J.J. might not be as bad as my brothers in a lot of ways, but in others, he would be worse. Whether he intended to be or not, he was a major distraction and I couldn't afford to be distracted. When I'd paid my tuition for the fall semester, there had been a huge lump in my throat. I had enough saved up for the fall, spring, and summer sessions, but I was counting on making enough money this year to pay for the final two semesters I would need to finish my MBA.
That meant taking on extra house cleaning jobs and picking up the occasional extra shift for Cam and Sierra. Which meant I was either going to be working, studying, or sleeping every spare moment for the next two years.
"I promise I'm not very high maintenance," J.J. said.
I laughed a little. He probably wasn't. Unlike my brothers, he seemed to have grown up and become mostly an adult. He likely wouldn't expect my undivided attention and all my free time, but that didn't mean I wouldn't want to give it to him.
I could see the tactful way wasn't going to work, which meant I would have to be more blunt. J.J. had always taken my honest-to-a-fault words in stride when I was younger, I could only hope he was the same now.
"Why do you want to see me again?" I asked. I had to cut my sentence off abruptly as Steph came over to refill my tea glass.
"Hey, there, J.J. How're you doin'?" she asked him. "Can I get you something to drink?"
"Sweet tea, please, Steph."
"Want a menu?"
He eyed me for a moment. "You already eat?"
I shook my head but before I could speak, Steph answered for me. "Nope, just took her order a coupla minutes ago. If you know what you want, I can run it back right quick and Morrie will plate it up with Lee's."
Okay, so it seemed I was going to have lunch with J.J. whether I wanted to or not.
He grinned at me as if he knew my predicament. "Sure, Steph. I'll have the grilled chicken plate with baked potato and house salad, vinaigrette and potato fixin's on the side."
She winked at him. "Still on that diet, huh?"
J.J. patted his gut. "I prefer to call it a lifestyle adjustment. I'm not twenty anymore so the bacon cheeseburgers are for special occasions only."
No, he wasn't. And I had no idea why he was patting his gut because when I'd seen his naked body just a month ago. It had looked gorgeous to me.
Steph laughed at him, shaking her head. "Well, we'll have your favorite here when you're ready for cheat day," she said before walking away to get his drink.
Without hesitation, J.J. turned back toward me. "I want to see you again because I like you. I always have, but you were too young for me back then." His eyes drifted over my neck and chest briefly before they came back to my face. "But you're not too young now."
Holy hot flash.
I took a sip of my freshly filled sweet tea in hopes that it would cool me down a little and cleared my throat before I spoke. My reaction to him made me even more plain-spoken than usual. "Look, Jay. I like you, too, and I enjoyed having sex with you, but I'm working two jobs and going to grad school. When I say I won't be able to give you the time and attention you deserve, I really mean I won't be able to give you any time or attention at all. I'm working fifty hours a week, studying every spare minute I can manage, and trying to catch a decent night's sleep every night. I don't have any energy left for you. Or for anyone."
I stopped speaking when I saw the expression on J.J.'s face. It was tender but also amused. I didn't get a chance to say anything else because he reached across the table and took my hand, toying with my fingers.
I didn't jerk away, but I did remove my hand from his grip. If anyone saw us sitting here all cozy and holding hands, it would be all over town by the end of the day. And since I didn't intend to date J.J., I didn't want to deal with the gossip that would follow.
"I'm serious, Jay," I said, repeating his name for emphasis.
He leaned back in the booth and crossed his arms over his chest. "Did you know you're the only person in my life who calls me Jay? My friends and most of my family call me J.J. or Jackson."
I blinked at the abrupt change of subject. "Okay," I said slowly, unsure what this had to do with the conversation we had been having.
He chuckled. "You're wondering why I brought that up, aren't you?" he asked.
I nodded and picked up my tea for another sip.
"I brought it up because it means I know you're full of shit, Lee."
At his words, I nearly choked on the tea I was drinking. I swallowed hard and it hurt my throat like heck, but I managed not to start coughing.
"Excuse me?" I asked, lifting my eyebrows.
"You heard me," he said.
I lifted a finger and pointed at him. "First of all, do not curse at me, Jackson James McClane. I know for a fact your mama taught you better than that and you've known me long enough to know how I feel about it."
His eyes twinkled with mischief and humor, but his mouth said, "You're right, I'm sorry."
I shook my finger at him, knowing he wasn't repentant in the least, and continued, "Second, I may like you. I may think you're attractive. But I have my own life, my own goals, and most importantly, my own mind. I told you why I don't want to date you, or anyone at all, right now and your only reply is to tell me I'm full of...of...poop? I don't think so. I'm allowed to tell you I'm not interested, Jay. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but it's the truth."
I exhaled hard and lowered my hand. Thank God, I hadn't raised my voice, but I was still embarrassed by my impassioned speech.
J.J. wasn't smiling now but neither did he look angry. He actually looked a little hurt by my words. "So, it's one and done, then?" he asked, a bit stiffly.
I sighed, suddenly sad now. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and I hated that I had. I blinked rapidly because my eyes were suddenly damp.
Why was I so emotional all of a sudden?
I wrestled my tears into submission before I spoke again, J.J. watching me closely the entire time.
"If I weren't in school, I would definitely be interested," I admitted, my voice little more than a whisper. He leaned closer as I spoke. "But I'm not in a place where I can afford to be distracted. Literally. I've been saving since I graduated nearly three years ago, and I have just enough money for three semesters. I have to keep working fifty-hour weeks or more this year so I have enough money for the final two semesters before I'll be done."
"You're paying for your degree yourself?" he asked, clearly surprised.
I nodded. "I've paid for both my undergraduate degrees myself. Well, I had several scholarships for undergrad and I graduated in three years instead of four with the first, so I didn't need as much money then. But I'm paying one hundred percent of the tuition, books, and lab fees for grad school. Apparently, I work too much and make too much money to qualify for a lot of grants."
His expression shifted and, if I wasn't mistaken, it was full of respect.
"Damn, uh, wow, Lee. That's amazing. I had no idea. I guess I just figured your parents paid for it or you'd gotten loans."
I shook my head. "No, I didn't want to start my life with tens of thousands of dollars in student debt. I know that's what a lot of people do and they manage it quite well, but I knew I could do it with my undergraduate degrees and I wanted to do it with my MBA, too."