I have no idea what to say to that.
Society sucks…sometimes people don’t always get it right.
Being bigger doesn’t always mean you’re unhealthy and being smaller isn’t a guarantee that you are.
But I can’t fix society.
I can’t take away all the shitty things people have said to her over the years that made her feel less than perfect.
I can’t make her see herself the way I see her.
The way I’ve always seen her…way before she dropped the weight.
It’s all beyond my control.
The only thing I can do is love her.
In whatever form she comes in.
I wrap my arms around her. “Tell me how to fix this.”
“You can’t,” she chokes out, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I just wanted my boyfriend to tell me I looked pretty so we could go have fun at the party. I wanted to be a normal girl for one night.”
Sawyer is anything but a normal girl…and that’s exactly what I love about her.
But I want her to have this.
Because I want to make her happy.
Tipping her chin, I wipe the mascara streaks away with my thumbs. “You look beautiful, Bible Thumper.” Leaning in, I give her a kiss. “Let’s go have fun at the party.”
That sparkle is back in her eyes again when she looks up at me. “You mean it?”
“Yeah.”
She’s getting into the car when it catches my eye.
The designer purse I got her for her birthday.
The one she swore wasn’t her.
Chapter 86
Sawyer
“Why aren’t you eating?” Dylan questions. “I got your favorite.”
Revulsion spears me as I stare down at the plate of cheese fries.
Despite the grumbling in my stomach, I know better.
One bite will destroy everything.
Fortunately, I popped five Adderall a little while ago so it’s just mental hunger I’m battling.
I push them away, getting rid of the temptation. “I ate before I left the house.”
Dylan looks at me warily. “Why? You knew we were having a junk food and movie marathon tonight.”
I can’t stand the way she’s drilling me. “Why does it always have to be junk food?” She starts to speak, but I don’t let her. “Not everyone is naturally skinny like you. Would you bring cigarettes to a patient with lung cancer?”
She looks insulted. “Of course not. But Sawyer you’re not…you never were…you know.”
White hot rage surges through my blood. For as long as I’ve known her, she’s tiptoed around that word like it was a nuclear missile.
“For fuck’s sake, just say the word, Dylan. Fat.” I stand up. “F-A-T. Not curvy. Not chubby. Not big boned. Not pudgy. Fat.”
A crease forms between her brows. “That word has never crossed my mind when it comes to you. Ever.”
Jesus. It’s like she wants a prize for never calling the fat girl fat.
“Congrats, do you want a fucking medal?”
She slams down her drink. “What the fuck is your problem?”
A rush of emotion catches me by the throat. We’ve never gotten into a fight before. “Nothing—everything.”
“Talk to me.” She exhales sharply. “Because the way you’ve been acting lately is…”
“Is what?”
“I’m worried, Sawyer. Really worried. Between losing all this weight—”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“What?”
“You’re a size two, Dylan. I’m literally two sizes bigger than you, so stop acting like I’m some anorexic who’s in danger of starving herself.”
“You might not be an anorexic who’s starving herself, but you’re definitely not acting like yourself.”
Not her too. “God, I am getting so tired of people telling me that.”
She leans back in her seat. “Well, if so many people are telling you the same thing, you should probably think long and hard about why that might be.”
Wow. She’s supposed to be my best friend and here she is taking everyone else’s side over mine.
“Some best friend you are.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” I stand up so fast my seat goes flying back. “Then again, maybe you liked having a fat best friend.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “Wh—”
“Because that’s what pretty, skinny girls do. They get a fat best friend to make themselves look even prettier and skinnier in front of guys. God, I should have realized that was the deal after you shacked up with Jace and dropped me on my ass.”
It’s not true. But I’m hurting, and I want to make her hurt.
“Wh—that’s so ridiculous I don’t even know how to respond, you jackass.”
“Jackass? Well, I’d rather be a jackass than a user. You talked so much shit about Britney last year, but deep down you’re just like her.”
She’s not, but I’ve already started, and I can’t seem to find the stop button. I’m just so angry all the time.
It’s the kind of rage I can’t control and I don’t know where it’s coming from.
“Jesus Christ,” Dylan snaps. “What is wrong with you? Did you lose weight in your brain too?”
That does it. “No, but I bet you’d love that, wouldn’t you? That way you’d have something to complain about just like you do everything else.” I place my hand over my forehead dramatically. “Poor me, my dad’s in jail. Poor me, my cousin fucked my aunt and didn’t graduate. Poor me, my boyfriend asked me to move in with him. Poor me, college is so hard. Poor me, my boyfriend got me a car. Poor me, my best friend lost weight. Fuck you and your drama, Dylan.”
“Wow,” she seethes, standing up. “You are not the person I thought you were.”
“Ditto.”
We’re glaring at each other for the better part of a minute when Jace waltzes through the front door.
Oblivious to the tension, he strides over to the table. “Cheese fries. Sweet.”
“Have mine,” I tell him. “I was just leaving.”
“Good,” Dylan snaps. “Call me when you’re ready to apologize.”
God, she’s so arrogant. “Call me when you’re done being a stuck-up little brat.”
Mouth full of fries, Jace looks between us. “What’s happening?”
“Nothing,” we both yell at the same time.
He slowly backs away.
“Call me when you pull your head out of your ass.”
I grab my purse. “Call me when you’re done being a fake bitch.”
Her jaw drops. “Call me when you’re done channeling Bianca.”
I give her the finger as I walk to the door. “On second thought, don’t fucking call me. Ever.”
Chapter 87
Sawyer
“It was just a fight, I’m sure it will all blow over soon.”
I’m currently laying in Cole’s arms, sobbing like a baby in his bed.