“Dylan and I never fight.”
Her words. The way she looked at me like I was lower than dirt…it hurt like hell.
I just don’t understand why she—why no one—can be happy for me.
“She’s just worried about you,” he whispers.
“Why? I lost weight, Cole. I didn’t join a prostitution ring or a gang.”
He looks down at me. “It’s just...you’ve been a little on edge recently. Defensive.”
“Because everyone is on my case about my body.”
And then it happens…the tears fall faster and faster. So fast I can barely breathe.
I’m not just losing weight anymore. I’m losing everyone I love.
And I don’t understand why. Why is such a positive thing becoming negative?
Why does everyone hate me?
Why am I so angry all the time?
Why am I never good enough?
Cole rocks me in his arms. “Relax. Everything will be okay.”
“What if it’s not?”
What if Dylan and Oakley hate me forever?
What if Oakley was right about me having a problem?
I shake my head. No. It’s Adderall.
A medication prescribed to people all over the world.
And with the exception of Cole, it’s the best thing to ever happen to me.
There’s only one small problem. It might be ruining my life.
Because I can’t tell anyone about it.
Because they won’t understand why I want to keep taking it.
Because I’ll lose everyone.
You’re losing them anyway—my mind taunts.
Shifting, I wrap my arms around him. “Cole.”
The worry in his eyes takes my breath away. “Yeah?”
“Please don’t ever leave me.”
I feel so helpless and exposed, so unguarded.
He cups my cheek. “You have me. Always.”
Needing more than words, I lift his shirt over his head. “Promise?”
“Promise.”
His eyelids hood when I reach inside the waistband of his sweatpants. “Wh—”
“I want you.”
Right now, I feel like he’s the only one in the whole wide world who cares about me and I need to be close to him.
As close as I can get.
Rolling me on my back, he pulls my panties down my legs.
His head descends south, but I stop him. “No.”
Spreading my thighs as far as they’ll go, I glance up at him. “Now.”
His expression is a mixture of desire and turmoil as he lowers himself on top of me, rubbing the tip of his cock over my swollen pussy.
“Sawyer.”
It comes out like a plea as his hands slide under my ass and he propels himself inside me.
I stretch to accommodate him…like my body was molded for his.
He groans, his fingers digging into my hips as he pumps with greedy thrusts. “Fuck.”
“I need you,” I whisper, my head and mind spiraling.
I don’t feel normal lately and my life suddenly feels like it’s spinning out of control, but he’s the calm to my storm.
His green eyes swirl with unrestrained hunger as he repeats what he said before. “You have me. Always.”
Raising my hips, I meet him thrust for thrust.
I need him so bad…because it hurts so much.
I wrap my arms around his neck, clinging to him.
I need him because I love him so much…and he’s the only good thing I have left.
Chapter 88
Sawyer
Loki: I can meet you in an hour.
My thumb hovers over the keyboard of my phone as I crouch down next to the bed. I ended up asking Luis from work if he knew anyone who could get me Adderall since Oakley cut me off.
Turns out…he knew Loki and put me in contact with him.
We’re having our first meet up today.
I pop my head up over the bed and take in a still sleeping Cole.
One arm is stuffed under his pillow and the other is stretched out across my side of the mattress, like he’s reaching for me.
Sawyer: See you soon.
Making sure he’s still asleep, I fish the pill bottle out of my pocketbook.
I’ve been taking five per day—usually into two different doses—but it’s not working as well as it used to.
Given I really do have to study today, and I’ll be getting more pills from Loki, I don’t see the problem with taking a little more.
I pour the remaining five pills in my hand and pop them in my mouth.
I’m reaching for a glass of water on the nightstand when I hear, “What are you doing?”
I quickly swallow the pills. “I have a headache and remembered I had some Tylenol in my purse.”
Truth be told, I really do wish I had some because my body is sore as hell from our workout last night.
He frowns. “Maybe you have a headache because you never sleep anymore.” He pats the spot next to him. “Come back to bed.”
I’m about to make up an excuse, but I really can’t say no to him.
I crawl under the covers. “Okay, but only for a little while. I have to go home and study.”
He drapes his arm around me. “You can always study here.”
I have to suppress a laugh. Cole is the most distracting thing in the universe.
“Thanks, but that’s not gonna work out well for me.”
He looks offended. “Why?”
I run the tip of my finger down his nose. “You distract me too much.”
Dipping his head, he kisses the crook of my neck. “You distract me too…but in a good way.”
“I never said you distracted me in a bad way,” I point out.
My pulse speeds up as his fingertips trail down my stomach.
“Does it distract you when I do this?”
I bite my lip. “So much.”
My breathing accelerates as he toys with the drawstring on my sleep shorts.
“You okay?”
That’s weird. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
He studies my face. “You look a little pale.”
“That’s what happens when you have a busy schedule. You never have time for fun things like getting a tan.”
Smirking, he slips his hand inside my shorts. “How’s this for a fun thing?”
My heart does a little flip…and then a wave of nausea hits me.
“Whoa.”
“What?”
I move his hand. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t feel so hot.”
He blinks. “Feel so hot how?”
“I’m a little nauseous.”
He bolts up like he’s been singed. “Nauseous?”
Good Lord. You’d think he was the one feeling sick.
“Don’t worry. I’m sure it will pass.”
I sit up in his bed…but the room starts spinning. Or not.
His eyes cut to mine. “Do you think you might be pregnant?”
Now the room is spinning for an entirely new reason.
However, I’m ninety-nine percent sure I’m not.
“I’m on birth control, remember?”
His jaw tics. “I know. But it’s not foolproof.” He stands up, squeezing his neck. “Sawyer, I love you, but I am not ready to be a father. I’m only eighteen.”