I love him though.
Like I said, he’s been my rock. Steady and strong when I needed someone to hold me. To guide me. Light and full of fun and laughter when I was drowning and needed him to pull me up out of the sinking sand I was in. He’s been by my side every day. And I’ve gladly accepted it. Accepted him. I would have been a mess and lost without him for these past three years.
Even after he graduated, he drove me to and from school each day. At first, that was a touchy subject to bring up with my parents. But even Harry vouched it was a good idea and he trusted Dez.
He was there in the audience at every one of my dance recitals. He didn’t just take me to class or rehearsal; he would sit in the studio or in the auditorium while I practiced and danced. Hell, he probably knows all my choreography just as well as I do at this point.
But we never crossed the line. He never tried to step into the role of someone more than a friend. We were there for one another. Friends. But nothing more.
I love Desmond. But I love him as my best friend.
My only friend.
My heart was cracked and put in a box and packed away. Saved for someone else.
That someone is now standing in front of us looking like we just fucked in the parking lot.
Being the brat that I am and still a little mad about Sonny keeping me away, I stretch onto my tip toes and press my lips to Dez’s jaw. “Yeah, let’s get out of here.” Stepping away from him, I begin my walk to his car parked in the lot behind us. Looking back over my shoulder, a smile curves up on my lips. “Coming, boys?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I hear Dez say in a light tone as he chuckles behind me. He knows exactly the game I’m playing, and he just became a willing participant.
Sitting behind the driver’s seat of Desmond’s Escalade, I have a clear view of Sonny on the passenger side. Leaning against the door with one of my legs pulled up on the seat, I get comfortable for the two-hour drive back to the city of Las Vegas, where we all call home.
The boys up front talk business while I have my earbuds in, listening to my own music to drown them out and give them the privacy I’m sure they want. It doesn’t stop me from studying Sonny though.
I don’t miss the ways he’s changed in the last few years. His tall frame filled out with more muscles and strong arms, which felt so different and yet so the same when they were wrapped around me. He’s sporting facial hair now, shadowing his cut jaw, that was always shaved clean before.
He’s a force. A tower of strength with a hard exterior.
But I still see the same storms raging in his grey eyes.
I still see the same twitch in his lips, now more hesitant to smile freely.
I still felt his heart beat with mine when he held me in his arms with a mixture of excitement and fear.
He was a man to me before. Walking into the building that would cage him and keep him from me. He left with his head held high and ready to fight for his freedom.
But now? Now, there’s no mistaking the man who walked out. There’s no question that he fought battles to be here. There’s only proof in the hardened exterior he has in place. The hesitant leader who entered came out ready to take his place willingly at the head of the table of corruption and sin next to his father.
Do I still want to be part of that? Do I want to place my life in the hands of someone who can take it all away in the flick of his wrist? I may have known before, but now I see it all so much more clearly.
Dez’s hand flicks back behind the seat, hitting my knee, breaking me from my thoughts, from my eyes staring at Sonny. Looking up to the rearview mirror, I see Dez look at me for a second. His raised brow lets me know he wants my attention now. Reluctantly, I remove my earbuds.
“Sonny asked you a question,” he says to me in a tone that’s somewhere between joking and serious as his eyes go back to the highway.
Looking to Sonny, Dez asks, “You done burning a hole into the side of his head?” Squinting my eyes at his reflection, he just winks back at me.
Sonny brings his hand up to cover his mouth, no doubt pushing down a smile at my expense. “I was trying to give you two lovebirds time to talk about… whatever it is you talk about,” I tell them. Sitting back, I cross my arms over my chest, annoyed by already being treated like the child in the car.
“I asked if you wanted ice cream,” Sonny says, turning to look back at me, melting my icy exterior a little. “For old time’s sake.”
It’s then I see his eyes scan over me, and I wonder if it’s him seeing me older now or if it’s his judgments about my old eating habits.
Figuring it’s the latter, I lean forward. “I eat now. I don’t need you spoon-feeding me anymore. Dez’s kept me good and fed while you’ve been gone.” I see his nostrils flare, and I like that I can rile him up, so I add, “I even eat meat.”
“Oh, fuck…” I hear Dez say—not daring to look at either of us—when Sonny’s eyes cut to him, looking like he’d burn him to the ground if he could. “Chicken! She eats chicken sometimes.”
Sitting back again, I smile, watching them both squirm a little. Not able to help myself, I keep going. “But we can get some ice cream if you want. I do enjoy the taste of the sweet cream coating my tongue and sliding down my throat as I swallow it down.” Knowing they’re both watching me as I purr the words, I lick at the corner of my mouth with a chuckle.
“Pull over,” Sonny says through gritted teeth.
“What?” Dez asks like he’s crazy. Because he is…since we’re in the middle of the highway.
“Pull the fuck over,” Sonny repeats, firmer this time.
A nervous look passes from Dez to me in the mirror as he turns on his blinker and then the flashers to move to the shoulder. Putting the car in park, we sit in the silence of the SUV waiting to see what Sonny is going to do.
I figured he’d change. Counted on it actually. I never thought he’d turn violent or someone I’d be afraid of hurting me. But as I sit here waiting for the unknown from the virtual stranger in the car with us, my heart is pounding in my chest.
After what feels like hours, Sonny finally looks up. Unbuckling, he turns and climbs into the back with me. My breath hitches, and my heart begins to pound harder. “What are you doing?” The words come out sounding more scared and nervous than I want them to.
“Isn’t this what you want, Tink? You want all of my attention.” His hand goes to my bouncing knee, and my breathing picks up from the heat of his touch searing into me as it moves up my thigh. “You want to get a rise out of me, right? You want to punish me and make me pay for leaving you.” His other hand goes into my hair before sliding down to my neck. I can’t help the slow blink I give from how good it feels to be touched by him again.
“Yes,” I say in a whisper of truth as my chest continues to rise and fall rapidly.
Leaning forward, his lips go to my ear, making my eyes close. “You don’t have to try this hard, Ruby. I haven’t touched a woman in three years. You had me in the palm of your hand the second I saw you.” Biting my lips together, I hold in the moan threatening to release from me when his lips trace the shell of my ear. “You were a pretty girl before, but now… now you’re so fucking beautiful that I’m afraid of what I’ll do to my best friend if he doesn’t stop looking at you like you’re his.” Teeth bite into my earlobe, making me gasp and grip the handle on the door harder. “Now, be good. Let’s get ice cream so I can torture myself some more by watching you eat it.” Lips press to the sensitive spot behind my ear.