“I knew that,” I lied, digging in my bag for a bottle of hand sanitizer. I squeezed a liberal amount into his hands, and then stood there looking awkward while he rubbed it in.
“So you just have it all in your bag, huh?”
“Maybe.”
“You always let strangers on the street blow your nose?”
“Maybe.”
I fought the urge to smile as he laughed at our exchange. I kept thinking back to the fact that he’d called me beautiful.
He was beautiful.
Probably a fuckboy, but beautiful.
He looked too good to be worth a damn, and was dressed too nicely too.
I bet his music library is full of Drake and Future.
“So… since you’ve already shared your bodily fluids with me, you can tell me your name, right?” he asked. “And maybe more? Over dinner or something?”
I smirked. “I bet you use that line on everybody.”
“I… can’t say that I do,” he laughed, and why the hell did I look directly into the light.
Looking away, I squinted, so he couldn’t hypnotize me with that damn smile. “Mmhmm. Well, regardless… I have to turn you down. I hope the stain comes out of your coat though,” I said, stepping away from him, toward the door to get inside.
“Damn, not even your name, huh?”
“It’s Riley,” I said, taking a page out of my bestie’s book by giving a pseudonym. Hers was just the first one to come to mind.
He sucked his teeth. “No it’s not.”
“How do you know?”
“Because you don’t look like a Riley.”
I propped a hand on my hip. “And how do “Rileys” look?”
“Different than you. You look like a… Jennifer.”
Close.
“Okay,” I said, extending a hand in his direction. “Hi, I’m Jennifer.”
He laughed again, and I had the good sense to look away this time. I couldn’t keep my gaze from going back to his as he took my hand, and squeezed. “Nice to meet you, Jennifer. I’m—”
“Carlos,” I filled in for him. I’d never met a Carlos who wasn’t terrible. “Good to meet you too.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Carlos?”
I nodded. “Carlos.”
“Jennifer and Carlos…” he bit down on his lip a little, and nodded. “Gotta admit that has a little ring to it, right?”
Unable to help myself, I laughed. “No, it absolutely doesn’t.”
“Stop lying, girl,” he said, stepping in closer to me. “You know it does. Jennifer and Carlos are having a cookout. You see Carlos and Jennifer’s baby announcement? Yo, Carlos and Jennifer’s wedding was fucking lit!”
“Okay, wowww,” I shook my head. “First of all, why is the baby before the wedding, and second, are you serious right now? You’re really making “Carlos and Jennifer” a thing?”
He shrugged. “You’re standing here looking good enough to be my future, so…”
“Wow, you are really laying it on super thick right now.”
“I don’t believe in half-stepping when I see a woman I want… to know more about.”
“I’m glad you cleaned that up,” I laughed. “That was smooth, good for you.”
He smiled. “Smooth enough to get your real name, and a phone number?”
“Actually,” I smiled back. “Too smooth. Too good to be true. This handsome, with this level of charm… you’re…” A fuckboy, I thought, but didn’t say. “The type of guy I would tell my homegirls to stay away from.”
His eyebrows lifted in understanding. “Oh, I see what this is. You must think I’m a fuckboy?”
“Your words, not mine,” I shrugged. “But I bet underneath that hat, you’ve even got the haircut.”
He shook his head, and laughed. “What can I do to convince you otherwise?”
“Nothing,” I told him, finally slipping my hand away from his. “It’s pointless.”
“Spoken like a woman convinced that this is as far as this goes.”
I nodded. “Spoken like a smart man.”
He smiled. “In that case… It was a pleasure, Jennifer.”
“Likewise, Carlos.”
He opened the door to the coffeehouse for me and I stepped inside, forcing myself not to look back. Looking back was always the part that got you, and I refused to… “get got”.
Not again.
Two
January
Please, God.
I can’t die here.
That was the plea I sent up to my heavenly father, with closed eyes and my arms wrapped around my midsection, clenching my waist in an attempt to hold my insides together, probably. That probably is because I was quite certain I’d started losing brain function somewhere around hour one of my intestines trying to crawl out of my body.
This was hour two.
God… please? I promise not to text my friends pictures of Sister Lenora’s hats with porn captions, and unfollow the “wreckmyuterusplz” account on Instagram, and I will not drunk text my ex pictures of my fresh wax anymore, if you please just–
Wait…
Is it disrespectful to pray on the toilet?
“Ahhhhhhhh,” I groaned out loud, as a fresh round of discomfort rocked my lower half. This was it. This was the moment. This, right here, was where my brother August’s always-rightness kicked in.
I really was about to die because I always had my nose in my cellphone.
The offending device was slick with sweat in my clammy hands now, reminding me exactly why I was in this predicament–not paying attention, cause I was on the phone.
It had been a long ass day at the hospital, and I still needed to study, so I’d popped through the coffeehouse before going home.
While I waited in the busy coffee shop for my drink, Riley had called to talk to me about her celeb crush. When I heard “January” ring out, I was only half paying attention–I’d grabbed the cup I watched one of the baristas put down then went on about my business.
It only took one sip to know it was not a chai latte in my cup, but it was sweet and yummy, so I sipped a bit while I walked back to change it out, and then I ran into NotCarlos, and that had kinda turned my day around.
A little lactose intolerance couldn’t ruin everything for me, right?
Nah.
Wrong.
My phone chimed in my hand and I held it up, looking at the screen.
“Is your ass finished falling out of your ass yet?–Riley.”
I rolled my eyes. The text was followed up with at least thirty of the “crying laughing” emojis, but I didn’t think spending the night with my ass falling out of my ass was very funny.
Apparently, my “best” friend–and roommate - thought different.
“I feel like I deserve better than this from you Riley. Didn’t I trek to the store to bring you wipes when your kidneys were coming out of your nose cause Sergio’s mouth breathing ass took you to Discount Seafood and you got food poisoning from bad shrimp?!”
“And I got you the Cottonelle ones too bitch, with the ripples.”