When he kissed me, I knew it was true.
20
We were still sitting on my childhood bed, kissing, when someone tapped lightly on the door.
As we pulled apart, the door opened and my mother came inside, shutting it behind her.
I wiped my face with a clean tissue and said, "I'm so sorry, Mama. I have no idea what came over me."
Her smile was serene and full of understanding. "Oh, honey, that was nothing compared to the fits I used to throw when I was pregnant. That's why your brother, D.J., made that stupid comment. Robert was trying to be funny and defuse the situation, which means he only made it worse. As usual."
I laughed a little at that because it was an accurate description of my two eldest brothers.
"If it makes you feel any better, they're both walking around here like kicked puppies and Letitia gave D.J. an earful after you did. He apologized to J.J. already and I think he's waiting until you've calmed down a little before he comes in and apologizes to you."
Her eyes took us both in. "Now, I didn't hear what was said until the very end and it's none of my business how you two got together as long as you're both happy now. Based on the fact that you were snuggled together when I came in, I'm guessing you're both happy?"
J.J. and I both nodded.
"Good. That's all that matters to me. That and my new grandbaby." She pointed at me. "That means you're staying home from work tonight and that's straight from your boss. She said that after a couple of days rest, you can come back to work on Tuesday as long as your blood pressure isn't up." When I opened my mouth to argue, my mother lifted a hand in a "stop" motion and continued. "And your father-in-law agrees with her and told me to tell you to go home, put your feet up, sleep at least eight or nine hours, and do nothing but be lazy tomorrow or he was telling Dr. Stubens that you needed to come in for a visit."
I gaped at her. "He what?"
J.J. just chuckled and I shot him a warning look.
"He's just trying to make sure you take good care of yourself, darlin'," he said.
I sighed and the fight went right out of me. After my outburst and the tears, I was actually exhausted. I probably wouldn't have been able to work tonight anyway.
"Well, the food is ready. Think you can scrounge up the energy to come into the dining room and eat?" my mother asked, raising her eyebrows.
Though she phrased it as a question, I knew that it wasn't. I was expected to pull myself together and go back downstairs and have lunch with the rest of the family, humiliation be damned.
"Let me wash my face and I'll be right down," I said.
She smiled at me and gave me a single nod. "I'll call the kids in and tell them to wash up. By the time they're done with that, you should be downstairs."
In other words, I had seven or eight minutes, tops.
"Okay, Mom."
She left the room, closing the door softly behind her.
J.J. waited a moment before he said, "If you're not up to this, we can leave. I'll carry you out if I have to."
I smiled at him, the offer making me love him even more. "It'll be okay," I said, taking a deep breath. "I'll have to face them all eventually. This way I have regret on my side, at least my brothers' regret, so they'll be much more likely to accept my apology gracefully."
J.J. shook his head. He was all too aware of how my brothers could be. "If you're okay with it, I'll stay with you the rest of the afternoon."
"Thanks." I forced myself to leave his embrace and get off the bed. I walked to the door that led to my bathroom. My dad had converted one of the linen closets into a three-quarter bath for me when I turned thirteen. I wasn't sure if it was for my privacy or if he was afraid my brothers' friends would start "accidentally" walking in on me if I used the other upstairs bath, but I'd been extremely grateful when he'd done it.
The room was tiny with only enough space for a corner shower, a minuscule pedestal sink, and a toilet, but it had been like heaven to my thirteen-year-old self. No boy funk, no pee on the toilet, and no gross stuff growing in the shower.
I washed my face with cool water and used a damp cloth to wipe away the last traces of my make-up. My eyes were still swollen and a little red, but I no longer had black smears around them.
When I emerged, J.J. was standing by the door that led into the hallway. "Ready?" he asked.
I nodded and he held out his hand. I took it, lacing our fingers together.
We went back downstairs and I heard Danny, D.J.'s oldest, ask, "Where's Auntie Lee?"
I realized that I hadn't given the kids a single thought when I'd had my tantrum and I was so glad that they had still been outside and missed it.
I knew that my brothers weren't shy about cursing in front of their kids, but I knew that my outburst would have scared them because I almost never yelled.
"She was upstairs but she'll be down in a second," my father answered.
I had no idea if he'd witnessed my tantrum but I knew he wouldn't bat an eyelash. He knew that I was harder on myself than he ever could be.
Letitia was there, herding her two boys into the powder room attached to the kitchen, but she stopped and came over to me when she saw me.
"I'm so sorry," I said before she could speak.
"It's okay, honey. It's not the first time I've seen you lose your temper since I met your brother and, knowing him, you'll do it again at some point."
"I shouldn't have brought you into it."
She gave me a tight hug. "I'm kinda glad you did because I'm going to get special treatment for at least a week or two because you made him feel bad." She laughed and released me. "So, maybe I should be thanking you."
"Thank you for not being mad at me."
"It'd take a lot more than that to make me mad at you, Lee. I mean, I put up with your brother, after all."
I had to laugh then, and she left to get her boys cleaned up before lunch.
Robert was lurking in the doorway, his hands in his pockets. His head was down but he was looking up at me from beneath his eyebrows. When Letitia left, he came over.
"I'm sorry, Lee," he said without giving me a chance to speak. "I never should have shared that information. It wasn't anyone's business, not even mine." He leaned in and gave me a hug. "I can't promise I'll never stick my nose where it doesn't belong again, but I promise I'll try not to be an asshole about it."
I didn't have the energy to give him a hard time for cursing, so I just used my free arm to hug him back. J.J. was still holding my hand and standing close to me. "I'm sorry, too, Robbie. I love you."
Robert squeezed me tighter for just a moment, released me, and held a hand out to J.J. "I apologize again, man. I've been worried about my baby sister, but it's no excuse for bringing up private business in front of everyone else."
J.J. took his hand and shook it. "I have a sister of my own, so I understand why you were worried. But I love Lee and while our marriage may not have started out the way most do, we're working it out."
Robert looked relieved at J.J.'s words. Not that he understood, but that he loved me. "Now, I won't worry as much. I always liked you, and I still do, but she's my baby sister and I'll do whatever it takes to protect her."