Is Brenda just faking it all for a free ride with me? She was doing it with Piston and she’s in no hurry to get back to her old life in Vegas. Does that mean she’s still hunting?
“Whatever, she’s fun and I like her,” I say. “Now quit talking trash about my lady.”
I was joking, but being serious at the same time and I know Blaze got it.
“All right, Colt. I’m just worried. You’ve made enough mistakes for this woman already. And you gotta keep your focus on this job. It ain’t gonna be easy and I have no desire to be at your memorial service any time soon, brother.”
Mitch’s death has been on all our minds, and clearly Blaze has done quite a bit of worrying.
“Or I yours,” I tell him. “When this job starts, I’ll be one-hundred percent with it, I promise you.”
“Good,” he says, and then we slip back into not talking as we watch the town.
Slowly, one by one, the houses start going dark. By four AM we might as well be staking out a real ghost town. I had planned to call Brenda once it got quiet and dark down there, but Blaze’s words sobered me up. He’s right. This job will take all the focus I can muster and more. Right now, Brenda’s soft skin, sweet, plump lips, and wicked eyes are taking up most of my mind. And that won’t do. It won’t do at all. Not when it comes time for the old kill or be killed.
And I want to live a long time yet. Not just for Brenda, for my brothers too.
Brenda
I walked less than ten minutes down the side of the dark, empty country road before I knew the truth of the receptionist lady’s words. The tall, shrubby bushes lining the road were black in the darkness, hissing and buzzing. The noise got louder the farther away from the motel and its light I got. I could smell green things, dust and asphalt cooling, but also a rot underneath and coupled with the sharp tang of rot underneath coupled with an eerie coldness the farther I walked made me turn and run back to the motel before I got anywhere near my destination.
I settled on a ramen noodle soup and a candy bar from the cafeteria for dinner, and neither of them sat well in my stomach. Images of the night I almost died under Crow’s knife flooded my mind and wouldn’t recede into the oblivion I’ve pushed them into.
I needed Colt then and I didn’t know it. I need him now and I do know it. I need him to kiss me and hold me and make love to me and let me know I’m worthy of living and loving. That I’m not just here on borrowed time, like I was with the Sinners for six months. Like I am now, after they tried to kill me.
But he’s not here, and he hasn’t called. I stayed awake until the sky outside turned a steely grey, afraid to close my eyes because every time I did the hissing of the grasses beyond the walls around the Sinners’ clubhouse filled my ears—the hissing of the grass growing on what was meant to be my grave.
I finally fell asleep at dawn, knowing that I can depend on no one but myself. I shouldn’t have forgotten that. It was so very pleasant to let go and just feel good for the last week or so. But where does that ever get me? Back to the same old place of torment and sadness and weakness I started from back when my mom started losing it and it was my job to put food on the table or else we starved.
It’s time I turned a new leaf, I think.
Waiting in beds for men to come and save me, to help me, has never worked out the way I hoped it would in the past. There’s absolutely no reason it will now. Whether Colt calls or comes to me, whether he takes me away, there is no reason to think it will all be better afterward. And there’s every reason to believe it will all be just like it’s always been. Something new and exciting, culminating in nothing.
18
Colt
The order came in a short text message in the darkest hours of the second night. Come down. Don’t be seen.
Nothing much could be seen as Blaze and I stumbled and tripped our way down the hill to the road that curves back around it to the spot where Ice dropped us off two nights ago. The bushes stubbornly growing on this hillside aren’t just thick, they’re thorny too. Some have thorns large and sharp enough to cut through jeans, I found out on more than one occasion. But lucky for us, the almost full moon was still in the sky, low by the horizon but still glowing bright enough to light our way at least a little bit.
A van was waiting for us in the darkness by the side of the road, Ice behind the wheel, Ace and Eagle already in there waiting for us. No one said anything as we climbed in the van, and slid the door shut as quietly as we could. Then we drove to pick up the other two pairs of watchers. Ice kept the lights off, and went slowly. He didn’t turn them on or speed up until we were at least four miles away from the hills, heading back to the bunker.
No one spoke.
I’m sitting beside the opening to the front cabin, watching the road ahead, my heart beating faster and faster as we approach the Lucky Star Motel. It’s so late that the streetlights are off, but the sign is shining bright, the Vacancy part flashing. In my mind, I can clearly see Brenda’s moonlit form sleeping on the bed and I want to lie down beside her so bad it’s hard to control it. I almost ask Ice to stop so I can go see her. It wouldn’t take long. Just long enough to kiss her a few times. A few thousand times wouldn’t be enough. Not with Brenda. A million wouldn’t come close.
The grip of madness that almost had me asking to stop is slow to fade as we ride on into the darkness away from the motel.
Blaze is staring at me very intently once I finally stop staring at the road ahead of us and turn back to face the others in the van. He knows what I was thinking, he always does, but luckily he doesn’t call me out on it right then and there.
Eagle is nodding off, his head hung forward, his hands locked together in his lap. Everyone else, including Blaze, is doing the same thing by the time we reach the bunker.
“Rise and shine,” Ice says as he opens the back door. “Cross wants to see you all right away.”
A part of my mind is still lying beside Brenda’s soft, moonlit body, falling asleep. Another part wants a shower and sleep in the narrow bunk I have here, and the part that’s alert enough to report to my president is very, very tiny.
As I follow the others into the brightly lit main room of the bunker, the light blinds me and sends a sharp pain across my forehead to my temples, waking me instantly. I’m even more awake after the walk to the room with the large table and photos we started this job on. It feels good to stretch my legs without worrying I’ll be seen.
The large room is even more brightly lit than the main one was. The table is completely covered by photos now, and Hawk and Cross are standing by the longer edge of it, studying the images. They look up as we enter.
At least fifty of the images are slightly fuzzy close-ups of men’s faces. A glance at them tells me they’re the guys I’ve been watching go about their business in the town for the past two days.
“We got your photos now we need your reports,” Cross says.
“How about you start, Ace,” he continues. “Did you see anyone you didn’t recognize as a Sinner?”
Ace shakes his head. “I saw all the ones I expected to see, but there were a few I’ve never seen before. I never got to meet the entire MC while I was with them. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help there. But I no one came or went through the main gate the whole time me and Eagle were watching it. We took turns sleeping to make sure. If they’re communicating with the outside, it’s by phone only.”