I followed her out of the living room and down the hallway.
“I’ll send you details of the party, in case you change your mind,” she said, opening the front door.
“I won’t change my mind,” I answered firmly, but Emily wasn’t listening. She was cooing over something on the front step.
“Oh my God, these are beautiful. There’s no card though. Are they for you or your mum?” She leant down to pick something up, and when she straightened up and turned to face me, I saw them. A bouquet of white roses wrapped in cellophane. No note. No RIP message. Just the flowers this time. But I knew who they were from. This was his ‘I’m back’ message.
Emily placed them in my arms, and like a dumb fool, I stood there and took them without saying a word.
“Looks like someone has an admirer.” She winked and then waved her goodbyes as she left.
I watched her get into her car and drive off, then I looked around. I knew he was there somewhere, watching me. I could feel him. He wanted to see how I’d react to the news that he’d returned. How I’d respond to his flowers. They were beautiful; Emily was right. But I didn’t want them in my house. They were his sick way of reminding me what I’d lost. Him trying to control and frighten me.
I walked over to the side of the house, opened the lid of the bin, and dropped them in. They belonged in the trash, and so did he. I grinned, looking down at them, knowing they would die in that dark, filthy box. A fitting end for something beautiful that he’d touched. He tainted everything.
Satisfied that I’d given him the show he’d come to watch, I turned and marched back into the house. When I shut the door, I leant my back against it and squeezed my eyes shut. I didn’t know how much longer I could hold it all together. I felt like the pressure gauge in my head was building again and I needed a release.
LadyStoneheart23 has joined the chat.
EmoGirl- I don’t know if they were his favourite flowers, but I left them on his grave. It’s the first time I’ve been there.
JoeNotExotic- That’s a big step for you, Emo. I’m proud of you, hun. I know you don’t really have much to do with that side of your family.
EmoGirl- It’s not through choice, Joe. I don’t know them. They don’t know me. I should make more of an effort, I suppose. It’s not like I have a lot of family around me at the moment. I could do with a bit of extra support sometimes.
JoeNotExotic- Take it at your pace, babe. At the end of the day, if they wanted you in their lives, they’d be there for you. I’ll always be there for you.
Fucking_Alan- Is it wrong that I wanna sing the ‘Friends’ theme tune now?
JoeNotExotic- Alan, we’d expect nothing less.
EmoGirl- I need cheering up, Al. Tell me about the worst date you’ve ever been on.
JoeNotExotic- I think we’ve heard about them all already.
Fucking_Alan- There’s always more, my friend. I am a veritable Wikipedia of dating don’ts. Okay, which one do I go with?
I’ve got it…
It’s gotta be the notorious Felicity.
She turned up at the bar steaming drunk. It was six o’clock and this girl was paralytic. So wasted she could barely stand up. I asked her why she’d had a drink before she came out and she told me she was nervous…
Tommytank- Had to get shit-faced just to date you, hey, Alan?
Fucking_Alan- Lol, Tom. No. She said she’d liked me for ages and she needed a little something to calm her nerves. Two minutes later, she threw up in her handbag and then lurched forward and tried to kiss me. Grossest kiss I’ve ever dodged. Pure filth.
EmoGirl- OMG.
Fucking_Alan- That’s not even the punch line, Emo. Turns out she had her two kids in the beer garden waiting on us. I didn’t even know she had kids. Don’t get me wrong, I’d happily date a MILF. But one who shows up comatose with her kids at the pub? Nah. I’ll pass.
Legion has joined the chat.
EmoGirl- Perfect place to jump in, Legion. Alan was just telling us all about barf-gate.
Legion- How will I ever recover from the loss of hearing that story?
When I saw his name, my heart did a little happy dance. He was here. He was always here when I needed him. The private chat box appeared and I clicked without hesitation.
Legion- Little warrior. How’s it going?
LadyStoneheart23- All the better for being on here.
Legion- Tell me something you did today that made you smile.
I was going to type, coming on here and chatting to you, but that sounded way too cheesy.
LadyStoneheart23- I took a bouquet of flowers from my fucked-up stalker and dumped them in the trash.
Legion- And how did that make you feel?
LadyStoneheart23- Like I was giving him the finger. I knew he was watching me. I’d have preferred to shove the flowers up his ass. Those thorns would be a killer. Lol. But the trash was the next best thing.
Legion- You, my little warrior, are a girl after my own heart.
That made me smile.
LadyStoneheart23- Tell me something that made you smile today.
His response took a while to come through, but when it did, it warmed my heart.
Legion- Knowing my little warrior gave someone the finger today and took back some of her power.
LadyStoneheart23- Quiet day in the Legion household then if that’s your high point.
Legion- Quiet in the house, noisy in my head.
LadyStoneheart23- Talk to me. You always say you’re here for me, but I want to know more about you. I’d like to think I could help you too.
Legion- Why?
LadyStoneheart23- ‘Cos that’s what friends do. And I want to help. It makes me feel good.
Legion- You’re one of those do-gooders then, yeah?
LadyStoneheart23- I just wanna be a good friend.
He didn’t reply and I felt like he was backing away from me.
LadyStoneheart23- I know you said I wasn’t ready for your darkness, but nothing fazes me. I’ve been told I’m a good listener.
Still nothing.
LadyStoneheart23- Tell me something that made you feel powerful.
I sat back, watching and waiting for the screen to come to life. I was desperate for more.
Legion- Really not gonna give up, are you?