“What?”
“Yeah, she um…she kinda gave it to me after you started sleeping in here. You know, just in case,” she says, air quoting the last part.
“Oh my god,” I say laughing, part of me appalled at the fact my sister did that and part of me eternally grateful because she’s just saved me from a massive case of blue balls.
“I know,” Ruby says, now laughing. “When I tried to correct her, she then played it off like her and Reid didn’t need them because they were all serious and shit, but I didn’t buy it.”
“No,” I reply, chuckling. “I don’t either.” I pull myself up a little, so I’m hovering over her, feeling weirdly nervous about how I actually ask my next question. “So, no one serious for you?”
Ruby shakes her head. “No,” she says, hand on my jaw. “Not since my sophomore year really.” I nod, but don’t say anything. “Can I ask you something else?” she says.
I chuckle, resting my head back on her chest again. “Yes. Honestly, Ruby, you can ask me anything you want,” I tell her, meaning it.
I already want to tell her everything, every secret I’ve hidden, every bit of pain I went through these last two years. All the shit that happened that made me leave Providence. It’s weird that I feel so ready to share this stuff with her given I can’t even bring myself to tell my sister or my best friend. But I just feel so connected to her, and more than that, I trust her.
“Last Monday when you kissed me like you did?”
“Yeah?”
Her fingers brush through my hair again. “Why’d you do that?”
I smile against her skin, my eyes closing as I remember back to the moment I just said fuck it and went for it. It was dangerous and stupid and everything I shouldn’t be doing but I was tired of trying to fight it, of trying to stop myself. And fuck me if it hadn’t been everything I’d fantasized about and so much more.
“Was it just because of my professor?” she asks and I can hear the nervousness in her question.
I lift my head, my eyes finding hers. “No,” I admit. “Your professor was an excuse for doing something I’ve wanted to do since the day I met you.”
“Really?” she breathes out.
Laughing, I move closer. “Seriously?” I ask, as Ruby just shrugs. “Jesus, Ruby, that first night, when you wandered into the kitchen, still drunk and barely dressed—”
“I swear I’d forgotten you were there!” she defends.
“Oh and doesn’t that make me feel just fucking great,” I tease, kissing her to let her know I’m only playing. “Well I thought you were the hottest, most beautiful thing I had ever seen.”
Ruby groans as she holds my mouth to hers, kissing me again.
“You are so much more than that though,” I say, pulling back a little. Ruby stares back at me, her eyes wide. “You’ve seen me at my worst, Ruby,” I whisper. “You’ve seen me broken and you’ve stayed. You help me in ways I can’t even begin to describe and—”
“Caleb,” she whispers, her fingers on my lips, “you aren’t broken.”
I let out a slow breath. “I’m a mess, Ruby and you deserve so much better than me. But I’m also selfish and I can’t fight this anymore, can’t stay away, can’t not kiss you,” I tell her. “I’ve wanted to kiss you every day since I met you.”
Ruby smiles, her eyes softening. “So do it,” she says. “Kiss me every day.”
“I don’t want to ruin you,” I whisper. “Or ruin this.”
She pulls me to her, our mouths close, our lips touching. “You won’t,” she breathes out before she kisses me, her hand sliding into my hair and holding me to her.
I groan into her mouth, hoping she’s right, praying this can really be true, that I can be everything she needs and more. “Ruby,” I murmur.
I feel her mouth curve into a smile. “Kiss me, Caleb,” she whispers again, her tongue teasing me as she deepens the kiss as though to encourage me.
I pull my arms from beneath her, my hands smoothing down her sides as I pull my mouth from hers, grinning when she gives me a confused look. “I am going to kiss you,” I tell her, pressing one more kiss to her lips before I slowly kiss a path down her body.
My lips brush over her neck, feeling the hard beat of her pulse beneath them, before traveling down to her collarbone, her heart and her breasts. As I take a nipple into my mouth, she arches beneath me, her body pushing up into mine. I suck hard before releasing it, continuing my path down to her stomach, her hip and her thighs.
Nudging them apart, I press kisses up the inside of her legs as I settle myself between them. But it’s not until I put my mouth against her, against her heat and her wetness does she finally cry out.
And I can’t fight the smile as I slowly start to kiss her right there.
Chapter Twenty-One
Ruby
As much as I tried to deny my growing attraction to Caleb, I knew it was there and what happened tonight was better than I could’ve ever expected. I already felt an intense connection to him, like we were meant to meet, meant to find each other, but I had no idea taking it a step further would make our connection even stronger.
I feel it in everything in me, a low hum, my skin buzzing with the closeness of Caleb’s body and I realize now, he’s less tense. There’s a calmness to him as he lies here lazily twirling my hair around his finger with my hand resting over his heart, the steady beat tapping out a slow, relaxed rhythm.
“How are you feeling?” I ask, not wanting to disrupt our quiet, but still knowing this was a huge step for him. I realize how much this could impact everything we’ve built together so far. We’ve now changed from friends to so much more. All of this could have a positive effect on his mental health and I know that. Just our relationship alone can be powerful enough to help him work through what he’s been dealing with. Knowing he has someone unconditionally supporting him and helping him through it.
“Honestly, Ruby, had I known I would feel like this afterward, I would’ve done this weeks ago,” he responds, chuckling a little. “I feel like my old self, like all I needed was to get laid.”
As soon as the words leave his mouth, my heart freezes up in my chest. I guess I never really looked at it as just a way for him to let off steam. I’ve done it too. This wouldn’t be my first one-night stand, but with Caleb it just felt like more than that.
But as if he suddenly realizes the error of his words, the way they sound far harsher than expected, he rolls his body so he’s covering mine. The weight of him is resting on me now, his hands pinning my arms above my head as he leans down and kisses me hard.
“You know that was a joke, right?” he whispers, his lips next to my ear now. “All I needed was you. All I need is you.”
I open my mouth to speak, but he silences me with another kiss, taking the air from my lungs. He kisses me with everything I’m feeling, everything I’m thinking but can’t bring myself to say out loud. It means he’s all in and so am I.
I want to be everything he needs and everything he wants. I want to heal him and take his pain and help him become the person he once was.