I handed her the napkin.
It was a picture of a woman holding a heart like a newborn baby. A stupid scribble, but an idea in my head thanks to my surroundings.
“Are you serious?” she asked. “I can have this?”
“Sure. Why not? I would have left it on the table anyway.”
“Thanks. I guess.”
“Not a fan of art?” I asked.
The barista-slash-waitress laughed and tucked the napkin away.
Aaron suddenly appeared like a stealthy ninja.
“Thanks for bringing these,” Aaron said.
“Of course,” the barista-slash-waitress said as she started to walk away.
Aaron sat down and slipped a hand around his coffee. “You can’t help yourself, can you?”
“With what?”
“Always trying to find love in the wrong places.”
“That’s not trying to find love, brother,” I said with a grin. “You and I know that.”
Aaron laughed. “You didn’t get her name, did you?”
“Why would I? You know that’s a conversation for the next morning.”
“You talk a tough game, Josh,” he said.
“Just the truth.”
“You ever think about settling down?”
“I am settled. I’m doing what I want, when I want. Maybe not in the same way you are, but that’s what makes this friendship work. Did you want to meet me to bust my balls on my relationships?”
“No,” Aaron said. “Just wanted to see if you were excited about the show, man.”
“Excited?”
“You know what I mean. It’s awesome. You really get to do this stuff.”
“Yeah, I guess I do. Who were you talking to on the phone?”
“That was Daniel. We got outbid on a project over on the Eastside. Bullshit stuff. I’ll work it out. I always do.”
“Still such a dork,” I said.
“Hey, we did this together,” he said. “You were the hands-on guy and I was the finance guy. We had a good run.”
“You’re still having a good run,” I said.
“And you’re more than welcome back anytime. Some of these projects could use your… how do I say this nicely… your asshole attitude.”
“That was nice?”
“That was really nice,” Aaron said.
“How’s the kid?” I asked.
“Oh, check this out,” he said as he dug for his cell phone.
He was already smiling as he started to touch the screen.
I was happy for him.
He and Rae had been going through some rough stuff. Well, they were always going through rough stuff. Nothing came easy for them. The pregnancy was a surprise, but something they both wanted. They were told there was a high chance the pregnancy wouldn’t last and that’s when Aaron came to me. Crying his eyes out and brokenhearted that there was nothing he could do. It left me feeling helpless too. But Rae was a fighter and refused to listen to anyone. She was too stubborn to be with Aaron, but it somehow worked.
When she gave birth to Toby, I told Aaron he’d better marry her, and soon, because there was nobody like Rae.
Toby was about to turn two and they still weren’t married.
“Here,” Aaron said.
He spun his phone around and slid it toward me.
I laughed so loud everyone looked at me.
It was a picture of Aaron and Toby sitting at the dining room table. Toby had a giant paintbrush in his hand and looked like he had more paint on his body than the piece of paper in front of him. Toby smiled, looking like a mini Aaron, except for the eyes. They were super bright and super blue, just like Rae’s eyes.
“He wanted to be like Uncle Josh,” Aaron said.
“Cute kid,” I said. “Great picture, too.”
“Yeah, I thought you’d like that.”
The one thing about Aaron that was great was that the conversation could go anywhere, and it didn’t matter. Time moved right along when hanging out with him. And even in silence, it was perfectly okay.
That’s what made a true best friend.
When I finally stood up to pay, Aaron waved a hand.
“No way, man,” he said. “This is your big day.”
“Big day?” I asked. “Cut it out. It’s just another thing for me. That’s all.”
“Come on,” he said. “You know how cool this is. You get to hang up all your stuff and let people look, talk and buy. You get to do exactly what you’ve always wanted to do, man. Tell me you at least enjoy it.”
“Of course I enjoy it,” I said. “I just don’t let myself get too emotionally attached. Things don’t always go as planned. So at the very least, I’m going to buy you your coffee.”
I reached into my back pocket for some cash.
I felt something else there too.
Something I sometimes forgot about.
A letter I had written a while ago but never got rid of.
“You okay?” Aaron asked me.
“Yeah,” I said. I put the money on the table. “I’m good.”
I walked toward the door and saw a mother sitting at a table with a baby on her lap. Her leg bounced as the baby stared at her with a drooling, toothless grin.
I hurried down the sidewalk but made it only half a block before a hand grabbed my arm.
When I turned, I was ready to throw a punch.
But it was Aaron.
“You can’t lie to me, man,” he said.
“I’m not lying to anyone,” I said.
“You can’t still think of her. You can’t still get upset about her.”
There was one downside to having a best friend like Aaron.
He sometimes knew exactly what I was thinking and what I was going through.
I took the last drag of my cigarette as I stood on the bridge and looked down to the river. We used to dare each other to stand on the railing of the bridge. I was crazy enough to sit on the railing and drink. My feet dangling, knowing one little slip and the drop was going to suck. I wasn’t sure if the drop would kill me, but it would hurt.
Today was different.
I wasn’t at the bridge to relive stupid teenage decisions.
After I flicked my cigarette off the bridge with a final puff of smoke, I reached into my back pocket and took out the letter. I clutched it tight in my hand for a few seconds before slowly opening it.
To Delilah,
I shut my eyes and folded the paper.
It was a bad idea.
Writing the letter was a horrible idea. Writing the letter didn’t do what it was supposed to do because I never got rid of it. Writing the letter sent me into the arms of Michelle for comfort, and that had been lasting a little too long for both of our own good. Now she had my shirt and I hoped I didn’t have a dusting of her heart.
A quick flick of my wrist and the letter could fly off the bridge and down to the water. It’d be gone forever. Nobody would read the words or know what it all meant.
Instead, I put the letter into my back pocket and lit up another cigarette.
All my secrets were hidden in my art and never actually told.
Chapter 3
Break the Seal and the Secret