But not nearly as much as I hate the way my heart kicks up whenever he’s in the room…
And the deep, dull ache in my chest whenever he’s gone.
Like my soul is attuned to him and only him.
“Look, I don’t think you came here to debate religion,” I say, trying to put some distance between us.
“You’re right.” Walking over to the piano, he pulls out an envelope. “I came here to give you this.”
“If it’s another present—”
“It’s not a present.” He hands it to me. “Promise.”
Baffled, I open it.
A weird combination of surprise and despondency tangle in my chest when I see the check made out for ten-grand.
“I can’t accept this.”
Not only would it feel wrong, I don’t want him to think his donation will persuade me to uphold my end of the contract.
As far as I’m concerned, our fake relationship is real over.
“I had a feeling you’d say that.” His features harden. “Take the money, Church. You earned it.”
I hold it out to him. “Hardly.”
We were barely even together.
And yet? It felt like my entire world ended the night he got drunk.
God, I loathe all these conflicting feelings I have regarding him.
One second I want to punch him, and the next I want to launch myself into his arms and go back to when things were good between us.
But mostly? I just want to know what caused the events of that night.
Why he got so blackout drunk and said all those brutal things.
How he can be so open and blunt one minute…but so closed off the next.
What he’s trying to escape from.
If he sincerely regrets hurting me…or if it’s all just another part of Lucky Seven’s act.
He crosses his arms over his chest. “I’m allowed to donate money to whatever organization I want, Sawyer. If you don’t accept it, I’ll just give it to your uncle myself.”
Stubborn ass.
“Fine,” I concede. “I’ll give it to my uncle.” Whatever gets him going. “Anything else?”
“Yeah.” A muscle in his jaw bunches. “I fucking miss you…a lot.”
“Co—”
“You don’t have to say anything back. I just wanted you to know.”
I peer at his hand. The bruises and scrapes are starting to fade. “Hopefully your hand doesn’t interfere with the big game.”
He doesn’t look too worried about it. “I’ll manage.”
We awkwardly stare at each other until I break eye contact. “Thanks for stopping by—”
“I don’t like this.”
“What?”
“The small talk that’s happening now. The awkwardness.” The groove in his forehead deepens. “It’s not us.”
I start to tell him there is no us, but the door opens and people start shuffling inside.
“Choir practice,” I tell him.
His brows furrow. “Can we talk after?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” The organ in my chest protests. Stupid traitor. “I have a lot of schoolwork to catch up on.”
He looks like he wants to argue, but he simply gives me a quick nod before taking off.
“Who was that?” Amanda asks after he leaves.
“My boy—” I stop myself. “Just a guy I go to school with.”
A guy who’s still holding my heart in the palm of his big hand.
Chapter 54
Sawyer
“God, what is taking her so long?” Caitlyn whines impatiently.
We’re all huddled up outside the girls’ locker room…waiting for the Queen to finally grace us with her presence.
Another girl—who I now know is Rene—glances at her watch. “We were supposed to be out on the field to stretch five minutes ago.”
Bianca stays silent, but I can’t help but notice the hint of a sly smirk curving her lips.
Truth be told, even I’m getting sick of waiting for Casey to get her ass in gear.
The championship game starts in twenty minutes and there’s no way Izzy is going out there all by his lonesome.
Not to mention—it’s hot as hell under this thing.
A few minutes later, Morgan ambles out of the locker room.
The expression on her face isn’t a good one. “We have a problem.”
“You think?” Caitlyn chirps. “We’ve been waiting forever.”
“Some captain she is,” Rene mutters. “Can’t even bother to be on time for the biggest game of the season.”
I swear Bianca’s smirk grows.
“It’s not her fault,” Morgan defends. Making sure no one else is around, she drops her voice to a whisper. “She can’t fit into her uniform.”
Their mouths drop open…mine too.
Bianca mock gasps. “Oh no. Gosh, you don’t say. That’s terrible.” Her mouth quirks. “Must have been something she ate.”
She exchanges a humorous glance with Caitlyn and Rene.
It goes right over Morgan’s head. “I know. I tried offering her mine since I’m bigger, but it won’t fit her either.” She shrugs. “Anyway, since I’ll be cheer captain next year, she appointed me to take over for her during today’s game.”
The three girls exchange another glance. They don’t approve.
“No,” Caitlyn says. “No offense, but you kind of suck. You can’t even do a flip.”
“Let’s face it, Morgan,” Rene scoffs. “The only reason you even made the squad in the first place is because you kiss Casey’s ass.”
“Her fat ass,” Caitlyn quips and the girls laugh.
My stomach coils. Lord knows I can’t stand Casey, but making fun of her because she gained some weight is just…wrong.
“Whatever.” Morgan places her hands on her hips. “I’m the new cheer captain now. Deal with it.”
Caitlyn’s tongue finds her cheek. “Not so fast. Last I checked, the entire squad gets to vote on the new cheer captain.”
“Are you serious right now?” Morgan snaps, straightening her spine. “Fine. Who do you think should be the new captain?” She rolls her eyes. “Oh, let me guess…you.”
Caitlyn shakes her head. “Nope.”
Morgan’s eyebrows shoot up. “Then who?”
Bianca studies her nails.
“Bianca,” Caitlyn and Rene say at the same time.
Morgan does not look happy about that one bit. “Are you fucking kidding? She’s only a sophomore. The only reason she ever made varsity to begin with is because Casey was dating Cole.”
“She’ll be a junior next year, dumbass,” Caitlyn, the bolder of the two, argues. “Plus, she’s here on time, she’s tiny and fit, she can flip, and most importantly, she’s good.”
“Really good,” Rene adds.
Holy shit.
Bianca clearly has these two wrapped around her little finger already.
Morgan looks like she wants to cry. “You can’t do this. It’s not fair.”