"I hadn't considered it," I answered, my voice quiet. "It's unexpected but not unwelcome. You know I've always wanted kids. I just wanted to do it the right way."
Mom guffawed, smacking the table with her hand. "There is no right way, Lee. Having babies is hard. It's messy and expensive." She stopped laughing then but she was still smiling when she said, "But it's worth every single bit of the hard stuff because children really are a blessing."
"You're not...upset that I got pregnant out of wedlock?" I asked.
"Good Lord, out of wedlock? What is this, the nineteenth century? Why should I be upset, Lee? You're grown. You're twenty-five years old, you have two degrees, and you have a good head on your shoulders. A darn sight better than either of your brothers had when they had their first babies. You also have your own home, no mortgage, and two jobs. There is no reason you shouldn't be able to handle having a baby on your own. Do I hope that the father won't leave you hanging? Yes. He needs to help you because that baby will belong to both of you and he needs to be there for him or her. And for you because pregnancy can be difficult." She paused. "Have you told him yet?"
I shook my head. "I just took the first test about an hour before I got here."
Her eyes welled up. "And you came straight to me?"
I sniffed again. God, I hoped that I wasn't this emotional for the rest of my pregnancy. I wouldn't be able to make it through the day.
"Yeah, you always know what to do."
She reached out and took my hand. "Well, I think you do, too, so maybe you got it from me."
I laughed a little. "I expected a lecture," I admitted. "You were always so hard on me when I was growing up, so much harder than the boys. I figured you'd be incredibly disappointed."
It was my mother's turn to gape at me. "You really think I was harder on you than your brothers? Why?"
"You were always telling me to be polite, sit still, not talk back, get good grades. The list goes on and on," I said.
Mom laughed and shook her head. "I said all those things to your brothers, too. You were the only one who actually listened."
I took a moment to adjust to that concept. It was a bit like trying to look at a picture upside down.
"Lee—"
I lifted a hand. "Give me a second here. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that you and Dad weren't actually old-fashioned about gender roles but that my brothers ignored you and I didn't."
Mom laughed and smacked the table. "Where on earth would you get that idea? Old-fashioned about gender roles? Sexist, you mean? When have I ever been subservient to your father? Or expected you to wait on your dad and brothers hand and foot?"
She had a good point there. When the boys were growing up, she was the first to tell them they could make their own plate of food, fix their own snacks, wash their own drawers, and scrub their own bathroom.
Most of the time they ignored her about scrubbing the bathroom or roped me into doing it, but they did the rest. They did their laundry once a week, usually doubling up on their dirty clothes baskets so two boys could get their washing done in one load. They made their own food when they were hungry and it wasn't mealtimes. And they handled their own mail and bills.
"Huh, I can't believe I never realized it before."
Mom sipped her tea. "A lot of times, we don't see what's right in front of our faces."
We drank our tea in silence for a while and I finally told her my biggest worry about this pregnancy.
"I don't have health insurance. I don't know how I'm going to pay for this baby."
"Dad and I will get you added back onto ours," she said simply.
I shook my head. They couldn't afford to do that. They had a high-deductible plan right now because it was all they could afford after my dad's heart attack and open-heart surgery had put them under such huge financial strain. Sure, it would make my life easier but their premiums would likely double. They were almost done paying for dad's hospital stay two years ago.
"No, I can't let you do that."
"What about through the shop? You're the assistant manager. Are they still planning to promote you to full-time with benefits?"
I nodded. "Yes, but not until the beginning of next year."
By then it would be too late, I'd be in my third trimester.
"Ask Cam if she can move it up a bit," Mom suggested. "All she can do is say no."
I nodded and drank more tea.
Mom studied me for a long moment. "What about the father? Would you consider asking him for help?"
I thought about J.J. and I knew that I wouldn't have to ask. As soon as he found out I was pregnant, he was going to insist we do something crazy. Like get married.
"I know he'll want to help. He'll probably ask me to marry him the minute he hears."
"Why do you sound so glum about that?" she asked.
Because I didn't want any man to marry me out of a sense of obligation. I wanted what my parents had—unconditional, passionate love. My brothers and I had learned long ago to wear headphones if we were staying up late to read or study because Mom and Dad had a very...active intimate life.
They also adored each other. They drove each other nuts too, but they were still best friends.
"Lee?"
"I don't want to be someone's responsibility. I want to be the love of someone's life."
"Who says you won't be the love of his life? You said that I know you don't have time to date, but what you meant was that you don't want to date. You don't want the complications or the potential heartbreak. And I understand that. Your brothers haven't exactly been the best examples. But who's to say that he wouldn't fall in love with you if you gave him half a chance?"
I stared at her, knowing she could see the hope I was feeling. Then, I shook my head.
"How could that possibly happen? Pregnancy doesn't lend itself to falling in love."
My mother scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Stop looking for excuses not to give the poor guy a chance. Though, if I were you, I'd get started on the dating/seeing if you can fall in love portion right away before your brothers find out about him and try to run him off."
My stomach clenched at her words. She was right. My brothers were insanely protective of me, which was crazy considering how they'd treated women in their teens and early twenties. Robert and Scott were still single, but my oldest brother, D.J., had been married and divorced. D.J. eventually remarried to a wonderful woman. He must have learned his lesson because they seemed to be happy, even though he could be a knot head at times, and they had two little boys together. But, God, the path to getting there had been rocky. Robert hadn't made it to the state of wedded bliss, but he had lived with the mother of his daughter for a couple of years before they'd finally had it with each other. My middle brother, Clayton, was the only one of them who'd gotten married the first time and seemed happy to stay that way.
"They'll kill him if they ever find out who he is," I murmured.
"Now, honey, you know they won't."
I took a deep breath and dove right in. "Mom, it's J.J. McClane. He's the father."