“Or something,” Alicia muttered, with concern clear as a bell in her blue eyes. “I know you’re really good about taking your pill, but birth control isn’t infallible. Sometimes, despite what you do or how good you are about it, it just doesn’t work.”
“Is that what you told Jared last year when Madison came out and accused him of knocking her up? Because if I remember correctly, you kept saying that you knew he always wrapped it up.” I immediately regretted my sudden flare of anger and annoyance. “I’m sorry. I have no idea where that came from.”
The worry in Alicia’s eyes doubled. “I might. I’ve heard mood swings are a terribly common symptom of—”
I smashed my hands over my ears to avoid hearing the word. It was a juvenile move, but I just wasn’t ready to hear it. My heart rate sped up all the same, and my thoughts jumbled into one, but soon, all those thoughts narrowed to one.
Practically hyperventilating by this point, I stammered, “Caleb’s going to think I lied to him. Oh god. Oh fuck. We just sorted everything out. There’s no way he’s going to believe me.”
Alicia put both hands on my shoulders and pushed down a little to calm me. “We don’t know anything for sure yet. Let’s go get a test, and we’ll take it from there. If there’s a reason to keep freaking out, we’ll do it later okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered, my mouth and throat drier than the Sahara.
“Okay,” Alicia agreed. She gave me another hug and reached for her purse, slinging it across her shoulder. “You go jump in the shower, and I’ll go buy a test.”
I stood frozen right where I was. My limbs were refusing to cooperate as my hands folded over my lower belly. Was it really possible there was someone in there?
Alicia smiled softly, understanding that despite her orders not to freak out, I still was, just internally. She gently took my hand. She led me to the bathroom, and I clung to her like she was a life raft, which her calm, logical demeanor and quiet support kind of was to me.
She flipped the tap on the shower, checked the temperature, and waited for me to get in before telling me she’d be right back and leaving. I went through the motions of showering on autopilot, completely mechanically. I washed and conditioned my hair, brushed my teeth twice right there in the shower, and lathered myself with soap until a thick layer of it covered my entire body.
Rinsing off, I stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel Alicia had placed on the basin for me around myself. I was just putting on my most comfortable track suit when the door to the suite opened and Alicia strode back in.
“Good thing there’s a drug store right downstairs. Whoever put mini-malls in hotels clearly understood the need not to have to leave when you need something urgently.” She pulled a bulging brown paper bag from her purse, along with a bottle of Vitamin Water. “You’ll need this.”
Cracking the lid, I took a tiny sip to test that the nausea wouldn’t return. When it didn’t, I took another couple of swallows. Once that was done, Alicia led me back to the bathroom and shook several packages from the bag.
“Did you buy the entire selection?” I asked when I saw the different shapes and sizes of the boxes now lying on the counter. She tore the plastic wrapping off the first one and held it out to me. “Variety is the spice of life. I didn’t know which was supposed to be the most accurate, so I figured it was better to buy as many different kinds as I could.”
“Good thinking,” I mumbled, my knees and hands trembling again. It was difficult to believe that such small packages had the power to change my entire life.
“You want me to stay, or should I wait outside?”
The thought of her leaving nearly sent me into a full frenzied panic attack. “No. Don’t go, please. I really need you here.”
“Then here’s where I’ll be.” She smiled, but it was tight and worried. Her eyes echoed the sentiment. “You ready?”
I was everything but ready. “Yeah, let me have it.”
Alicia cracked a smile as she handed me the first test. “It’s saying stuff like that that got you into this possible mess.”
Despite the circumstances, I laughed. Sobering as I took the white plastic stick from her, I took a huge breath and I held it. When I was done, I placed the test on the cabinet and held out my hand for another. While I was doing this, I was going to do it properly.
Alicia kept cracking her little jokes, trying to lighten the mood. Neither of us glanced at any of the display screens until the last test was taken.
I washed my hands and squeezed my eyes shut, opening them only when I felt Alicia’s hand on my elbow. “Should we look?”
“How long has it been?”
She turned her wrist to check her watch. “Long enough. Let’s do this.”
“Let’s,” I croaked, my heart galloping like a runaway horse on a race track. Pressing my hand to it, I realized that my breast was tender as well. Crap.
Everything in me tensed as I prepared to look at those sticks. My heart was in my throat, and it felt like there was a bubble growing behind my eyeballs, making my vision narrow and blur.
The moment of truth came, and I couldn’t look. My hands flew to my eyes, and I had to force myself to peek through my fingers. Stomach rumbling, I saw that each test had the same result. The cheap ones, the expensive ones, the pink ones, and the blue ones, they all had two lines or one plus sign. The digital one read its result in the display screen: Pregnant.
My knees buckled, and I lost track of what was happening. Arms grabbed underneath mine and held me up. I was faintly aware of Alicia’s floral perfume and knew it was her that was keeping me from hitting the floor.
I sank to the tiles, cold and hard under my butt. It was all so surreal. The word kept flashing behind my eyes. Pregnant.
I was pregnant. Emotion swirled like a thunderstorm inside me. Sudden visions of a future I’d never considered with mini versions of Caleb running around a green garden popped into my mind. But then I banished them because they were impossible.
Caleb was going to hate me for this. He was going to think that I’d lied, and he’d never speak to me again. I glanced toward Alicia, and she pulled me into her arms.
“What am I going to do?” I whispered into her hair.
She hugged me tighter, breathing as fast as I was. “We’ll figure it out. How’re you feeling, or is it still too soon to ask?”
How was I feeling? I leaned back and glanced to my stomach, my hands and arms wrapping around it of their own accord. This was a shock of a lifetime, sure. I was scared to death of how Caleb was going to react, and I knew that my life had just irrevocably changed, but somehow, there was something else too.
A flutter of something different in my heart. Happiness.
But before I could figure out exactly how I feel about it, I lifted my eyes to Alicia’s. “You can’t say a word about this. Not to anyone, not even Jared. Okay? I need to figure this out first.”
God knew I had a lot of things to figure out now.
Chapter 23
Caleb
I paced the length of my hotel room. The waiting was killing me. It’d been years, but here I was waiting for Elizabeth again. I took Kelly’s advice and called her, even set up a meeting. For my hotel room, this afternoon. Now.