I was also mortified. Humiliated.
Not by my brothers, though God knew they had the ability to embarrass me more than even my parents. No, I'd done all that myself. I'd screamed curses at my brothers in front of my in-laws, my employers, and worst of all, J.J. I'd thrown something at Robert and basically told D.J. he was a shitty husband.
Oh, and let's not forget I'd yelled out that J.J. was the man I loved more than once. After admitting we'd had a one-night stand.
What a brilliant way to begin a family gathering to celebrate my new daughter with my husband.
I stumbled into my old bedroom and shut the door behind me. Then, I collapsed on the bed and cried.
I heard the door open and the edge of the bed depress.
"I'm sorry, Mom," I sobbed. "I'm so sorry."
"I'm sure your mom will be glad to hear that," J.J. said.
I squeaked and rolled over while simultaneously scooting toward the other side of the bed. J.J. grabbed my waist, yanking me back toward him.
"Careful, you nearly fell off," he said.
I stopped resisting then and let my body relax into the bed. I was still crying and sniffling. J.J. glanced around, spotted the box of tissues on the nightstand, and grabbed it. I took one and wiped my eyes and nose.
"I'm sorry," I said to him. "I'm so embarrassed. This is why I hate to lose my temper. I say terrible things and yell and it's horrible."
J.J. reached out, his hand pausing when I flinched away, but he brushed my hair away from my face anyway.
"It's the first time I've seen you yell like that since you were a kid," he admitted. "And I have to admit I'm going to do my level best never to piss you off that bad."
I don't know how I managed to laugh and cry at the same time, but I pulled it off somehow.
"It's not always this crazy and you know it," I mumbled.
"It's okay to get mad sometimes, Lee. And it's okay to make mistakes. Though I hope you won't be too upset if I say that I hope our daughter inherits my temperament."
I laughed again and it was a little less watery. "I hope so, too."
I covered my face with my tissue. "I can't believe I acted like that in front of Cam and Sierra. And your parents! God, what on earth are they going to think of me now?"
J.J. moved my hands away from my face so he could look at me. "My parents probably think that you're a human being, a pregnant one at that, and they'll cut you some slack. As for Cam and Sierra, I'm pretty sure the only thing they wanted during that scene was some popcorn. They've heard so many stories about the Prescott boys and their shenanigans, but they didn't know about your temper."
"Think I'll still have a job tonight?" I asked.
J.J. laughed. "Oh, yeah. They're going to keep you around just for potential entertainment value because they'll never know when you're going to blow again."
I sighed and used a fresh tissue to blow my nose. "Great, now they think I'm a ticking time bomb."
"There is something you said that we need to discuss," J.J. stated.
I froze, unable to move or breathe, because I knew what he was going to bring up. Still, I waited in silence. I'd said the words. I couldn't take them back. It wouldn't be right.
I had to accept his response and hope that it didn't crush me.
"We agreed to be more open and honest with each other, Lee," he said. "But I think we're both guilty of holding back our thoughts and feelings."
I blew out a thin stream of air. Okay, so that wasn't an outright rejection. It wasn't a declaration of reciprocal love either, but it didn't sound like he was dismissing me out of hand.
"Do you know how hard I've worked to keep from scaring you off?" he asked, his tone gentle. His fingers ran through my hair and I remained still, staring at him with wide eyes. "I was so worried that I'd slip up and tell you I loved you and that you'd do everything you could to maintain your distance that I forgot I wasn't the only one who might be feeling something."
"What are you saying?" I asked him.
It was his turn to pause and take a deep breath. "I think I've been in love with you since the moment I saw you at Cam's rehearsal dinner. I'd always liked you when we were growing up, in a friendly way because you were definitely too young for me. But when Cam hired you and I started seeing you at the shop, you were still you, but all grown up and I looked forward to the prospect of seeing you every time I came to town for lunch on Sundays. I made excuses to drop by the shop after lunch when I normally wouldn't have. Then, when Brody asked me to come work with him, it seemed like perfect timing. I was sick of my job in Dallas, sick of the constant stress and frantic pace. And I missed my family. Then, there was you. If I lived here, I could convince you to go out with me." He huffed out a laugh. "It didn't work out like that, but when I found out you were pregnant, I was glad," he admitted. His cheeks turned a dull red as he admitted it. "You wouldn't give me the time of day after the best night of my life and I was crazy in love with you but now you couldn't ignore me anymore. I know that probably makes me an asshole, but I figure it's time to put all our cards on the table."
"Y-you were happy about the baby?" I asked.
"Absolutely," he said.
Tears were still falling from my eyes and I half-wailed, "I've been so scared that you felt trapped, that you blamed me for getting pregnant, that you could never love me."
J.J. urged me into a sitting position so we were face-to-face. "And I was worried that you were feeling the same. I never wanted you to feel like you were stuck with me forever when you didn't want to be. I was worried that you'd never let your boundaries down with me, that you'd always remain distant because you didn't really care for me."
I sobbed and let my head fall onto his shoulder. "For two so-called level-headed adults, we sure made a mess of things, didn't we?"
He pulled me closer so that I was leaning into his body and his arms were around me. I returned his embrace and let myself relax against him. It was the first time I wasn't just a little on edge because I wasn't scared I'd admit that I loved him out loud.
"Where do we go from here?" I asked, my voice muffled by his shirt.
"Well, first, we go on our honeymoon when you finish the fall semester," he said, making me laugh. "Because once the baby gets here, it'll be hard to take a trip. Then, we figure out how to put an addition onto the house without ruining it and pulling it off before the baby gets here. After that, we have a baby, you finish grad school, and we talk about having another one."
"Another baby?" I asked, lifting my head. My eyes were wide as I stared at him.
"You just want one?" he asked.
I shook my head and he smiled. "I hoped you'd want at least two."
"I really want three or four," I admitted. "As much as my brothers annoy me, I love them and I want my baby to have the same thing growing up."
"We'll say three and leave our options open, how does that sound?" he asked.
I nodded and sniffed. Then, I took a second to brace myself and said, "I really do love you."
His hands came up to cup my face and his hazel eyes filled my vision. "I love you, too."