I stood there, stunned and completely unable to comprehend what the hell had just happened. One second, Caleb was kissing me like the ship was going down, and the next, he was storming out without so much as a backward glance.
I couldn’t help but wonder if Caleb’s force of nature had finally caught up with me. Had the lightning struck? Was the storm really gone?
It sure looked like it.
Tears started streaming down my face as the realization hit home, and the next thing I knew, I was locking myself in so that no one could find me like this, and I cried and cried. All the while wondering how I’d allowed myself to fall for a guy like that.
Chapter 17
Caleb
The L.A. shows had been killer the last couple of nights, and I was trying to catch up on sleep before we headed out on the rest of the tour. Lounging by my pool, I had a cold beer and a new album by one of my favorite lesser known bands loaded up to listen to.
It was a clear day, and I could see all the way to the ocean, the sun beating down on my skin when I moved out from underneath the umbrella I’d pulled my lounger under. I was settling in for the long haul when I heard my front door slam.
There was only one person with a key to get into my place without my opening for them.
Jared was here. Of all people.
Seconds later, he was stepping out onto the deck and sliding his sunglasses from his forehead to his eyes as he squinted into the bright sunlight outside from inside the living room.
He was smiling like a crazy person, heading right to the bar. “Few more days and we’re hitting the road for our next tour spot. Life’s good, ain’t it, little bro?”
“Don’t call me that,” I grumbled, getting up and joining him at the bar. I longingly glanced at my earphones, ready to blast some awesome music, but I knew that Jared hadn’t just dropped by. Whatever reason had brought him here, he wasn’t leaving until it’d been dealt with. Which meant my music was waiting until we were done, as was my nap.
He uncapped a beer, took a long swallow, and then turned to me. “But you are my little bro.” Jared smirked. “Why are you so grumpy? Did you miss the aforementioned bit about life being good?”
“I’m not grumpy. I just wasn’t in the mood for company. My life was good… until you got here. If you’re referring to the tour, you know how I feel about all that.”
“You telling me you weren’t amped after these last few shows? They’ve been the fucking bomb, and we haven’t even left L.A. yet. Loosen up, Caleb. Enjoy the ride a bit, you know?”
“Never said I wasn’t amped. I just still don’t get why we have to keep aiming to sell out bigger and bigger venues. Did you hear that one stadium Alicia and her team are looking at can seat over eighty thousand people? Then there’s one in Spain that can take even more than that. That’s insane.”
Dom called me earlier with the news. I’d been half convinced he was fucking with me until he’d started reading me some e-mails we’d been copied into that I’d ignored. I really had to start paying attention to this shit. If I had been, maybe I could’ve vetoed some of those venues.
I wasn’t nervous or afraid to play crowds that size. Okay, I was maybe a little nervous, but that wasn’t what my hesitation was about. Once we’d played to 80,000 or more people in one city, what the hell did we do the next time we went there? Would there even be a next time? Why would there be when every fan in the city had already seen us?
Jared pushed his sunglasses into his hair and set his beer down. “It’s not insane. Alicia knows what she’s doing. She’s looking at those sizes because that’s the demand she’s been getting for us. It’s fucking amazing, not insane.”
“And it would be colossally stupid to fucking do it,” I told him. I knew that I was being stubborn about this, and I knew how crazy people thought I was for it, but it wasn’t the kind of thing I could just let go.
Jared took a step closer to me, still smiling. I didn’t see his fist form or fly toward me until it was too late. His knuckles connected with my stomach, and I was going down, struggling to breathe but managing to curse him out all the same.
“What the fuck, Jared?”
My knees hit the deck, and I clutched at my abdomen, wondering if he’d punctured one of my lungs with one of my ribs for the burn there. “What the hell are you doing?”
He stepped back, took another sip of his beer, and pointed at me with the end of his bottle. “I owed you one for clocking me the other day. I just didn’t want to risk damaging your face since we’re officially on tour now. Besides, you’re an asshole. You deserved it.”
“What?”
“You’re a coward, brother. I’ve called you many names, and I’ve been called many names, but a coward? Didn’t figure you for that.” Jared’s eyes changed, as did his stance. He was beyond annoyed about something, pissed even.
“Yeah? And why am I a coward?” I lay flat on my back on the deck, not bothering to get up while Jared was on a rant.
“You slept with Kelly, and you’re too much of a coward to either admit it, or see it through, or both.” He said, accusation heavy in his voice. He slammed the rest of his beer back as he stared at me.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It wasn’t a move I was proud of, but pretending like he was full of shit seemed like a good idea. I’d been spending every waking minute struggling not to think about Kelly since I walked out on her a couple of nights ago, and the last thing I wanted was to start thinking about her now, with Jared looking on and reading every move like an open book.
“I know I might be many things, a dick, a jerk, a rock star, and whatever else you wanna call me, but I’m still your brother. I know you better than you think. What the fuck happened?” He glowered at me now.
“Nothing happened,” I muttered, pushing up off the hot deck and leaning on the bar counter. Fuck, my stomach hurt, and each time my lungs expanded was still painful as hell. Jared sure knew how to get his shot in.
“That’s bullshit. Something happened.” He drained his beer and uncapped another. Holding it in front of his lips, he looked me over, and I could practically see him jumping to conclusions. “You screwed something up the night of the first performance, didn’t you?”
I didn’t answer him right away. I’d been asking myself that question for days now, trying to figure out exactly what the fuck had happened and why I’d walked out. Kelly pushing me about success, about being there for me, it triggered so many old memories.
When I didn’t say anything, Jared kept going. “I know that you did. Whatever happened, you fucked up. I saw you leave with her and then come back without her. We didn’t see her for the rest of the night, but Alicia heard someone on the crew saying it looked like she’d been crying when she left out the back. Alicia’s been trying to call her since, but she’s been distant with her. She keeps insisting she’s okay, but Alicia’s sure that she’s not. All of which begs the question, what did you do, Caleb?”
Again, the same question I’d been asking myself for days. The truth was that I didn’t know what I’d done. Not really. Those things that she’d said to me were trigger points for me, all of them, yet I’d started questioning myself as soon as I walked out the door. I gave Jared the only answer I’d been able to come up with.