‘Ooh wait,’ I say remembering the sweets I brought with me. I jog backwards a little and once again cause the security guard to take a sudden step forward. I’ve really got this man on edge. This time I wave my hand. ‘It’s OK, it’s OK,’ I say, pulling out the brown bag from my shoulder bag. ‘These are for you,’ I say to Devon. ‘You might need a snack,’ I add, with a smile, glancing down the line.
He looks up at me from under his long lashes and gives me a proper smile this time but doesn’t speak. ‘Big tree at seven. See you then.’
I nod and retreat.
I find a small area with tables and chairs and take a seat to tuck into my food and calm down. This is all new territory for me and it’s both exciting and terrifying at the same time. The salty and fluffy flavour and texture of the chips gives me pause. Devon brought me food, which was kind of him, and he smiled when I gave him sweets, so I can only hope it means he doesn’t entirely hate me and that when we meet tonight it will be a joyous occasion.
In fact, no matter Devon’s feelings for me, I feel like a new and revived version of myself and I’m determined that it will be.
23
The chatter in the convention centre is quietening down as the crowd begins emptying out, and many of the actors and artists have left their booths. I’m being weighed down by a few bags, having picked up some gifts for Hope, Jess and my dad that I simply couldn’t resist, and my brain is just a happy inspired whir of colours and comic strips as I come to a standstill at the convention doors, contemplating if I’m ready to leave yet. I spent a good amount of time in the artist quarter chatting to an incredible comic book artist about her books and work. I even picked up a few of her sketches to hang up in my lair as a small Christmas gift to myself.
A quick look at my watch and I know I must make a move if I want to be on time to meet Devon at seven, but it’s difficult to pry myself away from this sacred room that has breathed so much life and inspiration into my dreams. I’m so glad Hope had suggested I come here and that I don’t have to keep my passion a secret anymore.
I quick-march to the hotel, feeling a little more like a local, where I deposit my bags and ask the concierge for directions to the big tree. It’s now or never.
*
‘Whoa, that was awesome, Scar, you did it.’ D praises me after I hit my first ever rail slide. I swivel my cap back around, so the visor is at the front to keep the sun out of my eyes now I’ve completed my trick and give him a thumbs-up. The summer heat wave is not discouraging us today. We have a week left until we head back to school to start our last year and we are determined to master these tricks before the holiday’s up.
‘Nice moves,’ I hear from behind me. I put down my bottle of water and turn around and am greeted by Tan and his friends.
‘Thanks,’ I say, suddenly feeling self-conscious with how much I am sweating in the heat. Tan’s a regular at the park with his friends, but they’ve never talked to us before. They’re college boys.
‘What are you doing Friday night?’ he asks, taking a step closer to me. Suddenly, Devon’s arm is on my hip so fast as he steps up behind me, arm across my back. My knees unexpectedly turn to jelly.
‘Erm, I’m not sure – we usually just hang here till late,’ I stammer, but Tan’s eyes take in D and he takes a step back.
‘Is this your boyfriend?’ he asks, nodding at Devon. With D’s fingers grazing my hip bone, I’m finding it hard to form words. What’s wrong with me?
‘Yes, I am,’ D says boldly, and I actually choke on air.
‘Sorry, dude,’ Tan says. ‘See you around,’ he adds before he and his gang turn around and skate away. When they are gone, Devon casually takes his hand off me and grabs his board.
‘What was that all about, D?’ I ask, confused by what just happened.
‘They’re college boys – you don’t want to be going out with them,’ he says, walking towards the bowl. I pick up my board and follow him.
‘This coming from the person who knows so much about dating,’ I say, not sure why I’m so annoyed. If I’d known Tan was asking me out, like on a date, I wouldn’t have gone.
‘I just wanted to protect you,’ D explains, which only agitates me further.
‘So what? You’re my boyfriend now?’ I ask, shoving him in his bicep.
‘No, I uh…’ he stammers, his cheeks turning red. ‘No, not unless I don’t know. Do you want me to be?’ he asks, dropping his board to the ground, rolling it back and forth with his foot and looking anywhere but at me.
I choke on a gust of wind. ‘Uh, no, I don’t know. I don’t…’ I ramble. ‘Should we just…’
‘Race around the bowl and then grab an ice-cream?’ D offers.
‘Yeah, that,’ I reply, shaking my head and dropping into the bowl.
*
I’m just walking past the cutest cupcake shop in search of the Rockefeller tree when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I spin round to see Devon in a tailored maroon coat and a black scarf. His hair is starting to curl with the dew in the air and he looks dashing. For a moment I forget that we’re mad at each other and that I have a very heavy speech planned and embrace him with a hug. When he drapes his arms over my shoulders, I instantly relax into him and my words come pouring out.
‘Devon, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I pushed you away. I’m sorry that I never wrote to you and I am so very sorry that I never for one second thought about how much you were hurting too. It all could have been so different if I had tried, but I just gave up. I wasn’t as strong when you left. The pressure from my mum got too much and I tried to be what everyone else wanted me to be. It felt good for a while pushing comics away; it helped me forget about you. The more I missed you the more I just got mad at you for not being by my side and I started hating everything that reminded me of you.
I lost myself and if today is any indication, I’ve missed out on so much. Did you see the guy who plays Thor? D, he’s like a god, like legit he is Thor.’ I take a step back and look up so I can see Devon’s eyes. They squint a little in amusement.
‘Sorry, I know, we can talk about him later.’ I shake my head and take a big breath in, aware that my speech isn’t quite coming out in the order I had planned, and that I am just rambling.
‘I love you, Devon, I love you more than Steve Rogers and little Steve Rogers combined. I always have and always will. I love how you get me, and you challenge me while still loving all that I am, and I love how you make me want to be the me I want to be. I guess when you turned up in Springhollow I freaked out and couldn’t shake the ten years that had gone by. I built a wall and kept telling myself that you’d changed, and we couldn’t possibly know each other anymore because I wasn’t the person I was when you left. I had lost myself and you somehow flew right back in and found me, and it scared the heck out of me.’
I pause for breath as we shuffle a little closer to the window of the cupcake shop and out of the way of pedestrians. ‘Now, you don’t have to feel the same, I mean it would be nice and I’d like that, but I just want to thank you and tell you how much I adore you and think the world of you. You’re the best superhero there is and not just in the movies but in real life too and you’ll always be my favourite. I’d say you’re an even better friend to me than Cap is to Bucky.’