was pregnant the third time. But I reminded him, I was the one who had to carry a nine-pound bowling ball while it felt like my uterus was going to fall out, and I was the one who was going to get sick for months and get up with the little monster after the delivery. Men sometimes forget that they have a hand in getting pregnant, too. You play, you pay.”
I knew that was true. Clearly I didn’t get pregnant alone. But…this was different. Grant had emotional scars. His reasoning wasn’t exactly the same as a man who didn’t want another mouth to feed or diaper to change.
“He has some very good reasons for not wanting a family. He…” I shook my head. It wasn’t my place to share the details of Grant’s personal life. “He…has reasons.”
“Let’s forget your boyfriend for a minute. How would you feel right now if the man by your side wanted a family? Would you feel differently?”
I didn’t even have to think about that. “Yes. I definitely would. Don’t get me wrong, I’d still be in shock. But I want a family someday. I didn’t think that would be nine months from now. But if the man I loved wanted children, I’d be okay with it, I think.”
We passed another nursing station, and the nurse pushing me said hello to a few people. She waited until we’d passed before resuming our conversation. “So your only real concern here is how your boyfriend is going to take the news.”
I thought about it. “Yes. I think so.”
“Do you love him?”
I took a deep breath in and exhaled. It probably should have taken me longer to answer that question, but love wasn’t something that needed to be analyzed. You either did or you didn’t. I nodded. “I do.”
“Does he love you?”
I thought back to the worry on his face in the emergency room. He’d seemed truly terrified that I might be hurt. The way he’d looked at me lately had changed, too. I’d find him watching me with a smile when he didn’t think I was paying attention, and the other morning I woke to him watching me sleep. “Neither of us have said the words, but I think he does.”
“Obviously, under the law you have choices. But it sounds like you want a family and you love the baby’s father. I know I’m oversimplifying things, but it seems to me like there’s only one choice in this matter, and it’s your boyfriend’s—whether or not he wants to be with you and your baby more than he wants to be alone.”
***
I stared out the window from my uncomfortable hospital bed, watching the sun come up. I’d barely slept last night. The x-ray showed I had a clean fracture, which meant no resetting of bones or surgery, and they’d come to cast my arm shortly after midnight. Grant had stayed by my side until I practically pushed him out the door. If he’d had his way, he would have slept in the chair and stayed all night. But with so much to think about, I couldn’t quiet my mind enough to fall asleep even after he was gone. I dozed off and on, mostly.
Mia was an early riser, so I thought about calling her. But it didn’t feel right to tell her about the pregnancy before I’d told Grant, even though she was my best friend.
Grant knocked on my hospital room door at seven a.m. He had two cups of coffee and was dressed casually.
He set the coffee down on the portable food tray and leaned down to kiss my forehead. “Morning. How’s my girl?”
My heart squeezed, and I had to force a smile. “Good. Tired.”
“Did you sleep at all?”
“Not much.”
“That’s understandable. Between the accident and being in this place…then the cast. You’ll get some sleep when we get you home.”
“The day nurse came by a little while ago and said it would probably be a few hours before my discharge was ready.”
Grant took one of the coffees, peeled back the tab to open it, and handed it to me.
Without thinking, I brought it to my lips and almost drank. But caffeine. I shouldn’t have that. Setting the coffee back on the tray, I said, “I think I’m going to skip coffee this morning. I don’t want the caffeine keeping me awake later.”
Great. Now I’m a liar and an information withholder.
“Good idea. I picked up some plastic cast shields in the pharmacy downstairs. Doc said you shouldn’t get it wet, and I figured you’d want to take a shower when you got home. Maybe a nice hot bath.”
“Thank you. That does sound good.” Though…oh my God. Could I even take a bath? I honestly knew nothing about pregnancies or babies. And the thought of doing this alone made me feel like I might break out in hives. I scratched my face.
“I spoke to my sister on the ride over and mentioned what happened. She said no problem covering you for however long you need.”
I forced a smile. “That’s sweet. But I definitely will be back at work tomorrow. It’s just a broken bone and a small cut.” And a pregnancy.
Grant frowned. “You should take it easy. You were banged up pretty good. You’re going to be achy, if you’re not already. They need to give you muscle relaxers or something for pain.”
Yet another thing I can’t do. So I simply nodded.
For the next few hours, Grant sat by my side. I was definitely quieter than usual, and he asked me on more than one occasion if I was in any pain and if everything was okay. I explained my mental absence as exhaustion, which at least wasn’t fully a lie.
After I was discharged, they made me sit in a wheelchair while Grant pulled the car around out front to pick me up. He got out and helped me into the car, even though I told him I was fine. I got the feeling nothing I could say was going to convince him to stop mollycoddling me.
Well, there was one thing that would probably make him run far the hell away.
We drove to my apartment, and I took a shower and went to lie down. Grant drew the blinds and turned off all the lights so it was practically pitch dark in my bedroom. He stripped down to his underwear and wrapped himself around my body, spooning me from behind.
The room was so quiet, and I thought the intimate moment might be the perfect time to tell him, but I truly was exhausted. It was a conversation I knew I’d need energy for. So I pushed it off, yet again, vowing to tell him when I woke up later.
While I was lost in thought, apparently Grant was, too. He kissed my shoulder and whispered, “I don’t know what I would’ve done if something had happened to you. I realized last night, I can’t imagine my life without you anymore.”
For some reason, that made me so sad. My eyes welled with tears, and they started to spill over. But I couldn’t explain anything to him while I was crying, so I cried in silence, and let him think I’d fallen asleep.