“No, it’s his day off. He’s in the house,” he replied, nodding over to his home next door. “You might want to knock first though. He’s with Emily.” He winked and then laughed as he sauntered off back to his workshop.
I hadn’t seen Emily since that night. I suppose now was as good a time as any to get that meeting over with.
I didn’t bother with the front door, I never had. Instead, I opened the side-gate and walked into the garden and then gave a little knock at the back door. I saw Ryan walk through into the kitchen, and when he saw me his face dropped, then he righted himself and waved me in.
“It’s already open, mate. Come in.”
I went in, flicking the kettle on as I walked past it, and grabbed some mugs out of the cupboards. You see, Ryan’s house was like my own. In fact, growing up I felt more at home here than I did at my nan’s.
“You want a coffee?” I asked him as he sat at his kitchen table, eyeing me with suspicion.
“Yeah. There’s some of those latte things that Emily likes in the cupboard too. Maybe make her one while you’re at it?”
I opened the cupboard again, grabbing the box but not having the first clue what I was doing with them. I took a coffee pod out and went to tear open the lid, only to hear Emily shout out, “Not like that. You’ve gotta put it in the machine first.”
I turned to watch her take it out of my hands and then give me a smile. There was a new coffee machine on the side that hadn’t been there the last time I’d visited. Emily got to work setting it up and making her own drink. I just stood there, staring, feeling like a complete fool. It seemed to be a running theme for me.
“Sorry. I’m shit at making hot drinks.” I shrugged.
“It’s okay.” Her smile grew wide and it still lit up the room, but it didn’t make me feel the way it used to.
Emily’s smiles used to give me a warm feeling inside. Now… not so much. I mean, she was still nice to look at, but she was my best friend’s girlfriend. Watching her stir her coffee while he looked across the room at her like the sun shone out of her ass made me realise that me and her would never have worked. She was always Ryan’s girl.
Ryan must’ve mistaken my staring for something else because he cleared his throat, and in an irritated tone, he snapped, “What do you want, Brandon?”
“I’m lost, mate.” I never had any filter when it came to the lads. I always said it like it was. “I fucked up and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do next.”
“Brandon, you’ve fucked up so many times I’m surprised you even notice the difference these days,” he said, and Emily tutted at him.
“Ryan! Brandon’s come here for help. I don’t think he needs to hear that.”
“Whatever.” Ryan rolled his eyes and then he leant back in his seat. “Come on then. What’s happened this time?”
He motioned for me to sit down, and so I did.
“Em, babe. Give us a few minutes, yeah?” he said, dismissing Emily. But I didn’t want her to go. I figured she’d have just as good an insight into what I should do as Ryan would.
“She can stay,” I told him.
“You sure?” He looked at Emily as he said it. I think he was worried about how she’d feel staying in here with me.
“I think Em might give better advice than you, mate,” I said to justify her presence at the table.
He laughed and Emily smirked as she sat in the chair next to him.
“Come on then, big man. Give it to us,” she said.
I took a sip of my coffee and then hung my head as I let it all spill out. I told them about watching Harper, the flowers, the messages. I told them everything; the online persona I’d used to get closer to her and how I’d followed her to Lockwood’s house. I didn’t want to look up and see the pity in their eyes, so I kept my focus on my coffee and gave them every last sordid detail of what had happened after I ran Lockwood off. I told them what Harper had said and how I didn’t know what I should do next but staying away was not an option for me. I wasn’t a quitter.
“It isn’t about being a quitter,” Emily chipped in. “Giving her space isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”
“Mate, I told you she was off fucking limits.” Ryan rested his elbows on the table and scrubbed his hands over his face, sighing. “Why did you do that? Don’t you think she’s been through enough? Just leave her the fuck alone.”
“I couldn’t! I can’t!” I argued back. “I needed to make it right.”
“You can’t make it right. It’ll never be right,” Ryan shouted, but Emily reached out and rubbed his arm to calm him down. At that moment, I was ready to stand up and walk out. I didn’t like the answers he was giving me. He wasn’t seeing things the way I was.
“You made it right with Emily,” I argued. “And look what we did to her dad.”
“He was a crook and he deserved to go down for what he did. And yes, Brodie was a bully growing up. But everything that’s happened since, that’s something you’ve got to walk away from.”
“Not gonna happen.” I could feel my temper rising again.
He went to speak, but Emily butted in.
“Could you give me and Brandon five minutes alone?”
Ryan’s eyes widened and he stuttered over his response.
“Why?”
“Because I want to talk to him. Do I need to say anything more than that?” She gave him a look and he grimaced and then stood up.
“Fine. I’ll be in the next room if you need me.” He kissed the top of her head and gave me a threatening glare in warning. I glared back. Did he really think I was still a threat?
Emily watched him leave, and once the kitchen door closed, she turned to me and sighed.
“First off, I need to give you an apology,” she said, and I frowned at her. “The way I spoke to you that night, what I said, it was mean and unkind. I’m so sorry. I should’ve taken your feelings into account and I didn’t.”
I suddenly felt embarrassed that she was bringing this up again. The fact that I’d told my best friend’s girlfriend I loved her all those months ago made me want to kick my own ass. What kind of friend does that?
“You had a lot going on that night. I can see that now.” This wasn’t what I’d expected her to talk about, and I wasn’t sure how comfortable I was dredging it all back up.
“I know. I think my head was so screwed up that I forgot my manners. I didn’t mean the things I said.”
“I’m sure you meant some of them.” I smirked.
“You’re a good guy, Brandon. You deserve to hear that. You’re a little intense sometimes, but that’s just you. It’s who you are. If I ever made you feel worthless, then I’m truly sorry.” And she was. I could see it in her eyes.
“Em, I should say sorry too. I messed up with us. I said shit about Ry too to try and break you up. It was all so fucked up that night. He’s always loved you. I loved you too, but now-”
“But now, you realise you aren’t in love with me, and there’s a big difference. I think if you’re really honest with yourself, you were in love with the idea of me. But I was never the right girl for you. And I think you know that because you’ve met the one now, haven’t you?”