I stare at him for a beat, just...blinking.
“What the fuck is going on?” I suddenly demand. I sit up, and Treno mirrors me, worry etched in his features. “What am I missing here? I mean, I didn’t think I was fucking dumb, but clearly I am, because how can our gryphons be mates without us…”
I trail off and take in Treno’s encouraging look.
“No,” I state matter-of-factly and push up onto my feet.
“What do you mean no?” Treno asks, his face and tone bewildered.
“I mean, no, we can’t be mates,” I answer simply.
A flash of hurt streaks through Treno’s mismatched gaze, and then incredulity takes over.
“What are you talking about, flower, you just answered my mate call. How can you say—”
“I what!” I yelp as I round on him, cutting him off.
Shock and frustration filter into his eyes. “You answered my mate call,” he repeats like I’m simple.
I throw my hands up in exasperation. “What the fuck, Treno, I never agreed to be your mate! You never even asked me! What are you even talking about?” My voice rises higher and higher in pitch as panic takes over.
“It doesn’t work like that,” he states, irritation clear in his tone. “Our gryphons put out the call. Usually there’s a burning sensation that accompanies the partial bond that’s being formed. It can be very painful. The stronger the bond, the more it hurts. You passed out from the pain of ours,” he explains, and my stomach drops.
I stare at him horrified.
“Are you being serious right now?” he challenges, his eyes taking me in warily like this is all just a bad joke. “But you had that book about Gryphon mating,” he mumbles, almost to himself.
“What?” I ask even more confused.
“The book about The Call and Gryphon mating practices. I saw it on your table.”
“No,” I answer hollowly. “I found that with all of the census records and took it so I could give it to an Archivist.”
We both stare at each other blankly.
“I thought you knew. I mentioned you answering the call in my note...you responded to me...your gryphon responded to us…”
Reality sucker punches me like a fucking semi.
Zeph.
Ryn.
This is what they were keeping from me.
I gasp and try to shove the shock and betrayal back down my throat with my hands.
This is why Pigeon was so upset...she knew.
She. Fucking. Knew.
I fold in on myself, and Treno catches me.
I turn to Pigeon, consumed by hurt and betrayal.
“Why?” is all I can ask as everything inside of me shatters.
Our bond fractures and morphs into something painful and wrong. Everything I’ve been through since I’ve arrived, the emotions and connections I didn’t understand. The feelings inside that betrayed what was really good for me. She knew about all of it and never bothered to tell me anything.
I clutch at my stomach and wish there was a way I could rip her out of me. I feel tainted, destroyed from the inside out, and there’s no way I can purge it. Pigeon hammers me with flashes and impressions, but I lock myself away. I reinforce steel around who I am and vow that no one will ever get inside of it again.
Treno holds me, whispering reassuring things, but I’m too numb to care. How the fuck did I not see this? How did I not ask more questions? How could I just assume this world worked like my own?
Rage lights me up from the inside. I’m so fucking angry I don’t even know what to do about it. I’m gutted by Pigeon. Seething over Ryn and Zeph. Pissed at myself, and I don’t even know where to begin examining how I feel about Treno. He didn’t purposely try to deceive me, but here we are in one big giant clusterfuck anyway.
Silent tears drip down my cheeks. I look up at Treno, who looks stricken, and push out of his lap. He hurries to his feet as I rush to get dressed.
“Where are you going?” he asks, reaching for me again, but dropping his hands when I flinch away.
“Just a word of advice from one mate to another,” I snark. “Next time, spell it out as plain as day for her, okay? Double check that she knows exactly what she’s in for,” I snap as I angrily tie up my laces.
“Next time?” he reels back like I’ve slapped him. “There won’t ever be a next time, Falon. We’re it for each other,” he states, and part of me wishes that were true.
One clusterfuck might be a hell of a lot more manageable than three. But I don’t say that. I need to confirm things first before I go dropping those bombs. I need to find Ryn.
I call on my wings, and Treno finally loses his cool.
“Falon, we need to talk about this. Running isn’t going to change anything. I can tell you everything you need to know, and there’s a lot more that you need to know.”
“That’s great, but I need to go freak the fuck out in private for a while. So let’s meet up later, and you can tell me all the things, and I’ll tell you all the things, and we can go from there,” I shout over my shoulder, diving from enraged right into calm and crazy like they’re a better fit.
Treno dives for his pants when it’s clear that I’m not going to stick around. I spot more tattoos on his back and calves, but I can’t think about that right now, I need to get the fuck out of here. Pigeon surges in my chest, but I slam her back down forcefully. I leap into the air and fly as fast as I can back to the city.
Now to track down Ryn.
15
I sit cross-legged in my bed, the black bound book that Treno thought I had read now pressing down on my lap. I, of course, couldn’t find Ryn. That fucker is never around when you need him, so I went to find the next best thing I could think of...the book. Purt, thankfully, wasn’t there, and I must have been wearing a look that said if you even talk to me, I will rip you apart, because no one even tried to stop me from leaving with this book in my hands.
Since then, I’ve barricaded myself in my room...literally. The tree trunk table and gnarled tree limb and stone chairs have been pushed against the doors, not that I need them, because no one has tried to get in. I thought maybe Treno would come and insist on discussing all of the information that apparently I still need to know, but he hasn’t. I’m not sure if I’m glad or pissed about that, and the uncertainty of it all has me leaning toward a general state of I want to fuck everyone up.
I run my fingers over the words of the page I’m on and shake my head. It’s all there. The warm feeling you get when you see a mate outside of your gryphon form. Or the burning and pain you get if you come across them as a gryphon. The drive to mate and seal the bond. The whole wing thing is apparently a big sign—only a mate can force a partial shift or call one back.
The memory of my wings responding to Zeph’s and the look on his face. Ryn’s wings responding to mine. My wings mirroring Treno’s…I swipe the memories away with a growl.
Turning the page, I read on. Irrational jealousy is listed, but I never had that. Mates can apparently soothe each other’s gryphons and track each other. In some rare cases, it states, mates can feel each other’s emotions and even read each other’s minds. I wonder if that means Zeph, Ryn and Treno can feel my rage right now and that’s why everyone is staying away. Then again, we might not have that level of connection.