Please let us stay like this for a while. Please.
Ten
Gideon
Why did I hold his hand? Was it because he gave me a pastry?
All Gideon could think about was that holding hands felt right, but at the same time it could be a step too far in their business relationship. His brain went into overdrive attempting to rationalize what was happening.
It’s just a pastry.
The iced cinnamon roll was the only thing he could think about. He couldn’t actually recall the last time he’d had anything this thoughtful, be it cake, or in this case a pastry, on his birthday.
“Kaden and I just text each other on our birthdays,” Gideon heard himself say, the words pulled from deep inside him.
“June seventeenth,” Rowan said. “He’s a Gemini.”
“Do you believe in all that?”
“Not really, I mean, I’m a Virgo which allegedly makes me neat and obsessively worried over details. Outside of work, details slip because I think I don’t want to know what is coming next.”
“But you know Kaden’s birthday?” Gideon asked.
“He’s your cousin. He works for us, and I like birthdays.”
“We don’t exchange gifts.”
Rowan nodded. “You’d be all worried about getting the right one, and that concern equates to angst over missed posting dates and the appropriateness of said card. Plus, you’d stress over what you’d give him as a gift, just like you did the wedding present.”
That was so spot-on that Gideon winced. “I wouldn’t know what to get him. He was already fifteen when he turned up in my life, and I was thirty. We were at different times in our lives. Way back, I didn’t want to embarrass myself by buying something stupid for him, so I told him it was okay not to worry about birthdays.”
“What about your sister Grace? What do you do with her for birthdays?” Rowan questioned.
“Not much, it’s bad timing that mine is Christmas Eve, y’know? So she doesn’t get me anything, or maybe she rolls it together with a Christmas gift, but mostly we decided my birthday was inconvenient, so we decided to skip it.” God, that sounded so fucking pathetic.
“Deciding you didn’t need a birthday lets everyone else off the hook, but it means you don’t get a special day.” Rowan was matter of fact, but the observation made Gideon feel bereft as if he’d missed out on all those special days over the years.
I still haven’t let go of his hand.
Rowan sat back and slipped straight into thoughtful mode, something he did when he had a particularly thorny decision to make at work. Gideon filled the time until Rowan inevitably tried to fix things by breaking off small bits of the pastry marveling at the flaky goodness as he ate it. He actually offered Rowan some but Rowan was still in thinking mode and shook his head.
“It’s all yours.” There was another moment of silence, and then Rowan let out an enthusiastic aha! “Next June you can send a gift to Kaden.”
“I can?”
“Of course. He and Ryan have birthdays close to each other so get them a hotel stay or a spa day or something like that.”
“Uh huh. Kaden likes cars, maybe I could do a track day or…something.”
“Exactly! Then you can start a new family tradition where you celebrate each other’s special days.” Rowan was so pleased with himself that Gideon went with the flow and concentrated back on his pastry.
The final bite was mostly icing, and it was sticky sweet and utterly perfect. An enormous flow of peace swamped Gideon when Rowan leaned into him and rested his head on Gideon’s shoulder. They stayed that way for a while, and it was as if they were meant to be there, facing the winter ocean on a blustery cold day. Rowan didn’t move, but Gideon knew him so well that he understood Rowan was always thinking about something. When they were in the office, it could be as far ranging as poking at details for an upcoming meeting right up to why a certain tie was good for Gideon to wear. That was the best part of Rowan, he never stopped looking for ways to make Bryant & Waites better, or forcing Gideon to smile, or making Gideon feel like he was…
Cared for?
“Gideon?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask you something private?” Rowan asked, his gaze fixed on the rolling waves, gusts of wind swirling around them. He was so serious. He wouldn’t look at Gideon even though Gideon had shuffled to face him as best he could.
“I don’t know why you’re wanting permission because you’re going to ask me anyway.”
Rowan smirked, and that familiar quirk of his lips was so sexy. “You know me so well. So, what would you normally do on your birthday? I mean, we’re not at work, but I know you always have your phone on you. Do you work? Do you see your family? Or meet friends? A boyfriend?”
“I wouldn’t hold your hand if I had a boyfriend,” Gideon mumbled.
“Friends hold hands.” Rowan finally shuffled to turn and face Gideon. “Right?”
They stared at each other, a sudden gust of icy air carrying snow whipped around them. It didn’t matter about the cold, all that mattered was that somehow the two of them appeared to be having a moment.
“Yes.”
“Friends can tell each other all kinds of things, like about their family, I mean you’ve met mine, and you know them all, so you could tell me about yours.”
Oh. So this was the family talk.
“You know most of it. Grandparents no longer with us, parents divorced, and my sister, Grace, who shared most of the burden.” A bit too late, he should never have said that last part. God knows how much Rowan understood about him already, but the last thing Gideon wanted to do was rake over his private life with him. Maybe Rowan won’t comment on it. He pushed the conversation forward. “Kaden’s the only extended family I’ve ever had anything to do with—”
“Your family is a burden to you?” Rowan interrupted, and Gideon knew it was too good to be true for Rowan to leave this. He was like a dog with a bone when he got his teeth into something.
“What do you want me to say? I’m not sure it’s the right thing to be talking to you about family, or my birthday, or—”
“You’re my friend, remember? I paid you to be a friend.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Yes, I did.”
“No, you invited me to…never mind.” It was easier to give up.
“So, friend, tell me more.”
“I hate you,” Gideon said without heat.
“No, you don’t,” Rowan quickly countered.
“And you’re fired.”
“No, I’m not.”
Gideon felt protected here, isolated even apart from Rowan sitting next to him, enough that he had an insane urge to explain. Where were his parents today? Would they be thinking back to the day he was born?
“There’s not much to tell. Not everyone has a family like yours,” he began. “Some of us just have two sets of parents who have their own lives and only see them on Christmas, weddings, and funerals.”
Rowan squeezed Gideon’s hand. “You can have my family if you like, not to keep obvs.”