“If I was in Boston now, I wouldn’t find you.”
“What?”
I opened my mouth. “Nothing. It was a joke.”
“Oh, I’m a joke to you?”
“This is a joke,” I said. “Showing up like this. Getting drunk like this. The position you put Emily in.”
“Position?” Miranda asked. “Oh, are you going to tell me I can’t be friends with her? Huh?”
“No. I’m talking about everything you’ve done to her. How many times you’ve screwed her over. And then you throw her into our wedding plans…”
Miranda let out a pppssss sound and shook her head.
She wasn’t listening.
And I was defending Emily way too much.
I moved toward Miranda. “We’re out of here. We’re going home.”
“Oh, we have a home? I thought by now you would have a new place.”
I ground my teeth. “Miranda…”
“Just tell me why you didn’t come for me,” she said. “That’s what I want to know right now. You didn’t come to Boston. I sent the ring back and you still didn’t come. You left me.”
“You left me,” I said. “You went to Boston. You had every intention of…”
It wasn’t worth arguing with her.
I swallowed the rest of the words.
“I didn’t come to Boston because we were done,” I said. “We agreed upon that on the phone, Miranda. You weren’t going to come here to talk to me face to face. I wasn’t going to Boston to do it. We were both wrong for the way we handled it. But it was done. We both knew it was done. And we both know now it’s over. Look at me, Miranda…”
She looked at me.
Her eyes were in all directions.
“Miranda, it’s over,” I whispered.
“I know,” she said. “I want answers.”
“When you’re sober. Tomorrow morning. We have to leave.”
“Oh, you don’t want Emily to see us like this? Huh? Did you have fun pretending to be engaged to someone else? You know, she’s just as bad. Not even calling me. And you ran to her and told her we had broken up?”
“She was helping with the wedding plans,” I said. “Like you asked her to do. I don’t want to talk about this, Miranda.”
Miranda all but collapsed into my arms and I had to carry her out of the apartment.
After I closed the door, I looked down the hallway.
Emily was nowhere to be seen.
She was up on the roof.
And all I wanted to know is if she was crying.
Alone.
“Take me home and have your way with me, Liam,” Miranda slurred. “Do it hard… hate fuck me…”
I didn’t say a word.
Miranda needed to sleep and get sober.
Then we could finish ripping each other’s hearts apart.
I didn’t sleep.
I sat on the couch and watched the hours tick away.
My phone on the table.
A quick text sent to Emily.
Back at my place. Sorry about tonight. I love you, Em. Nothing is going to change that. I promise.
No reply from Emily.
I would never hold that against her.
I couldn’t imagine what she must have been thinking or feeling.
Getting ready to go out with me and having Mirada show up to complain about me.
I was an asshole for putting everyone in that position.
I was greedy. A greedy prick. So focused on getting Emily that I lost sight of everything else around the situation.
When I saw the first flicker of daylight, I got up off the couch and made coffee.
Then I waited.
I waited as long as I could.
Miranda could sleep for twelve hours and not think twice about it.
Especially if she had a day off and she was sleeping off a night of drinking.
I made her a cup of coffee, along with one for myself, then I went to the bedroom.
Of all the feelings to feel, it felt wrong entering the bedroom.
My own bedroom.
The one I shared with Miranda for how long?
I felt like I was doing something wrong behind Emily’s back.
The whole situation was that fucked up.
I put Miranda’s coffee down on the nightstand and watched her sleeping.
The last thing I wanted to do was give her the wrong impression.
I was fully dressed.
I poked her with my pointer finger, on her shoulder.I poked her and rocked her.
She finally groaned.
“Miranda, wake up,” I said.
She opened her eyes, then shut them.
“Did we have sex?” Miranda asked.
“All night long.”
“What?” she asked as she sat up.
“I’m kidding,” I said. “Sorry. Bad joke again.”
“Again?”
“Nothing. Do you remember last night?”
“Parts,” she said. She reached for the coffee.
In that moment she was the Miranda I first met.
I didn’t feel anything for her though.
I knew what I wanted.
“We have to do this,” I said. “Right now. This entire thing is just out of control, Miranda. I need to tell you everything.”
“I need to tell you everything,” Miranda said. “I get to talk now.”
“You did last night.”
“I’m talking again. You never came for me, Liam. You lost your chance. And that’s it. I’m moving to Boston. I have job offers waiting. I have men who look at me the way I deserved to be looked at.”
“Right,” I said. “It’s all about you.”
“Why did you even propose to me?”
“I don’t even know,” I said. “I’ve blocked that all out.”
“I want to know.”
“Can we not talk about the past right now?” I asked. “We need to talk about what’s happening at this moment.”
“Right now I’m going to have coffee, find something for my headache, and then I’m going to plan out what’s next. Alone. Without you.”
“I didn’t come after you because I didn’t want to,” I said. “I didn’t want to be with you.”
“Good to know,” she said. “I’m in bed, in the morning, sipping coffee, looking like dream sex, and you just feel nothing.”
“That’s right. And everything I said on the phone was true. And it’s true now. You’re not a good person, Miranda. I tried hard to look beyond the rough edges and flaws.”
“No, you don’t get to do that,” she said. “You’re not going to rip me apart.”
“Why not? You want to talk about the past. Let’s talk about it.”
She laughed. “There he is. There’s Liam. Passive. Blaming everyone else.”
“I’m trying to talk to you right now,” I said. “I want you to know everything.”
Miranda threw the covers off her body. “I don’t care anymore, Liam. I’m actually going to take this coffee and enjoy a hot shower. Alone. Please leave. Go to Jackson’s place. I’m sure you two have been having a great time at my expense.”
“We haven’t,” I said. “I’m trying to tell you-”